Have You Ever Fallen in Love With Christmas (or the "Holidays")?

Accompanied by "O Holy Night" by Celtic Women.


Hey All!


IT has been WAY too long since I've written something last so I do apologize. In the spirit of the Christmas holidays which is my absolute FAVOURITE holiday, I thought I'd write about some of my favourite memories. It's been so busy that it hardly feels like Christmas is coming but IT IS!!!! YAY! 


I LOVE Christmas. I love the coziness of this holiday, the scents, the lit-up Christmas trees, the Christmas lights on the houses, the decorations, the Christmas carol "O Holy Night", walking through the mall at night, the feeling of magic that's in the air and of course all the love and the family time. You feel closer to the people you are close with and I personally get all sentimental. It's a time that everyone seems to put their differences aside and actually get along! Our family tradition usually includes a big Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve surrounded by family and/or family friends, entering a food coma, fighting over who has to wash and dry the dishes (yes I know we are adults...do not judge...Mom), watching a Christmas movie OR falling asleep at church (my Grandma up in the sky is probably shaking her head at this comment. I can't help it. I become a Narcoleptic person! It's all that scented smokey shit that they wave around!). We receive our one present on the eve as well, which usually consists of new pajamas!!! How exciting. And I actually mean that. The mad scramble to wrap all the gifts and put them under the tree ensues before we go to sleep and I make my parents wait to put our gifts under the tree until AFTER I go to sleep. It's still fun to be surprised when you wake up in the morning damnit! I don't care how old I am! It doesn't feel the same when I know what's under there!!!! Christmas morning we open our stockings first, then have a big breakfast and open up the rest of our gifts *sigh* Oh the times. 


Here are some of my finest memories of Christmas time:

1) Being petrified of Santa Claus to the point that I refused a gift from him at a family Christmas party when I was four...in which he in turn gave to my god damn twin sister. That didn't go over well. I proceeded to pretend that it was mine still. 


2) I remember my sister and I sharing a bedroom in the attic/loft when we were 8 years old in an old house close to the Danforth. I swear we heard someone on the roof on Christmas Eve and of course I freaked out because it was totally Santa Claus. My sister was as cool as a cucumber and wanted to go downstairs to check things out - k Lisa...go ahead. As we went down our attic stairs my knees started to buckle, and my teeth started to chatter and I froze. I didn't freakin want to run into that guy!!!! No way! SO we ran into my parents bedroom and woke up my dad. The end.


3) Waking up really early to find my Mom at the house from being at the hospital with my brother. He was really ill at that time, but she managed to take the time to come back and make Christmas as special as always.


4) Seeing Santa Claus coming out of a house on our way home from my Grandma's house in Toronto when we were three or four. Of course it was perfect for my parents who could use that to get us to bed on time!!!! We had to be asleep before he arrived or else he wasn't coming to our apartment. Not that that pressure helped me at all!! I can barely sleep when I'm exhausted. 


5) Our big family Christmas dinners with my dad's side of the family. There would be at least 15 of us seated at a huge dinner table feasting on a huge turkey dinner, my grandma's pirags (which I just learned was the proper name 30 years later...we just called them "peedogs" - they are bacon and onion filled buns of addictive deliciousness) and dinner rolls,  and probably 30 different kinds of cookies that my Grandma baked herself. Crazy lady. We would sing carols and remain in food comas until we went to sleep then get sent home with tins of those 30 different cookies. Just what we needed. 


6) My grade 2 Christmas recital - my karate pants fell down on the way back from rehearsal and someone's mom laughed at me in the hallway. Whatever lady!!! 


7) Seeing all the cute boys I liked from my grade school at church. Obviously being boy crazy since day care, I loved that part of church. And being able to eat that holy bread.


8) Having a serious debate in grade 4 about how Santa Claus was definitely real. Two of the people didn't believe in him...I proceeded to tell them that I heard him on our roof one year so obviously he was real. Like duh. Seriously. 


9) Finding out that Santa Claus was non-existent when I was...18...or....11 because I found all of our letters that were supposed to go to Santa Claus in a cupboard down in the basement!!!!! I never clued in throughout the years that my dad's handwriting looked pretty simliar to the big S.C's. How traumatic that revelation was. Thanks Mom and Dad. 


10) The Christmas play we would perform at at the Funnell's house. All us kids would dress up and act out some part of the Christmas story in front of our relatives. It's probably the only time I was a Saint in my life.


11) Decorating my apartment with Melissa two years ago. This involved wine so one could only imagine how that went. It kinda didn't go anywhere really. We only put up the Christmas lights and they fell down over night *sigh* 


12) Delivering Christmas hampers to the women's shelter on Christmas Eve. It felt really good to know we were helping mom's and kids experience a bit of joy on Christmas.


