Saturday, 29 September 2012

Have You Ever Had A Yo-Yo? Or Boomerang? Read on...

Accompanied by "You Keep Me Hanging On" by Kim Wilde (cover) and Maroon 5's "One More Night" - thought this song was kind of perfect when I actually listened to the lyrics!

YOOOO-YO (hardy harr).

How is everyone doin'?? Two blogs in a week! How exciting!!!

So kids...I've decided to chat to you about yo-yo's (and/or boomerangs) today. Now...these yo-yos are not the old school wooden kind, or the plastic ones that sparkle and shine with colourful blinking lights when you set them free. Those are the fun kind of yo-yos; the innocent kinds of yo-yos that bring you back to when you were a carefree child. No folks...I am not talking about those. What I'm talking about are human yo-yos or boomerangs. The type of human being that you set free for good but end up coming back into your life over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. The ones that create constant heartache, and stress, and uncertainty in your life. Or more specifically, the ones that you ALLOW to create those types of feelings and scenarios in your life, because really it's our own responsibility to not let these people return into our lives to create the chaos in the first place. When these yo-yo’s enter your life they bring you on the roller coaster ride of your lifetime...kind of like the Mind Buster at Canada's Wonderland...where your head and body bounce around giving you the biggest headache at the end of it all. I'm sure some of you reading this can relate and can vouch for how unpleasant these types of relationships can be. I unfortunately have been involved in a few boomerang "relationships/friendships" throughout my short time here on earth. Stupidly, while in the midst of one of these relationships, I held out for the slim chance of something real coming out of it because gosh darn it they threw a crumb of attention my way (enough to keep me connected). However, with that said, I generally tried to fool myself and everyone around me by saying that I wasn't holding out for anything with these guys, that I'm just having fun, while simultaneously sabotaging potential chances with the people who actually gave a shit. It's not that I do not want a real companion either. I truly do want one, however the challenge, excitement and drama related to the situation have been subconsciously more attractive then actually attaining the prize at the end. That small amount of attention you suddenly get feels like a victory and is a natural high. They have chosen you, or there is a potential to be chosen. Thennnnnn they disappear and the victory is lost *tear*.

"'re not really into wanting to date me right now? Ok. Well let me try and change your mind.'s all my time. My money. My car. My year. Take it."

I decided to write this blog because throughout this past year especially, I have met so many other women and men going through similar situations and started to wonder - WHY ARE WE DOING THIS TO OURSELVES??! We are all strong, smart, capable, independent girls/guys with a lot to offer someone. Why are we falling privy to these people who have nothing to give back to us? Who only think of themselves? Having an emotionally unavailable/yo-yo companion is hard because you end up blaming yourself in the end when things go awry. You ask yourself questions like, what am I doing wrong? What is wrong with me that they can't commit to me and or cannot stick around? What is so great about the 500 other girls he has on the side most likely? You stew and wonder and analyze and then let go of the situation only to get caught up in it 2, 5, 6, 9 months later when they make contact with you again. Once again you feel they finally realize the person you are and you try your best not to be available to this person's needs or requests because as soon as you do the game is over. How ridiculous, RIGHT?!??! If you show any sort of emotion, they think they've won and the attention is lost. It's a vicious, VICIOUS cycle; a cycle that has you looking deep into yourself to see why you accept this in your life. Is it a lack of self-worth? Is it that you're emotionally unavailable yourself? Commitment phobic? What is stopping us from wanting something stable? Something secure? Something more "normal" that won't leave our hearts aching? I have concluded that we are gluttons for punishment and it is a journey and pattern that I know needs to stop for myself.  It's not that I am searching for these kinds of people or relationships. I just attract someone and or are attracted to guys who mirror the energy I'm putting out there at the moment. SO the hard part now is breaking the cycle; breaking from the addiction to the stimulation, the temptation, the challenge, and pain that comes along with the constant yo-yoing. Shifting our own thoughts and energy will help attract what we’ve always hoped for. It really does start with us. Perhaps I've never been clear in what I want as that would actually bring about what I want and I haven't been ready for it. I am ready now - well getting there :) I am ready to receive love and I am also ready to give it back wholeheartedly to people who appreciate it. 

I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend! A beautiful day it is :)

Lovely Lianne XO

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Have You Ever Observed Humanity?

Accompanied by "Look Out Any Window" by Bruce Hornsby. 

"I think my job is to observe people and the world, and not to judge them. I always hope to position myself away from so-called conclusions. I would like to leave everything wide open to all the possibilities in the world." ~ Haruki Murakami


Yep...I know...I know. Brutal. It's been almost two months!!!! AH!

So...have you ever observed people and thought about what their lives are like? Is that a creepy thought?? Maybe it's stalkerish and I shouldn't be admitting I do this...but I do do this!! So there!!! I was on a bike ride the other day downtown Oakville and as I was peddling along I was watching people as I was passing them. I saw a man in his car looking like he was upset (or perhaps constipated...which is pretty upsetting I suppose) and suddenly thought "he has a life of his own that he is dealing with just as I am." Who would have thought?! When I'm out and about I generally observe people - couples holding hands down the street, janitors cleaning the toilets, business men in their suits (OK that's mainly for my own personal enjoyment) and wonder how they got to where they are in life, and why, and what kind of people are in their own lives. I know it goes without saying, but all these people have relationships, friends, jobs, and journey's of their own. They are trying to make a life for themselves, and live life period. Observing this makes me realize how many people there are in this world doing their own thing, trying to figure it all out (or maybe they are not). They have sad days, happy days, deaths, births, and lost loves in their lives and have important people that get them through a hard day. They have people that look up to them or they have people that they themselves admire...that makes a difference in their life. I think of how lucky I am for the people in my own life and how crazy it is that these people I observe don't know the wonderful people in my life that have changed me and helped me grow. They have their own people to help them through their life!! I start to wonder why I have the specific people in my life and look at all the lessons those people have taught me. It is a strange train of thought but I suppose I'm really stepping out of my own existence to see that there is in fact others around me - that we are all interconnected.

Observing people helps ground me and helps give myself a reality check. Everyone is important and is serving a purpose in this world. There is no one person that is more important than the other. Whether you are celebrity or not, whether you are homeless, whether you are a CEO of a huge company, whether you are shoveling shit off the sidewalk, or whether you are living in suburbia with two cats and a dog and 500 kids, we are all here to contribute to this world and have our own journey's to experience and lessons to learn and things to do. We all contribute to the state of this world whether good or bad. It's just crazy to know that there are billions of people out there living and growing and learning. There are everyday heros that aren't being recognized but have changed someones life forever. There are people out there falling in love with the man or woman of their dreams, making a family, and contributing to society in so many beautiful ways. There are people bustling about late for work with coffee in hand and their head racing with thoughts you don't know about. Some are connected to the world and some are on an island to themselves thinking that they are in control of it all. Each person is here for a reason just as I am...just as we all are. Realizing this puts things in perspective for me when I come across a negative situation or when I myself create a negative situation due to my own perceptions. Knowing that we all are here going through whatever we are going through for a reason helps detach myself from the situation and display more compassion than anything. It helps me not take things so personally (something I'm working on and have certainly not mastered yet). Some of us may never learn our lessons in this lifetime but it's not up to me to judge that person. We ourselves would not want to be judged when we are going through similar situations or our own trials and tribulations.

Anywho...perhaps I'm just a weirdo thinking about all this but it's something that comes about often in my many thoughts throughout the day!

Hope everyone is doing well!!!!!

Lovely Lianne XO