Friday, 29 April 2011

Have You Ever Cursed The Invention of Cell Phones or Facebook or...

 Thought this was a good song for this post!!! The Facebook Song...
So I was watching a girlfriend of mine going through constant frustrations this week regarding a douchebag guy she met that wasn’t texting her back (which all of us have been through). It first angered me, and then got me thinking about how cell phones and technology in general has been both a curse and a blessing. Texting, Facebook, Twitter, or BBM messages are starting to replace the common phone call or face to face contact that you want from that new interest, current partner or from anyone really!  EXCELLENT!!! Three more ways to reject a human being and three hundred more excuses we have to think of as to why we aren’t hearing from someone!!!! Thanks!
     Life is SO accessible now and we are all expecting this instant gratification because we KNOW that people have their phones on them ALL the time, or have the Internet accessible at their fingertips. I mean you can write an email or text when you are going to the bathroom if you wanted too! When you take a closer look at texting, BBM, and cell phones in general,  you don’t see many people around this world walking around without a cell phone in hand. It’s almost like you have to be on your phone to avoid looking like you don’t have any friends.  LIKE JEEZ. Such losers right?  I mean heaven forbid that you are alone and sitting there without something to make you look like you aren’t a complete loner.  Or maybe it’s because in our world today we NEED to have stimulation and HAVE to be talking to someone or doing something to alleviate that two minutes of potential boredom. We can have 100 texting and 10 BBM conversations going, while shopping, and TALKING on the phone. Crazy huh??  And if we don’t get a message back right away our brains go into overload and we go crazy analyzing the shit out of the situation! OMG...did he get in a car accident? Is he asleep? Is she on her period and is mad at me? Did he meet someone else? Maybe she fell asleep? BAHHH! I personally think that these new ways of communicating are taking away from actually learning HOW TO COMMUNICATE face to face and it’s creating laziness in trying to form proper relationships (and the English language!!).  People rely too much on texting then phone calls which really doesn’t allow for much connection to be formed.  I personally got involved in two “texting” type relationships in the past and let me tell you…they are stupid. All it is is one person (OK me) creating feelings and a fake reality in their head based on the perceived emotion and tone of the message. There is so much room for misinterpretation and misperception within a text message that you can’t possibly form a solid foundation for a friendship or relationship that way.

MARCO: hey
LIANNE: hey...what's up?
MARCO: Nothing much. Good to meet you last night. What u up too?
LIANNE: Just getting ready to go to my girlfriends house.
MARCO: What? You never told me you were a lesbian.
LIANNE: I know. Because I'm not dumbass.

