Wednesday, 28 January 2015

Have You Ever Lived Your Best Life Possible?


  

Accompanied by "Get On Your Feet" by Gloria Estefan.

Hello All!!

I needed this today. This video by my new friend Kate Drummond was one I could completely relate to. It inspired this blog and got me out of my funk. Link is below if you'd like to watch as well :) I recommend it!

CLICK HERE:

Chasing dreams and beginning again | Kate Drummond | TEDxStMaryCSSchool

This last little while I've been feeling super weird. Super lost. Super numb. Super uneasy and anxious. I'm 36 years old and still trying to love myself. To accept myself. To enjoy being in my skin. I have lived my life listening to other people's versions of how to possibly live my life, trying to find a place in the world and make sense of why we are even here. It's been an emotional roller coaster of a life thus far, full of joy, triumphs, heart ache, anxiety, depression, frenzy, adventures. I was the kid with the big feet, the kid who was too tall, towering over all the boys and never being the one to get picked for a dance. I was timid, self-conscious, and desperately trying to be accepted, all while not really accepting myself in the process. I was the kid that constantly got grounded for being mouthy and opinionated, for sticking up for myself, for talking too much in class, and being forced to become friends with classroom corners. I have been searching for my purpose in life, dabbling in everything possible to make something out of myself, but what does that even mean? What does MAKE something actually look like and why is it so important to me? Why do I want to be in the spotlight so bad? Why do I want to impact people so much? What is my driving force? Part of it is about seeking validation. There is such a strong desire to be seen and validated because I've felt invisible and unworthy, and unlovable, and unheard for so many years. I want to prove to those people and myself that that isn't true. I AM SOMETHING. Or am I? Perhaps I am a failure. Perhaps I won't be anything in life, whatever that means. How many people have felt like failures based on not getting ahead or not being that version of success that society puts on such a pedestal? What is success truly?

I quit my part-time job in the summer time and it's been quite a process trying to be content with so much time on my hands. It's given me the chance to spend some quality time with me, myself and I and god damnit that has been hard to do. I have ADHD so sitting down for five minutes to do anything that takes a large amount of concentration and soul searching is hard to do. I want instant gratification and results - LIKE FIVE MINUTES AGO! It takes a whole life time to figure out who you are because who you are changes a million times over. That's a little daunting. We are constantly evolving, and having the patience and insight to accept those changes can be unnerving and hard for someone who doesn't have patience at all. Patience really IS A VIRTUE I TELL YOU!! And what?? I'm supposed to spend time with me?? Can I stand doing that? For a large part of my life, I've had this fear that people will get bored of me. That I won't have enough to say or I haven't done enough in my life to have them stick around. Why would I want to spend time with THAT person? No way. I'd rather spin my wheels some more and distract myself from really truly getting to know myself. BUT where has that gotten me so far? In limboland...that's where and kind of alone. It takes work to be honest with yourself and have compassion for yourself. Being honest with yourself and truly looking in the mirror and accepting whatever good or bad things have happened to you thus far is HARD! That takes accepting the truth in general. I have not been a perfect person. I have done things that have cost me a job I love, made me feel ashamed, regretful, all sorts of different emotions. I'm doing my best to be the person I want to be proud of and I'm trying to learn to be less reactive and frustrated and....patient.

Kate really opened my eyes again and reminded me that success doesn't mean your name in lights. Success is being happy within yourself and living out the dreams you want to live out - despite where they might get you in life. We are here to be joyful, and present and grateful that we are alive. Life presents us with so many lessons and it is our job to look at those lessons as opportunities and grow from them. They are another clue and stepping stone to figuring out who you are as a person and live the life you've always imagined. Being honest with yourself and truly being grateful, attracts so much abundance and positive energy into your life, you won't even know what to do with it!!! It's because you are living through your heart centre. You exude so much happiness, that the universe can't help but amplify that and hand you over what you've always desired.  I recently started an abundance course, full of meditations and questions to sift through to start chipping away at the blocks in my life which includes thoughts of lack, of my tremendous fear of failure and not living up to my potential before I die, of not being good enough in this world. We are all good enough. We are all lovable. We are all worthy of the best life, despite the mistakes we make in our lives along the way. I want to walk around this earth knowing wholeheartedly that it is OK to not be perfect. That my shit stinks like everyone else's. Freeing myself of caring what other people think and taking life into my own hands instead of living out what other people think is good for me will be a struggle but an amazing feat at the end of it all!

