Accompanied by a "Fake Call - How To Get Out of a Bad Date".
If you said no to this question then GOOD FOR YOU! Pssssshh. I cannot say I’ve had the same luck. My dating life is probably as active as an eleven year olds and is mostly self-induced. It’s not that I haven’t had the chance to go on dates, it’s just that I’m kind of an awkward dater so I choose not to go on them to avoid any uncomfortable situations (mainly with people that I really know I'm not entirely interested in). I know what you’re all thinking - ”how can this super hot, smart, curvaceous lady be afraid of dating??” Am I right? (Just kidding). Well to answer that question, dating to me feels so forced and full of pressure, which is a disastrous combination for me. It almost feels like going into an interview, as there are so many expectations involved. FOR instance:
Scenario One: Most of us go on dates in hopes to connect with someone romantically and perhaps start a relationship right? Well that’s not a big expectation is it now?? What if I’m not attracted to them but they are attracted to me or vice versa? At that point someone has to make a decision to not see one another again because they aren’t feeling it and that just sucks! I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and obviously I don’t want to be hurt either. PRESSURE!! Starting off as friends without an agenda is a better scenario for me. That way no one is expecting an outcome and you can just be yourself.
Scenario Two: The potential expectation to give a good night kiss - What if the person goes in for a kiss and you just don’t want to do it because a) it’s not what you do on a first date; b) you have garlic breath (embarrassing) or c) you would rather be kissing your hand? The head turn and back pat would make them feel like a douchebag, which sucks as well! AWKWARD PRESSURE!!
Scenario Three: The expectation to carry on a COHERENT, interesting conversation – What if I can’t think of anything to say or the person is a total mute?? An absolute nightmare of a situation I'd say. This is actually my worst fear on a date, and because I’m afraid of silence, I end up asking a hundred questions, which has THEM feeling like they are in an interview (which someone has told me before recently. Oops). I’m pretty sure I don't leave any space after any answers to allow the person to ask me anything back. It’s something I need to work on for sure. Perhaps some sort of horse tranquilizer may help me with that problem.
Obviously if I want to enter into a relationship of any kind, I need to get over this “what if” way of thinking and just take a risk for goodness sake. Friends and family are always saying, “enjoy this time of your life to get out there and date! You’re young and single and this time will pass soon!” Well awesome. I’m happy for that reminder. I know I’m getting old. And I know I’m being a big chicken. I certainly have TRIED to pretend that the act of dating is fun, and heeding my friends and family's advice, I even started to say yes to people asking me out more than saying NO! AND to top it off, I entered the world of online dating to see if I could rally up a few guys to take me out for a weekend jaunt. What a world online dating is. It's like shopping for men, and to be honest, it's a bit overwhelming. Most of the time I end up feeling bad for ignoring the messages of the guys I don't find attractive and don't bother even logging in to the site after a while. And according to one guy named Jeff who deemed himself "smart, sexy, athletic and fun", about 95% of guys are online to have sex with you. Sweet. Just what I wanted (ok sometimes maybe but not with all of them!). With that said, I did end up talking to a few people online to set up a few dates, and some of these wonderful dates went something like this:
1) The guy told me to sit in his car to listen to music in silence because I wasn’t relaxed enough. I felt like I was in a therapy session.
2) The guy pulled out his hash stash and asked me if it was ok that he did that, WHILE proceeding to put his old run down running shoes on with a gigantic shoehorn (it honestly was bigger than my forearm).
THEN there was the guy who thought religion was the be all end all of the world’s evolution and he got into a fight with me. I quit the site after that.
Aside from the awkward dating, relationships really haven’t been in the forefront of my mind for the last few years. I'm not one to settle into a relationship for the sake of having one, and after my last relationship I really wanted to focus more on getting to know who I was before entering into anything serious again. It is imperative that this happen as how is one able to know what they want in a relationship or in life for that matter, if you don’t know yourself at all? Feeling secure within yourself and honouring who you are will make for a better relationship with yourself and your partner, as you end up realizing what you are willing to tolerate and what you are willing to compromise. I've seen first hand what bad marriages and relationships are like and I really do not want to end up like that. Statistics of divorce and cheating keep growing each year, and a lot has to do with settling just to get married, and getting married too young. People grow apart because they change drastically throughout their younger years, and some marriages can't handle the changes.
As well with the abundance of options of how to meet people these days, I think temptation is getting the best of some. Sites like Ashley Madison, Facebook, online video games, Myspace, Twitter, Plenty of Fish, Lavalife, EHarmony, Match.com, RichMen.com, and Cougarlife.com, are just a few of the options out there to strike up a relationship discreetly. Text messages, emails, snail mail, Skype, MSN, and so on are some others, which allows for accessibility beyond belief.
Anyways...with all this said I'm hoping that one day the right guy will just pop into my life, but for now I will just continue on seeing where life takes me. I will continue to dip my toes into the dating world until my whole foot gets in the water one day.
Have a good night everyone!