Have You Ever Lacked Confidence?

Hey All!

Sorry it’s been a while, but things have been crazy lately! I was sick with the flu for a bit so all of the energy in my body was draaaaained out of me and I had no brainpower to write. I think it was my body telling me it had enough of me running around. I for once felt no guilt in just lying around doing nothing, and watched a total of five movies in three days, which was glorious! As well, my new nephew was born!! His name is Colin Andrew Warren and he is absolutely adorable. A joyous day for sure! :)

NOW…how about that pesky confidence issue. Has anyone ever felt fear of the unknown, or fear to start something new because you lacked faith in your abilities or yourself? Well that’s me in a nutshell. I have struggled with rather low self-esteem for a good chunk of my life, mainly regarding the confidence to go after my hearts desire. Despite my extroverted personality, I have always been a rather timid and cautious person when it comes to starting new ventures or going after what I want in life. I truly admire the fearless individuals who do everything in their power to make their dreams become a reality, and in such a passionate and driven way.  I often wonder “why can’t I do that myself? Why do I get in the way of my own self??” I mean I’ve had the drive to get jobs that I want, or have been very resourceful and driven when it came to gathering funds for certain excursions and such, but when it comes to the bigger things in life, such as going after my dream of becoming a writer for instance, or searching for a new job that fulfills me, I totally shut down and freeze. The “what if” questions start flooding my head, as well as all the excuses as to why I can’t pursue those avenues.

“What if I can’t live up to the expectations of others?”

“What if I fall flat on my face when I try this out?”

“I don’t have the talent like those other people.”

“I’m too old to start to become a writer, or a dancer, or an actress.”

“I have too much on my plate already.”

“I need to wash my hair.”

“Well Cindy said that she tried to get her book published with no luck so why would they care about mine?”

How debilitating right? There are so many walls put up just to avoid the potential failure I may experience. I’ve mentioned before the intense energy I feel inside that is just itching to come out, and I get frustrated knowing that that energy and potential is being wasted due to my own ridiculous fears. It’s the only thing holding me back really. I feel that I won’t be able to handle the great things that could potentially come my way, or that my opinions, words, or stories won’t really amount to anything in people's eyes. I feel that everyone else's ideas are more intelligent or full of wisdom then mine. It’s obviously a self-sabotaging pattern, and one that is slowly starting to stop. I swear. The law of attraction states that you are what you attract, so if you think negatively you will attract negativity and more roadblocks along the way because that is what you are focusing your energy on. If you think positively, and truly commit and believe in a passion of yours, things will come to fruition. It certainly takes discipline to think this way and is something that is difficult in this day and age. We are so fast to self-deprecate instead of self-love, and I almost feel self-absorbed when I say nice things about myself or accept a compliment. Starting to believe that I can fulfill my destiny and have patience in the process of life is the first step to increasing my confidence and live the life I truly desire. Truly loving yourself and following your heart is so important, and allows you to start manifesting the joy that life is supposed to provide. 
   Eliminating the desire to live everyone else’s dream while running away from my own is another way to manifest that joy as well. Trying to squeeze into someone else’s shoes, while struggling to grasp concepts that you are not entirely passionate about is not a productive path to go down. I am learning that no one is meant to know everything, and some people have different brains to do certain things.  I'm terrible at math, so trying to become a mathematician would not only be torturous but also foolish, as it would be going against everything I’m about! I think the envy that I feel towards other people’s professions or lives is not about the job they are doing, but the joy they are feeling towards their life, and the confidence they exude while doing it. I think "oh...they seem to like this, maybe I will too and become the superstar they are!" Uh...yah. Not so smart all the time. Comparing yourself to someone else gets you nowhere. Obviously it could turn out really well if you find true passion in that profession or lifestyle, but it’s not always the case.

     I read something today from Oprah Winfrey that fit this blog. It said, "Each one of you has your own platform. You can help somebody, you can listen, you can forgive," she said. "My greatest wish for all of you ... is that you carry whatever you are supposed to be doing and don't waste any more time." Well you go girl Ms. Oprah!!!! No more wasting time! It IS a waste of time swimming in a sea of negative thoughts about ones self and not carrying on what we are supposed to be doing. What good does it do? It just keeps you stuck in a life you don’t want to be living in. Life can certainly be hard, but finding the confidence, love and joy in your heart and being able to exude that in daily life, makes life so much more enjoyable and fulfilling. I picked the song "Firework" by Katy Perry because that's my anthem for this year. I've cried a couple of times because the lyrics are just so perfect for where I'm at in life. I am ready to ignite the light and let it shine for the world to see. I'm sick of floating around and being scared of living my full potential. So here goes nothing people!! I hope everyone has an amazing weekend!!