It's OK to not have all your shit together all the time. To not have all the answers. I don't need to put that unnecessary pressure on myself any longer. It's OK to fumble and stumble through life until answers come to you. It's OK to not know where you want to go. It's OK to be in the dark until the light comes shining through eventually. There are no rules on how to live your life. It's a hard thing to do making a life for yourself. It's a hard thing taking a leap to doing what you want to truly do once you figure that out or finally listen to your heart. Who cares if that means you want to join the circus, collect garbage, be a mailman, pick up shit for a living. If that's what you love, then go for it!!!! That love will attract more love, and more love, and more love. And people will be inspired and will bask in that love and that passion you exude and try and make their own best life! Let your pilot light BURN BRIGHT (as Kate mentioned), keep moving forward and be the best person you can be!

My life long dream involves helping people in whatever capacity. It's still to be determined how that will look like but I have many ideas. I've always wanted to write a children's book about being yourself, and being OK with being different. I've also wanted to perform as a musician and be a motivational speaker but again, gaining the confidence that I have what it takes to do that is still in the works.

Thank you Kate Drummond for yet another inspiring piece of information to help me along my journey. You inspired me and I'm very proud of you for taking the leap to living your OWN BEST LIFE!!!

Love you all!

Lovely Lianne xoxo

Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Have You Ever - NEW YEAR'S EDITION 2014!!!


Accompanied by "Thanksgiving Eve" by Sally Rogers (original done by Bob Franke). I love the lyrics!

It's so easy to dream of the days gone by
It's a hard thing to think of the times to come
But the grace to accept ev'ry moment as a gift

What can you do with your days but work & hope
Let your dreams bind your work to your play
What can you do with each moment of your life
But love til you've loved it away
Love til you've loved it away

There are sorrows enough for the whole world's end
There are no guarantees but the grave
And the life that I live & the time I have spent
Are a treasure too precious to save

As it was so it is, as it is shall it be
And it shall be while lips that kiss have breath

Many waters indeed only nurture Love's seed
And its flower overshadows the power of death

Hello Everyone!

It's December 31st 2014 - NEW YEAR'S EVE DAY!! and I feel like it's only the first day of 2014!!! How did this happen?? This year has just flown by, and time seems to be zipping by faster and faster. All the more reason to take life by the reigns and live life the way you've always wanted!!

This year has certainly been an eventful one. It has been full of triumphs, challenges, heart break, sadness, tragedies, happiness, reflection! I feel like our world is becoming more and more aware of things and that our lives are shifting rapidly every day.

SOME DEFINING MOMENTS IN MY LIFE THIS YEAR:

1) I experienced a broken heart! And coupled with the ridiculous length of this past winter, it wasn't a fun experience! However, with that said it proved that I was able to connect and open up my heart to someone which is something I hadn't felt in a long while.

2) I went to Winnipeg for the first time and attended a Winnipeg Jets/Toronto Maple Leafs game! What an amazing atmosphere the MTS Centre has! I was also surprised to see so many Leaf fans there. I didn't experience the disgustingly cold weather but I was prepared with my new winter jacket that I sweat in profusely.

2) Played some amazing shows with Whiskey Epiphany! We certainly have been gaining momentum this year and I am looking forward to seeing what happens in 2015. I am truly grateful for all the support we have received over the last few years. Our friends, family and new fans of our music have given us the drive to continue to entertain and make music! Some highlights of this year were playing the Festival of the Sound on Canada Day (their boat cruise), Burlington Sound of Music Street Festival, our Mariposa audition in April where we met a lot of amazing musicians, the Caledonia Fair, opening up for Lauren Mann and The Fairly Odd Folk at 3030 Dundas West in Toronto, our many Moonshine Cafe shows (the July 11th show in particular!), the Project Autism event, and getting a standing ovation at the Winterfolk Festival in February! What a rush this all was! I am proud that I've continued to push myself to overcome the anxiety of performing. Very lucky to be sharing the stage with such awesome band mates!

3) I took the plunge this past summer to pursue my passion, and quit my part-time serving job after four years of toughing it out. I started a part-time dog sitting business called The Doodle Dog Sitter as I love dogs, love being active, and being my own boss! It has seriously been such a joy for me. I didn't think I'd get so attached to all the little pups. They are so full of love! Thank you to all my friends and family who have referred me to their own contacts! I have immense gratitude :) It definitely took a long while to get used to having so much free time on my hands and I couldn't imagine another way to fill it :)

4) My sister got engaged to her long time boyfriend!
5) My nephew Kyle's chemo treatments ended this past March! He is looking more like his old self now which is nice to see. Love the little guy!