Texts are really in existence to generate a quick message or two, not entire conversations. And I’m not saying that I’m not guilty of this, as I too find it easier to send a text then have an hour conversation (because you can do stuff while you’re “talking”), but it needs to be done in moderation. And now even when you do meet someone in person (partners or friends), people interrupt you to take a phone call, text, or surf the internet, completely distracted from the company in from of them. It doesn’t make the other party feel that special I tell ya and it is totally rude!!! I actually told this one guy to get off his phone when I served him his lunch at my cafĂ©, because his girlfriend was just sitting there trying to get his attention. He sheepishly put his phone down and I hope I embarrassed him. HAH person I don't know!!
   On a side note, I’ve also noticed that I actually will type the short form of words now on emails at work and have to catch myself. Like “GF” or “U” or “UR”, like typing those extra two letters is going to take that much more time! It's going to get to the point where people won't even know how to spell at all!! Tsk on me. Tsk on me.
     Now regarding FACEBOOK or TWITTER, I can admit that when Facebook first gained its popularity I was super addicted (as was the entire universe)!!!! I loved that we could reconnect with people we hadn’t talked to in years, connect with people across the world, and sometimes even connect with celebrities or athletes! What a great concept! People can see what you’ve been up too, and you can see people’s adventures from around the world. I also loved how we now had a medium to WRITE down every thought in our heads and post it for the world to see…every single minute if we wanted too! An ADHD persons dream, seeming as I bombard people with every thought I have in my head in person! I would be on Facebook at work for like 4 hours a day, to the point where they had to block the site from our computers! Oops.  My bad. And it was cool to see how many people you could friend…almost becoming a popularity competition at times! However with this all said, are we really forming a true connection with these people? I mean what kind of connection can we really form if we are only exposing one side of ourselves (which more often then not is the good side of course).  The happy, good-looking picture, fun-loving side, that when people find out you aren’t actually so happy inside all the time they’d be shocked. Like nowadays there are pictures you take and then there are pictures you take for Facebook. It’s almost a false reality being portrayed and remains on surface level unless you know some of the people really well already. My friend just mentioned to me that Facebook is not all what it seems and that’s true. Even for myself. It’s scary to expose our truth and risk being judged.  And this goes for when you meet someone in person too, however with Facebook you are able to display a one-sided portrait to a larger audience.
   And on another note...Facebook can help or hinder your dating life!! If you go on a date for instance, and you add that person to Facebook, they will have access to all your information...information that you were maybe going to tell them in person about. Why bother going on dates anymore to get to know someone if they have all the information at their discretion??! Blah. I’m not denying that it is a great networking tool and that there are some good sides to this social medium, but I thought I’d throw around another perspective on it. And how the hell do you work TWITTER???! It’s like Facebook statuses times 1000000!!!  I have an account open but have no clue how to use it and honestly still don’t understand the need for it.  If you don’t constantly say something your message will get lost in the shuffle. It’s like those bunches of fish at Canada’s Wonderland you see trying to fight to get to the top for the food we throw! WAIT SEE ME! SHIT…WAIT SEE ME! SHIT…HOLD ON! I’M GOING TO SAY SOMETHING ELSE AGAIN SO YOU CAN SEE ME!

Anyways…that’s my rant tonight. I need to get to sleep so I can get up for the Royal Wedding!!!! AH! So exciting!!
Night night everyone. 

Sunday, 24 April 2011

Have You Ever Wondered Why You Are Here??

Blog accompanied by India Arie's "Headed in The Right Direction". The words are perfect :)

"There is a hidden purpose working for our evolution in every event, every action, every thought. Find this purpose and live by it." ~ Deepak Chopra
Yeah okay Deepak Chopra. Thanks for making this sound like such an easy fucking task to do!!!! Pft.

