Have You Ever Been Able To Just Slow Down and Sit Still??

This blog entry is set to Bruno Mars' "The Lazy Song"

Has anyone had difficulty being able to just sit and do nothing or slow down in their life? I was listening to the new Bruno Mars song about being lazy and thought to myself, “I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN DO LAZY!!!” It’s rather sad actually.  I find it extremely difficult to just sit around the house, twiddling my thumbs, keeping my mind at rest. My days off are generally spent saying to myself “this is enjoyable…this is enjoyable. I’m going to sleep in. I’m not going to do anything today.” Pace pace PACE PACE PACE…pet the dog…check email…check Facebook…silence silence oh my god more silence…go out on the balcony…lie on my bed…stare at the ceiling.  THEEENNNN…that just ends. Those thoughts are slowly replaced with “have to clean the house…need to walk the dog…have to write people back…need to go get food…need to call this person….need to call that person…have to do my laundry…god I need sex one of these days…eff my life…why am I here! I don’t want to work anymore.” Maybe I have too much energy, or maybe life today is just super stimulating that it’s hard to be able to relax now, but whatever the reason is, this way of living and thinking has got to stop!  Western culture has been conditioned to think that something always HAS to be done. That we have to stay productive or the boss will mention something to us (even though they are out playing golf somewhere while we are stuck inside on a beautiful day trying to file boxes of papers...not bitter). That we have to run around and look like we are busy or else people will think we are just…well…lazy or maybe lacking ambition. That we have to work a bazillion hours because that will lead us to “success”, all while ignoring our own selves in the process. We run ourselves down to achieve these outward things that in the end don’t really mean anything, leaving little time for peace and relaxation. If you go to Europe for instance, they actually take time to enjoy life and family. Their lives aren’t centered so much around work but more on having a life and taking care of it. It’s SO important to take things in, unwind and reflect but these practices always end up being pushed to the wayside. I work three jobs right now and I have got to tell you, it leaves me in a pretty ungrounded state! I’m like the Tasmanian devil whirling around to each job and activity, all while not fully being present because of my bustling about. I work 15 hour days Monday and Tuesday, have Wednesday to Friday to tend to my responsibilities, go to the gym (which has been put off for two months now…oops), catch up with friends and family and perhaps spend some time with my crazy dog, and then back to work again on the weekends. It’s a ridiculous way to live and you start to live on autopilot which eventually leads to getting burnt out. Time starts to fly by more and more quickly without really knowing what you did from point A to point B (perhaps asking questions such as "Where did I park my car?" or "Shit...when did I get on the highway??"). It doesn’t feel like I’m living a quality life, but a life that is just there and being wasted with things I’m not entirely happy doing. It’s quite pathetic that I can only think of two times in my 32 years that I felt completely relaxed and blissful sitting still, without a care in the world, and both of them involved rainy days.  One memory was an afternoon I got sent home from Fantasy Fruit Market (I worked in their garden centre when I was 17 or 18), as it started to rain. I was so excited because I was able to just lie on the couch and read a book and listen to the sound of the raindrops hitting against roof and pavement.  I remember allowing my body to just sink into the couch, fully stretching out while feeling the misty breeze flowing through the windows, and feeling ever so content with my life. It was such a simple thing I was doing but I haven’t been able to forget it.  The second memory was probably 15 years later (yes FIFTEEN!! GAH!) when again it was raining and I had a day off from my café job on the weekend. I rented the movie The Secret Life of Bees with Alicia Keys, curled up on the couch with the blanket my grandmother crocheted me, draped over me, and watched in bliss. It was a fabulous afternoon! I’m not saying that I haven’t had fun in my life, but the fun times are always full of stimulation, other people annnnnd perhaps some alcohol.  These events are just feeding into my need for constant movement, which is ok to experience, but it has to be experienced in a more balanced way.  I mean, how in the world do we get in touch with ourselves and figure things out about ourselves if we don’t even give ourselves time to do that?? The answers to our own soul’s questions are within and this requires quiet moments by yourself. It’s almost like we all fill our lives up with stuff to do, and noise around us, to avoid seeking our truth, and avoid doing the work it takes to change and to get where we are supposed to be in life.  It’s much easier to whirl around in our comfort zones, until we crash and or are forced to make a change and be still (like having your foot run over by a tractor or something).
      I have challenged myself this year to really slow down and start to take more time for myself to really be present and quiet. I’m making an extra effort to be aware of my surroundings when I’m going out for a walk, such as noticing the trees, the flowers, the smell in the air, and my footsteps on the ground.  When I was in Arizona, I was told to go on a hike through the Red Rock trails and really sense the energy of nature, walking in silence and appreciating it. It was a humbling experience because I realized how much nature we have destroyed even though nature is constantly giving its resources and essentially its life to us. How greedy and selfish of us to just take it without regard. That’s a different story altogether though. I am challenging the rest of you to take some time to actually be still as well and to really think about how much time you spend with yourself, and how much of that time is spent feeling content and relaxed. I know for me it’s not very many hours of my week and I want that to change. We only have one body and soul in this lifetime and it needs to be taken care of much better than this! I have to put some premium oil in this engine, and let it sit in the garage a little more. And as Bruno Mars says maybe "I'll just strut in my birthday suit and let everything hang loose" more often "cause today I swear I'm not doin' anythin', nothin' at all!" Yeehaw!!

Those are my thoughts for now. I could write more about this but I don’t want to make this into a novel! Have a great rest of the week!!!