6) I received my 10 year award at my full-time job this past December at our Christmas party in Victoria, BC. Crazy how 10 years have passed already! Definitely pretty lucky to be part of this company!

7) Took singing lessons with the great Judith Lander. An amazing person, performer and vocal coach.

8) I went on my first cruise to Cozumel, Mexico! Was fortunate to be selected by my employer to join her on a 4 night cruise aboard the beautiful Royal Caribbean Liberty of the Seas ship! What an experience that was. We had a day excursion to Tulum, Mexico and I was able to swim in the Caribbean Sea! I also tried my hand at negotiating prices with the locals for some of their beautiful dresses and failed miserably. Apparently I'm pretty transparent.

9) I went to British Columbia in December and was able to take a day trip to Squamish where I soaked up the most amazing scenery!!! I rode on the Sea to Sky Gondola, walked along two gorgeous trails, braved the 100 foot suspension bridge, saw some beautiful bald eagles in Brackendale along the dyke, and made friends with some local artists within their gallery! We talked for an hour and they even checked out our music!! It was a great trip, which also included catching up with some long time friends who I haven't seen in a while, and traveling to Victoria once again for the Christmas party :)

REALIZATIONS FROM 2014:

1) I've really become more aware of how precious life really is and of my mortality. We aren't getting any younger and life is to be lived, not wasted. I've realized that it's not worth caring so much about what others think of you, and not worth being so unkind to your own self! It's a waste of energy and time. LIVE YOUR LIFE and surround yourself with people that build you up not bring you down!!

2) I need to learn to say NO and not feel guilty or feel selfish saying it!

3) LOVE REIGNS ALL!!
4) I have mild sleep apnea. FML!! Oxygen anyone?
5) My ADHD really does affect me daily and I need to get control over that! It's not just about being hyper. Wait...a...minute...dust...is...flying...AROUND...SQUIRREL!!!

6) I don't know what to do with all my free time!! 2015 is all about using my time WISELY! Not about rotting in front of the TV that has received more glorious channels this year! AHH! Love It or List It was my new friend for the last four months.

8) I'm not comfortable with being vulnerable.
9) I love the smell of our mail room at work. It smells like an underground garage!!! *sigh*
10) I love receiving snail mail.


11) Relationships scare me. I'm not sure when this happened but I'm more scared being with someone and them getting bored of me, than being alone - hence why I'll probably be an old spinster dog lady for the rest of my life.

12) I need to get new batteries for my battery operated friends - still. I think this is on my list most years.

13) I may have a bit of social anxiety! I shall defeat it.
14) I HAVE AMAZING FAMILY AND FRIENDS! Thank you for all the support you've given me over the years :) Need to remember to show gratitude more often xoxo

INTENTIONS:

1) TO LIVE WITH LOVE IN MY HEART AND INFUSE IT INTO EVERY ACTION AND DECISION I MAKE!

2) Develop my self-worth and get a hold of my anxiety :)

3) To open myself and my heart up to people despite any potential negative outcome. It's worth the risk and I really do want companionship.

4) To live a more peaceful inner existence. I have to stop getting so riled up over meaningless things and make meditation a more frequent practice in my life! Stress is a killer and not worth keeping in our bodies.

5) To do more for MYSELF and be OK with that.
6) To go on an AWESOME ROAD TRIP!! Jenny Haldane - Lisa MacIntosh - IT'S ON!
7) To date more and try to enjoy that concept haha.

8) To take care of myself better and a develop a more disciplined life. Sleep more. Eat less sugar. Eat more greens! Eliminate dairy, wheat and alcohol! DANCE LIKE NO ONE'S WATCHING! I don't want to face the repercussions of my choices later on in life, especially since I want to live until 120 years old. Booyah!

9) Developing healthy boundaries! Boundaries for me have always been a work in progress and I need to form some healthy ones in 2015 in all aspects of my life.

10) Continue to develop my dog sitting business and the band!
11) To be of service.
12) To use and value my gifts more - writing, painting, etc.
13) To learn to play an instrument!! I have a ukulele, piano, tambourine, and shaker at home that are just itching to be used PROPERLY!