    I saw this quote yesterday and found it's rather fitting for my life, as this idea of finding a purpose in life has caused me some grief in the past few years. Ok maybe it's more like the last 7 years to be more specific. I look around and see people around me finding jobs they love, creating beautiful families and living what it seems to be a content, happy life. I wonder how the hell they got there and how they found out what their passion was so fast. Or how did they gain the confidence or insight to do what they are doing?? Or how did life just fall into place for them???? And why can't I be focused and confident enough to do this for myself??????  GAH!!! This way of thinking of course is crazy making and I advise against going down this path. I shouldn't be comparing myself to anyone as everyone is here on a different journey, but fuck still!! How DID THEY DO IT??! I feel so behind! **insert sobbing here**.  
   When I went to Arizona this past month, this is the one issue I really wanted to figure out. I went alone so I could eliminate the distractions from having a companion there, and focus on myself. It was a pretty amazing trip and one of the things I learned (and what has been blocking my growth somewhat) is that I've been trying to stuff myself into what western culture perceives a life/purpose is supposed to be like. We've all been conditioned to follow a certain path of life.
STEP ONE: Figure out what you want to do in your life (yah...and that's easy when you're 18 or 19 and still giggling over the word penis! Not a huge expectation to have AT all). 
STEP TWO: Go to school for this new found purpose (or spend $30000 of the government's money to get drunk, sleep in and gain more life experience then knowledge about economics, or outdoor recreation). 
STEP THREE: Get a job.  
STEP FOUR: Get married in your twenties/thirties (well everyone's seen the statistics lately about doing that). 
STEP FIVE: Have a family in your twenties/thirties (because your eggs are going to shrivel up and die if you don’t). 
STEP SIX: Retire and enjoy what's left of your life (awesome). 
STEP SEVEN: Die. The end.
Well what if I don't want to do it that way??? **stamping foot** I mean I certainly don't want to be at step seven, but the rest is a rather contrived way of living that is not suited for everyone. Especially free spirited people with a major attention problem (ahem). It creates a feeling of almost inadequacy when these things aren't fulfilled within the slotted societal time period. It also creates this sense of urgency to get things started and done on “time”, making me scurry even more to find this so called purpose before my shitty Hyundai accent turns into something edible!! I'm almost 33 and I'm still at freaking step one for eff sakes. I mean I've done step two and three, but feel no further ahead in life or fulfilled.  Give me something to work with here God!!! PLEASE! I sit at my desk clicking away at my keyboard, under some horrendous fluorescent lights asking myself, “is this really it? Is this what life is supposed to be like?? Is this my purpose??” HELLLL NO! It doesn’t have to be like this, and no, this can’t be my purpose. There is nothing in my heart saying “stay here…stay here. You have finally found it.” Sitting at a desk pushing papers all day will never be my cup of tea. I have WAY too much energy to burn and am thankful that I’m able to skip up and down the halls at least once or twice a day without getting in trouble. I have equated purpose and success with having a cushy corporate job and have been lost in that way of thinking for a long period of time. I eventually became a rolling stone, dabbling in different things that were of SOME interest to me, that looked to make other people happy and successful. I gathered only bits of information, however, and continued to roll on. I never gained a solid foundation or focus, and I became hopeless and empty inside. I didn't want to be here anymore and became increasingly frustrated by my lack of focus and level of confidence.  Instead of living in the moment and enjoying the journey of life I was outward in the future thinking about what life should be like. Or what my damn purpose was. This folks, is not enjoyable as you can see. It plain sucks actually. Living in limbo land is hard but its best to stay in that present limbo land then make up an entire future existence and be disappointed by never getting there. 
     With that said, I've always known the broader reason of why I'm on this planet. I'm here to help people, and in a large way, and have this huge amount of energy and drive inside, that is so ready to come out if I would just get over my fears and just take a first step into any direction. This is where writing came in and is another thing I figured out while I was in Arizona.  I've always loved writing and find it a way to express myself in a way people can understand me, because when I speak, my words do NOT come out the way I want them to sometimes! The idea of lifting someone’s spirits through writing has always made feel good, because I know it's making someone elses day. Secretly since I was a young girl, I’ve wanted to write novels like Judy Blume. I remember reading her novels late into the night with only a street light lighting the book because I was supposed to be asleep at that hour. However to me this was considered a pipe dream as I needed to pay the bills from being at school,  and had to search out a “real” job to get this done. So down I stuffed this interest. I started this blog to ignite that passion again and get over the fear of what others would think about my writing. Not everyone is going to like what I have to say, and I need to accept it and continue to move through that fear.  I can say as I’m writing these blogs, that I’m starting to feel a sense of excitement again and I feel purposeful and like I have accomplished something! My time is spent on something that I love to do, and not spent scouring Facebook anymore getting more and more envious over other people's lives! Life really is about the journey not the destination and I need to just go with the flow and enjoy the freaking ride. I have to have faith that whatever my purpose is will continue to present itself bit by bit. Thanks for the kind comments I’ve been receiving since these blogs have come out. Those really have meant a lot to me and they have given me that extra confirmation to continue down this path. Au revoir for now! Happy Easter!

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Have You Ever Been In Love With The Boy Next Door?

Well I have!!! And it was glorious! (a little Paul McDonald to sing you through this post). 