14) To be grateful for where I am at this very moment - LIVE IN THE PRESENT and prepare for the future!

15) Buy a new bedroom set! Or a least a dresser that doesn't fall apart when you open one of the drawers!
16) Surround myself with positivity.
17) Say yes more and no less when it comes to getting out there in the world and experiencing new things. No fear!

18) Need to be more gentle with myself and others. No one is perfect.
19) TO DEVELOP A BUCKET LIST!
20) Develop PATIENCE AND GRATITUDE!!! Patience is a virtue indeed. Have to not bail when things don't happen right away.


I'm going to stop there! I wish everyone a year filled with happiness, love, new adventures, overcoming obstacles and being happy with themselves. I think 2015 will be AWESOME!

An uplifting link to check out - HOW TO LIVE AND LOVE YOUR LIFE!

How to Fall Back in Love With Your Lifehttp://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-fall-back-in-love-with-your-life/

HAPPPPY NEW YEAR!

Love,
Lovely Lianne xoxo





Friday, 24 October 2014

Have You Checked Yourself Lately? RIP Nathan Cirillo.



Accompanied by Strength, Courage and Wisdom by India Arie.

Hello All!

With all that has been happening in Ottawa as of late (and really all that has been happening around this world) - the country mourning the death of one of our young soldiers who's life was taken by a senseless act of violence - it has made me really reflect inward and think about our mortality. Our lives can be taken at any second as we saw with Cpl. Nathan Cirillo. He was an unarmed guard, just doing his job, not knowing what his fate would be that afternoon. There is no knowing what will happen when you wake up in the morning, so we need to be grateful for all that we have each day.




To check myself during these uncertain times, I often ask - Am I being as kind as I can be to others? Am I being kind enough to myself? Am I challenging my fears and living the life I've always dreamed of living? Am I wasting time and energy on things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things? Am I taking care of myself properly? Did I say I love you to the people that matter the most in my world? Am I taking for granted all the awesome people in my life? Did I say sorry to the people I've hurt or allowed myself to forgive the people who hurt me? Am I participating in things that make me happy? Am I HAPPY?? Am I doing enough to help others? I can certainly answer no to a bunch of these questions and am doing my best to be less anxious, lend a helping hand to others, live a more present and happy life. We are all connected in this world and the energy we give out directly affects everyone around us, so let us try and turn our energy around so we can all help each other thrive.

We have been given this body and spirit to learn, grow, and live the best life possible. I want to make sure I soak in all the wonderful moments that life brings me. I want to make sure I explore this glorious world as much and as often as I can, enjoying the simplest of things to enjoying world travels! I want to love wholeheartedly and feel contentment and happiness. I want to make people feel happy as well! I have been awarded a life in a country that isn't directly terrorized daily by war and mass destruction. I am a proud Canadian. I have been awarded a life with the ability to choose anything I want to do instead of the other way around, which is scary and liberating at the same time. So many choices are out there and I'm lucky to be able to make those choices. Yes there is still crime, yes there are still terrorist threats and bombs in our countries history, yes we still have to make smart choices and protect ourselves, but we also have so much freedom. It is hard to process and relate to the state of peoples lives in war torn countries and third world developments. Having to constantly live in fear of attacks and abductions, death, malnourishment, and poverty. It's upsetting that we are a world that has this even existing and I need to be more aware of all that goes on outside of my little bubble. Acts of terror and destruction are a choice of our society and it is scary and sad that we have become immune to this type of behaviour in some regard. We as a world can make different choices but we choose to go to war and to kill our own species. And for what? For reasons that can be talked about over killed about. I am not one to watch the news as there is too much negativity being splashed across its broadcasts and I hope one day this can turn around. I hope one day the WHOLE world can feel peace. We need to come together everyday as we do when situations like the Ottawa attack comes around. I suppose we need polarity in this world to really appreciate the positives that happen in our lives. 


Sending my love and hugs out to this world. RIP Nathan Cirillo. Thank you for serving our country with a big smile and tons of pride. Enjoy your weekend everyone! 

Love,
Lovely Lianne xoxoxox




Saturday, 28 June 2014

Have You Ever Tried Living in The Present??



Accompanied by "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw.

Heeeeey!!!

Happy long weekend everyone!!!! I had the most glorious day so far and feel totally inspired to write so that's what I'm doing!

What a great morning I've had today! Coffee and breakfast in hand, I took a wonderful walk to the lake to read the rest of my book and soak in this beautiful weather. This past week I've been feeling quite anxious and kind of sad so the sun did me some good. I chatted with a few girlfriends of mine who made me swell with pride seeing how they've turned their lives around for the better and who are now living their passions. It has been really inspiring to see and I feel so much happiness for them.
   
After parking myself on a bench by the water and settling in, I went on to finish this book I've been reading called When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron (based on Buddhist teachings). I felt like I was parting with a great friend when the last page was read.  If you are looking for a book that provides a down to earth, no bullshit perspective about meditation and how to live a fulfilling, glorious life, then this book is for you! For me, it brought about so many perspectives about life that made so much sense and really resonated within my body. It calls you out on so many things you do in your daily existence that you may not want to admit to yourself or are maybe not even aware of, but are nor right or wrong things to do. It's a book about how to live in the present and how to break from our old habitual patterns and embrace all parts of ourselves. It made me start to appreciate and absorb the present moment because that's all we have right now! I've known this way of life in theory and you always hear the statement LIVE IN THE PRESENT, in which I would answer "Yes of course!" but that statement never truly clicked until now. The future is not here yet people! What we do in each present moment creates what will happen in our future. We have a choice in each moment whether it's joyful or not, to turn our life around in the way we want. There is no guarantee that we will wake up tomorrow, so embracing our lives moment by moment and feeling gratitude for all that comes to us in those moments, both good and challenging, is how we can live a truly happy and fulfilled life.  I've honestly started to understand how precious life really is and how much time I seem to waste because "there's always tomorrow to do it". We don't have a long time on earth and our days here are to be lived to the fullest - which can mean doing the most simplest things. How many of us are aware of the sound of the wind blowing through our hair and around our ears? How many of us are aware of the birds chirping in the trees? The feeling of the sun or rain on our skin? How many of us really truly absorb the cars driving past us? The people passing us on the sidewalks? The beauty of nature and of life in general? The feeling of our feet walking along the grass or sidewalks? The smell of the cedar path? The smell of the garbage in Toronto or someone's natural scent?  Do you truly listen to someone when they are talking or are you in your own head waiting to talk about yourself or thinking about your grocery list or how great the sex was last night? We are all guilty of being up in the clouds or rushing around not paying attention to the life that is around us.  Not paying attention to the people around us. Not paying attention to life at all. How many of us are so debilitated by our own fears and thoughts that we don't take risks or live the lives we want? We live this safe existence to avoid being hurt, or embarrassed or seen as a failure. How many of us run away from love to avoid risking a broken heart or awkward silence or rejection or even falling in love?? We miss out on so much when we let ourselves get in the way. We are creating these outcomes! It's quite ridiculous when you really think about it.

Thinking that we can put things off, or that there are better things out there instead of what is right in front of us right now won't get us anywhere enjoyable. Every moment that we encounter are wondrous moments that need to be cherished and soaked in because those senses and the chance to live those experiences can be gone in seconds. It's a gift that we wake up every day breathing, feeling tired, feeling cranky, feeling amazing! There is so much of life that we take for granted. We bombard ourselves with all these distractions to escape our lives which is kind of crazy when you think about it! Why do we want to run away instead of deal with ourselves? Why do we create so much anxiety within ourselves?? Social media, our phones, music, drugs, alcohol, food, people, events - all these distractions can keep us out of the present and keep us from really feeling what is going on inside us and around us. Using these outlets to escape from being uncomfortable inside or feeling that anxiety and fear only put a temporary band-aid on the issues at hand. With these outlets we don't have to really feel what we are feeling right then and there. We are providing ourselves with a temporary fix, but we can't escape ourselves for very long. Embracing our fears, embracing our anxiety, embracing our joys, embracing our sadness, embracing our triumphs, embracing the unknown, embracing our discomfort with anything we feel uncomfortable with - silence, the idea of commitment, rejection, death, connection, traffic, life in general - is how we will truly live and get past these feelings.  Instead of trying to run away from them or fix them we need to have courage and face these feelings, staying in that present moment until the emotions/feelings pass. We can then truly observe our patterns and ourselves in an honest way, with compassion, kindness and no shame or guilt. We can accept that we are not these perfect beings, and that these imperfections are actually life's lessons that help us develop and move forward in life in a different way. Life's shitty situations can teach us a lesson in patience, or surrendering. Sometimes we just don't know what to do when presented with a situation beyond our control. Trust and faith within that insecure, shaky space is necessary. Living in the present and meditating can allow us to detach from the chaos our minds create. It is crazy how much effort is required to slow ourselves down and train ourselves to live this way. I am guilty of living in a twister like state - not truly absorbing what's around me all the time, escaping from my life to avoid the pain - but I am learning to change this around because I love life and I want to make sure I live life to the fullest! Not reacting to life is hard for me! Slowing myself down enough to just feel what I'm feeling, letting it resonate and then respond is a difficult task! BUT it allows for a more stable way of being. So in short....next time you feel uncomfortable, fearful, sad, angry, hurt, happy, content - sit in that moment and stick it out. You may be pleasantly surprised at what happens next :)