     It was year 1996, when the Spice Girls, Live, and Much Music’s Big Shiny Tunes were super popular (yah).  Our family had moved into a great little townhouse by the water two years prior and although the landscape was beautiful, the eye candy was definitely not! We were surrounded by old people and as nice as they were, moving a hormonal 16 year-old girl to an old people community did not provide much joy. Like at all. After a couple of years, however, hot guys were coming out of woodwork for some reason!!! It started with the guy up the driveway. He lived in the corner house and he drove a Jeep, and every time I saw this bundle of sexiness I got all giddy. I never actually talked to him of course, since I had the game of a 3 year old at the time, and my sense of style consisted of animal printed Christmas sweatshirts, but he was nice to look at. We did however make out in later life, when I had matured somewhat and gained a bit of style. His presence gave me some sort of hope that great things were to come in this neighbourhood, and that’s when the day came that our new next door neighbours moved in.  This was the day my life would all of sudden lift from its boring state of being and turn into a somewhat fun existence.
     The actual day was pretty cloudy (I believe it was spring) and of course being the curious (or maybe nosey) person I am, I had to creep out the window to see who these new people were.  I mean as much as I loved our previous 80 year old neighbor named Betty (who honestly was amazing!), I was hoping for some damn youngin’s! As soon as I saw him, an imaginary sun came out and shone over his whole body.  I could hear Hallelujah in my ears, and my face went bright red due to my hormones igniting…FINALLY!  I remained glued to the window all day until they were done moving in. These were the days you actually had to PHYSICALLY “creep” people if you wanted to know what was going on. And the best thing was, was that there were TWO WHOLE boys that moved in and BOTH were attractive!  The one I ended up pursuing was 2 years older, and he was delicious! Brown hair, blue eyes, tall, athletic, great smile. It was a huge score! Both boys were out of high school so it got even better! The years that proceeded honestly created the fondest memories for me.  The family turned out to be amazing. We all instantly connected, and the boys had such fun friends. Being 16 going on 17 I didn’t have much tact I have to say. I was certainly more ballsy then I am now. I would park myself outside our house on a bench to “read” every afternoon, coincidentally at the time, let’s call him Horatio, was to come home from work.  We would talk for hours outside, go for walks with my dog when the moon was out and shining on the water, play basketball, and I even asked him to go to my high school prom! He said yes surprisingly and it was perfect, except for the fact that everyone wanted to dance with him! And some people even thought my sister brought him because he was sitting next to her. Tsk. The entire scenario as a whole though, felt like it was out of a movie – Girl falls in love with the boy next door. It was all so innocent and fun, and honestly it was like that throughout our whatever it was. There was just pure respect between both of us. Then came the night we shared our first kiss. Since our houses were connected (his bedroom wall actually being against my bedroom wall) I had daydreamed many times before going to sleep about Horatio throwing pebbles at my window in the middle of the night to get my attention. I would look out the window, see him standing there smiling in the night, go downstairs, and we would share a passionate kiss! The breeze would rustle around us, my leg would lift, and…blah blah blah…BARF!!!!  WELLLL…this type of event sort of did happen one summer before my 19th birthday. It was 3 a.m. and my sister and I were sharing a room at this point in our lives. I had been fast asleep and all of a sudden I heard my sister say “Lianne! (in a loud whisper voice). She’s like “I think Horatio is throwing stuff at our window!” I was super confused and wondered what she was talking about.  I looked out the window and sure enough Horatio WAS throwing things at our window to get my attention. And it wasn’t pebbles. I was like “OMG! What is going on!?” I hadn’t showered the night before…I looked like shit…and it was 3 a.m. I flip flopped on whether or not I should meet him because I didn’t want to look like shit for our first encounter!!!  My sister, who also had a crush on him I found out, wasn’t super excited about this I don’t think. I ended up giving in to the idea of seeing him and proceeded to put on an ugly green sweatshirt with a polar bear on it (as I said…no style), brushed my teeth, and went downstairs in my pajamas. I looked ravishing. I didn’t want to make it super obvious I was trying to clean up for him and I think it was pretty clear. I slowly made my way down the stairs as quietly as I could so I wouldn’t wake my parents, and went outside the back patio door. My heart was pounding and I was super nervous and didn’t know if this was the best decision. I also hoped that there was no dog shit in the backyard to step on.  I had wished at that point that I hadn’t waited until the morning to take my damn shower!!!!!  EFF!!!! There he was standing in a rather tipsy state surrounded by lettuce, lemons, and whatever else he found in his fridge to throw at the window. His friend was in the background with a BBQed sausage asking if I wanted one (not in a gross sexual innuendo way). AT this point I was like what the fuck do I do?? After his friend left I asked him what he was doing and things became fuzzy after that. All I know is that we started to make out in the backyard for a long time. I was standing on my tip toes thinking I’ve waited two years for this! Not quite the way I pictured it but it was happening!!!  