I hope everyone enjoys this glorious long weekend. I can't believe it is already July!!!! Where is the time going?!? Looking forward to five whole days off in a row.

Love you long time.

Lovely Lianne XOXOXO

Thursday, 29 May 2014

Have You Ever Lived An Undisciplined Life?


Accompanied by "Better Get To Livin'" by Dolly Parton.

Hey Y'all!

Hope all is well with everyone!! It's been a while since my last blog and it's time to let things out!!! So here it goes!

Throughout the last few months, life has certainly been twisting and turning like crazy in both good and challenging ways. My relationship ended (amicably), I started singing lessons to improve my breathing and vocal range (which has also been serving as an amazing therapy session each week!), have been reading some amazing books that have brought about new ways of thinking and being to the table, met some people that have inspired me to change my life for the better, and have been facing my own truth and trying to be honest with myself. I have been inspired to really start making changes in order for me to really truly enjoy my life and with a purpose. No more running away from myself. It is actually crazy to think of how much we DO run away from ourselves! Running away from pain, fear, anxiety, success, joy - LIFE! We overindulge, work too much, play too much, do anything at all to keep ourselves from sitting and looking at ourselves in a truly honest way - without the facade or act. It can be hard to accept who we are - that we may not be these perfect, nice human beings all the time. That doesn't mean we are bad. It just is what it is at that moment, and honestly once you give up trying to be something you're not, a weight just lifts off your shoulders and you start to surrender.

All information I have known in theory regarding how to live life has started to really click and resonate within my body. The idea and benefits of meditation, the feeling of true self-love, self-acceptance and self-worth, the appreciation and self-care for my body, living a purposeful life - I am truly understanding the importance of all of it and truly understanding what it actually FEELS like for once. I've realized even more now how little I've regarded myself for so long, and how much more I want to work towards living a full, happy life. I don't ever want to just exist in life as it is too precious to just waste away. Life is to be soaked in and experienced. However with that said, in order to really put all those theories continuously into practice and live a CONSCIOUS, happy life, DISCIPLINE is necessary and that is where things become challenging for me as I'm a bit of a free spirit. Being a free spirit, living spontaneously from one moment to the next, has been both a blessing and a curse. One would assume that living freely and spontaneously would feel...well...FREE! Yes, I can certainly feel free at times, but on the flip side there is also a lack of direction and purpose that comes along with that feeling. It's like I'm this bird erratically flying above my life below. It's the one area of my life that has reared it's ugly head continuously waiting for me to get with the program. The more I avoid being disciplined and thinking that change will just occur out of thin air, the longer the issues in my life continue - and I'm not getting any younger! It's not that I can't be disciplined or focused when need be, because when I put my mind to something I can manifest it pretty quickly, however when it comes to certain areas of my own personal growth (like just being), I can't seem to stay on task. When I hear the word discipline, I want to run the other way. Like even when I'm writing the word discipline I can feel the anxiety and resistance creeping up like an unwanted friend saying - "No Lianne...stay here with me and have some fun. Do all that shit later." "UH - OK!" I say. Ugh. It's a constant conflict of interest in my brain. I observe people mastering skills, following through with exercise, eating healthy, meditating and I think god damnit I need to get back on track. How do they do that so well?? Four years ago I maintained a major lifestyle change for four whole months - changing my diet completely, taking vitamins, remedies, eliminating alcohol and caffeine, drinking more water, knitting a scarf (thanks Grandma), and it felt glorious! I was finally taking care of myself, and putting me first. I was living a more balanced, structured, accomplished life, and then it all went to shit again. This experience though has proven that I CAN actually do it, and I just need to start one thing at a time and be more gentle with myself in the process. Scheduling and structuring my day, taking time to meditate (even if it's for two minutes), taking time to rehearse (singing and ukulele), taking time to be out in nature, eliminating all the things I can't eat due to allergies, and exercising more, will be my starting point to change. Doing something everyday consistently will help me feel more accomplished and purposeful.

I have been meeting many people as of late who have really pushed me unknowingly to take a good look at myself again and eliminate the excuses as to why I can't live the life I want. I am the one holding me back. I am the one making the decisions. It takes a large amount of effort to change your life around and I've been working towards doing this. I've been slowly accepting parts of myself over the last few months such as maybe not wanting kids, or maybe never getting married, which has been a hard one to accept as both are such normal societal milestones, especially for a woman. I equated not wanting both of these things with being selfish or not being responsible, but this is just not true. If they both happen down the road then so be it, but I realized it is alright that these are not my priorities. It has certainly taken the pressure and time urgency off my shoulders!!! Perhaps this lack of urgency will help the discipline part as I will feel I can take my time to get to develop my skills. There are so many things I want to experience, and with a more balanced state of mind and being I'll be able to get there a bit easier and more consciously (and appreciate things more). I will have more confidence, a more stable energy, a sense of accomplishment, which will in turn attract what I want in life.

I feel an immense amount gratitude and love to those people and experiences that have helped me along my journey. For those people who have come into my life challenging my thoughts and ways of being, lifting my spirits, giving me hugs, cuddles and kisses, being a shoulder to cry on, being a person to vent to - THANK YOU! Tears of joy sprung in my eyes today thinking of these people and life experiences. Instead of playing victim to everything that has happened to me along the way I really am looking at these things as a blessing and taking responsibility - my lack of discipline included. We grow as people when faced with adversity. Shaking up our perceived reality, looking at new perspectives, accepting others for who they are, listening and connecting with others, loving unconditionally, letting go of the past, living in the moment, will all allow us to soar to new heights and awareness. This does not mean we won't be faced with more challenges along the way, but we will feel more equipped when having to deal with them.

To further add to this though - I have to remember the things I've accomplished in life thus far as well (thanks Heather Watts for this reminder!) as I tend to minimize them. Maybe I haven't become president of a huge company, or found the cure for cancer but they are experiences I'm proud of that I have put my heart and soul into and I need to realize that also matters!! It's the little things in life that can bring us peace and joy.

Thank you to all who have listened. Love you guys!!! Have a great weekend!!!

Love,
Lovely Lianne xoxo


Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Have You Ever Felt Pure Happiness - HAPPY NEW YEAR'S EDITION 2014!!!


Accompanied by "A Life That's Good" - Nashville Cast

Hey All!

It's been a while since I've written last. There has been a lot going on so I apologize. I was scolded recently by a friend for not writing a blog in so long so here it goes Heather!!! For you girl! :)

SO...have you ever felt so happy that tears literally have just sprung out of your eyeballs?? Well people...that is how I have been feeling these last few months and it feels absolutely glorious!!!! I HAVE felt bliss before but not this consistently :) For many years life has been a crazy roller coaster for me, as I've said many times in previous blog posts. Lots of ups and downs and living in limboland, feeling completely lost and rather empty.  There have been so many years of feeling overwhelmed and purposeless, and not really feeling I was contributing much to society. For this past year and especially the last few months, I have felt these feelings disappearing little by little, and have felt that life is finally on track. After listening to this awesome song called "A Life That's Good" I truly started to feel utmost gratitude about life in general. My heart has launched open and this sense of freedom and love has been pouring into my body with such intensity. I often wondered if I would ever feel this joy and contentment in my life, so needless to say, these feelings have made me cry like a little baby numerous times. I made it a mission this past year to really figure out what made me happy, what I could do to help others, and what steps I needed to take to open my heart up to a real relationship again (or maintain healthy relationships with friends and family). How in the hell was this all going to happen?? And how was this to happen in a balanced state that benefitted everyone? I prayed and I wrote, and I talked endlessly, and I meditated, and I over thought, and I prayed some more. I began to analyze the present state of my life and analyzed who I had become. I listened to people's advice, and pick and chose what would work for me at that time. Living life in the moment seemed to help my anxiety and make me feel more content. Slowly releasing the pattern of trying to please everyone all the time certainly made me start to feel happy and more free. Learning to accept my quirks, faults, ADD moments, and myself in general definitely helped me move into the right direction as well. And music made me feel like I had a purpose in life. I became more committed to Whiskey Epiphany (the band I am currently apart of), joined a volunteer organization called Ladybird Sanctuary, an organization that helps animals in need, and this past summer met a boy (who I am currently still in a relationship with), who helped me realize what it feels like to be truly appreciated, respected, and VISIBLE!! The combination of all these things made my heart soar. I have been able to consistently perform and live out my dream of performing and singing. I am venturing into a volunteer opportunity that enables me to combine my love of animals with my desire to be of service to the community. And lastly, I was able to open my eyes up to what a healthy relationship is supposed to feel like. Though there is still a lot to learn and improve upon, I am finally making strides to a more fulfilling life.