HOORRRRAYYY! It was 6 a.m. by the time I went back upstairs which at that time I just jumped in the shower because I had to volunteer that morning in Toronto. I was on cloud nine and I couldn’t believe what had just happened.  I was replaying all of the events of that evening/morning when all of a sudden I heard a knock on the bathroom door and my mother’s voice asking if Horatio had been over. I was like “what?? No!”  thinking “how the fuck did she figure that out so soon??”.  SPY!!!! She was like “Oh…well I found this university matchbook on the floor”, and I was like “Oh…shit ” (in my head). I get out of the shower and my mom is standing there and she was like “what is that on your neck?” I ran to my room, looked in the mirror, and there it was…a huge hickey.  Like a big leech latched onto my skin! I was grounded on the spot which was ridiculous since I was 18 going on 19, but it was all worth it!!!  I had finally made out with HORATIO!!!!! There is more drama that came about due to this passionate courtship that summer but I will have to save that for another day because that’s a whole story in Itself!
     After that summer all my friends went to university, including Horatio (he was going back), and I stayed back for the year. It was a lonely time for me and I kind of went wild going to bars with another friend of mine that also didn’t go to school that year. I went to visit Horatio a couple of times at school (when I was there to see my friends) and a year later I ended up going to the same university. I honestly thought we would get married down the road after we both settled and got our lives together. After that summer and when I went to school we didn’t see each other as often. We both were living our own lives, getting involved with other people, but the universe would still  bring us back together in a series of random events. We’d randomly run into each other at gas stations that I don’t normally use, at ATM machines in a 50,000 plus football stadium, bars, restaurants, and every time this happened it was like no time had passed. The huge connection was still there. There would be so much excitement between the two of us seeing each other and we would end up talking a mile a minute catching up on what was going on in our life.  We never officially labeled what we had had as dating so I kept wondering what a real relationship would be like with him when I would see him and why I kept running into him. It was such a tease!!! There was one summer about 5 years ago where we could have dated. We were both single at that time and we had run into each other at a restaurant on Canada Day. He was with his brother’s wife’s sister and I was with my friends and when we saw each other we gave the biggest hug imaginable and set up a plan to see each other the next night at a local bar. I was super stoked. My sister and I went together, and I made sure I looked super hot. He was with his friends and when we saw each other there were definitely sparks flying. We were flirting and drinking and his friends kept asking if I would consider dating him under the circumstances. I was confused at what circumstances there were and wondered if they thought we had dated and broken up in the past! Of course I said yeah! Obviously! even though I still had no clue what they were talking about. They also seemed to know a lot about what happened between us in the past and that made me curious about what Horatio was divulging and why he was even saying anything at all.  What was going on??!  There were so many thoughts going through my head, and so much confusion. Later on in the night one of his friends finally blurted out that he had been talking about me the entire day! I was floored when he said that and I started to feel super hopeful and excited.  I thought “He has feelings for me still…AH!” We ended up sitting on a bar couch that night and he would tell me that I looked good and we held hands. We were going to set up a date the next day to watch a movie but he was a little tipsy the night we made that plan so I didn’t think he was serious or would remember. In the past, there was a bit of unreliability regarding plans, so I didn’t know to take it seriously. We never did the movie and he actually did remember and thought we would be getting together that day. From there things changed a bit. We would still randomly meet each other after this one summer, and his friends would still mention the same thing about dating him and circumstances, but nothing came of it. We were both in Toronto at one point, and he called me one night out of the blue to let me know he was moving an hour away. I was hoping since we lived in the same city that we would be able to hang out more, but when he moved he disappeared and I couldn’t get a hold of him. I heard he had started a relationship from his mother a little while later and this relationship ended up turning rather serious.  I would get details from his Mom that made me really worried that things would turn out really well with those two. I really wanted to meet with him again so I could tell him how I felt about him before a potential engagement ensued but never got that chance. Sure enough his mother told me he had gotten engaged that year.  It was certainly heartbreaking to hear of his engagement and I’m not going to lie, I cried…A LOT! My heart ached for a long time.  I couldn’t at that point tell him my feelings and I guess things are meant to be but it sucked! I still often wonder what would have happened if we pursued something serious that one summer. Or what would have happened if I got to tell him how I felt over the years. It’s taken a bit of time to get over the “what if’s” in this situation but I have finally moved on and am ready to meet someone just as great. The one good thing that came out of this was the fact that I know I could feel that true love with someone. He will always be my first true love and the one that seemingly got away.

Have a lovely afternoon!! xo

Sunday, 17 April 2011

Have You Ever Heard The Quote...

"Do Not Go Where The Path May Lead. Go instead where there is No Path and Leave a Trail" ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson?

I found this on someone's twitter page and it is SO inspiring and something I wanted to share with everyone. I'm sure many people have seen it, but it's such an important quote! It is so empowering and something we can all do.  I personally have been afraid for a long time to blaze a trail of my own due to the risk of failure as I am a huge perfectionist and care too much about what people think. However...this year is different. This year is all about change and about breaking out of those self-debilitating habits. This year is all about living without fear of the unknown and just giving 'er damnit!!!! It's time! Why live in fear when we can live in bliss and live out our dreams? It's a waste of energy! What really is there to be afraid of except what other people think of us? The answer is NOTHING! I suppose getting out there and becoming vulnerable is a scary thing as it's something new, and challenging, but those feelings always go away...and a little anxiety keeps us on our toes! We can all impact people in some way or another as we all have special gifts to bring to the table if we just become aware of what they are. It's all about persistence, having a passion, being patient, finding what your niche is, and not giving up. Writing this blog is the start of my journey to living my own dream and blazing that trail through the world (which is writing and helping people). I don't mind sharing my personal experiences with anyone and definitely do not claim to be a self-help guru, but if someone can relate to what I may be going through and feel that they are not alone, that's what matters. I was in a contest last summer which was incredibly fun and scary at the same time. We had to blog every week to people who were needing to vote for us. I didn't win the contest but when I was wandering around the party afterward, a woman came up to me and started talking about one of the blogs I wrote and how it affected her and how she related to my experiences, and that completely humbled me. My heart swelled and I realized how valuable we ALL are in this world, and how we are all here on our own journey's and we all affect one another. Whether you impact one person or one million people, we ALL matter. To impact someone though is to allow ourselves to step out of our comfort zones and steer ourselves off the beaten path and take a risk to blaze a trail of our own. It's so worth it in the end.

I'm attaching a song that I think is very uplifting and a perfect addition to this post :) It's called "Sing Out" by the Grand Magnolias. I have a bit of a crush on Paul McDonald but I thought this song was perfect for where I'm at at the moment and inspiring for anyone wanting to create change in their lives as well!!!! ENJOY!

Have an excellent evening!!! xo

Saturday, 16 April 2011


Hi All!!!!!

SO I've decided to take up this blogging thing due to a recommendation from a friend to GET WRITING!! I was in Arizona last week trying to figure my life out and this is one of things I found out! I've always had a thing for writing...most people saying that I write like I talk. That could be good or bad depending on the day if you knew me. Taha. I write novels in most of my greeting cards and wrote poems as a kid. I also wanted to write children's books later on in life. I suppose it's later on in life now, since that desire was when I was 10 years old! I chose the theme 'Have You Ever' because it is a question that a lot of people ask and a question that starts so many conversations! It's also a way to really reflect back on things and is a question that makes you think! Anywayssss...I'm excited to get this started and to read everyone's blogs as well! For those that take the time to stop by....THANKS!!! EEEE! Here we go! :)

P.S. This is me in Arizona...reflecting...haha. Remember how it snowed, hailed, rained, had sleet, wind and maybe two days of sun within 6 days!!? I didn't think any of that happened in the desert! How ignorant of me.