LIFE REALLY IS GOOD!!

INTENTIONS FOR THE NEW YEAR:

1) Meditate more and slow down! Take time for myself.
2) Become more committed and involved with the Ladybird Sanctuary, and volunteer opportunities in general.

3) Work hard to promote and line up more performances for Whiskey Epiphany.
4) Improve my singing abilities to help become more confident on stage!
5) Work on my constant struggle of caring too much about what people think!
6) Be kind to my body - eat healthy, exercise regularly and get more sleep!!!
7) Distance myself from things that don't serve me well any longer - toxic people, jobs, life patterns.
8) Travel more.
9) Learn to breathe and think before I react.
10) Learn to become a better leader/manager.
11) Get out into nature more :)
12) Continue to strive to live a life full of love and joy - stress free!

Here is to health, love, and happiness in 2014! I wish everyone the best and hope you all have an amazing year ahead!

Love,
Lovely Lianne xoxo

Monday, 26 August 2013

Have You Ever - Two Years Later!! A THANK YOU NOTE TO ALL! OVER 12,000 VIEWS!


Accompanied by "Gratitude" by Earth, Wind & Fire - "I wanna say Thank Youuu....yeeeah"

Hey All!!!!

SOooooOO...exciting news my friends!!! My little itty bitty blog has reached over 12,000 views which can only mean one thing - I NEED TO WRITE A THANK YOU NOTE TO YOU ALL (and all the random google searchers) cause that's what I do!!!!

Since I started writing this blog, life has definitely had its twists and turns. The whole purpose of me writing as I've mentioned numerous times, was to help people realize that we all go through trials and tribulations in life and to show everyone that we do not have to be ashamed of expressing those experiences. Everyone has their shit to deal with and there is no need to deal with this shit alone. It has been a truly gratifying and humbling experience receiving messages from people who felt they could relate to what I was saying, and have them share their own stories of struggle and joy with me.

I feel like life is starting to change for the better and feel more stable. Life truly is grand. I'm beginning to emerge into a stronger person, with more direction and focus. I'm beginning to shed the unwanted aspects of who I used to be little by little and have begun to live as the person I've always wanted to be. I'm beginning to feel more comfortable in my own skin, but still have some more growing to do in that front. It is still hard for me to reveal some aspects of myself to others as I still worry about what people think about me. I need to infuse a little "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK" attitude into my life ASAP!!!

I am still learning to find balance in life and to prioritize how I live my life in general. I need to leave room for silence and reflection, and connect with nature and my body again. I need to distance myself from the draining people in my life and focus on the people in my life that lift me up and accept who I am.  I need to leave room for things I enjoy doing rather than fill my time up with things other people want to do. I need to live my truth and be honest about who I am which is a hard thing to do sometimes. We all have said things, and lived in ways we aren't proud of, but it is swallowing our pride, recognizing what we've done, and forgiving ourselves for those moments that will help us move forward and start healing.

I am still learning to live in the moment and be grateful each day for wherever I am and whatever happens to me whether good or bad. It really is our perspective of these tough situations that is the important thing. Instead of letting life get us down when obstacles come our way, we need to see them as learning lessons and be thankful for having these obstacles enter our life. Hardship and struggle allow us to see the beauty and joy in life when the clouds part and things become more clear again.

Although discipline is clearly not my forte (as I don't write as often as I should), I'm hoping to change that and really write more seriously this upcoming year. Fingers crossed!!!

Enjoy the rest of your summers and thank you again to everyone who has commented, been inspired, felt connected to, criticized, and or cared about what I had to say!

Love,
Lovely Lianne XO