13) Driving around our neighbourhood to check out people's Christmas lights while singing loudly in the car. Fairway Hills in Oakville always had the best lights!


14) Of course waking up every year to see what Santa delivered and seeing his response letter in our stocking.


15) Christmas's spent with the Leslie family - our second family :)


Looking back on all the Christmas's I've experienced, I can honestly say that they have been pretty amazing. My parents generally go beyond their means to provide us with a special Christmas each year and I am truly grateful. There are many people out there who aren't as fortunate so I feel pretty lucky.

Enjoy your holidays everyone!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY HOLIDAYS! I can't believe it's almost 2012! And that Christmas is here already. Looking forward to it :)

Love,
ME and Maddie!!!!!!
XOXOXOXO

Have You Ever Thought of What's Awesome?!

Accompanied by "Life Is Wonderful" by Jason Mraz. 

Yo!!!

SO I was reading The Book Of Awesome and started to think of all the little things in life that make my day or make me happy. With all that is happening in the world today, with war, and crime and negative media, it's nice to have a list of things that can perhaps lift your spirits and put things in perspective when you're having a bad day...or a bad month...or a bad year...or a bad life. I generally get excited over anything big or small and most people can attest to this so my list is rather long :) I've noticed after reading my list that a lot of it centres around the need to be free!! I will continue to add to this list even after I post this blog. I personally need to focus more on the positive rather than the negative and appreciate all the little things that create such positive feelings and moments in my life. So here it goes!!!!!

LIANNE'S LIST OF AWESOMENESS:

1. Being the first car at the stop light! Such a great feeling...ah. I win. 
2. Watching the sunset on my balcony and the sunrise if I'm up that early (so watching the sunset).
3. Anticipation of a first kiss. 
4. The excited feeling of having a crush on someone. 
5. LOVE!!
6. Full moons (not the bum kind). 
7. Swing dancing! 
8. My nephews!! Seeing them grow up has definitely been a joy to watch. 
9. The smell of spring. The best ever! And I used to love the feeling stepping onto the pavement with my running shoes again rather than my snow boots while walking to school! Freeeeedom!
10. Sunflowers
11. The smell of fresh cut grass!
12. The smell of some good cologne on a man. Sexiness.
13. The smell of freshly cleaned laundry.
14. Watching a crazy thunderstorm all cozied up in my house. 
15. Watching a movie bundled up while it's raining outside.
16. A perfect summer night 
17. Going to a town fair. Love those!! 
18. Small towns. Exploring them are so fun!!!!
19. Family dinners. 
20. Massey Hall. Best venue in Toronto. 
21. Scattegories! 
22. Fake bf's....that vibrate profusely. A godsend.
23. WRITING! 
24. Hall and Oates. Fleetwood Mac. CCR. The Band.
25. Hearing my dog snore under my bed or seeing her get startled and bark at garbage bags and rocks. 
26. Walking into my building and having the elevator be at the ground floor!!! How glorious.
27. Fresh cut flowers in my apartment
28. NATURE! Everything about it. Mother Earth is certainly beautiful and amazing. We are so lucky to be living in such beauty and should perhaps stop destroying it!!
29. Getting to sleep in! 
30. Hanging clothes out to dry in the summer. So relaxing!!!
31. ROAD TRIPS with friends!!!!! Good tunes...car snacks...books on tape!! Adventures. The best.
32. The feeling you get when in a drive-in movie. It brings me back to when I was a kid playing in the park in front of the big screen in my pj's before the movie started. I remember lining up for popcorn and seeing my dad fiddle with the connection to our antenna. I also remember throwing up that night after eating too much junk food. Gross.
33. The freedom to be able to get in my car and just drive. Open road, sunny day, great music, sunroof open. 
34. Windy nights. Such a comfy and cozy feeling. I love reading a book or just listening to the wind.
35. Sports. I can't live without them. Watching and playing!! I love competition. Jays games, Leaf games, Marlies games. 
36. Ping pong! Some great times at university with Homer and Reid in our house. 3 a.m. ping pong games. Amazing.
37. Having amazing chats with friends about life. 
38. Having great friends in my life.
39. Watching live music. It lifts my spirits every time!!!
40. It's awesome when I hear my most favourite song on the radio as I drive in to work. 
41. MUSIC IN GENERAL!! So many great songs out there...so therapeutic. 
42. BELTING out the tunes in my car and singing in general! Such a release!
43. Shopper's Drug Mart...honestly...I love looking at all the packaging and seeing all the new products. I am a designers dream!!! 
44. Art. I love the feeling of a blank canvas and what I'm going to create! 
45. SCHOOL! AS much as I was a procrastinator in school I love learning.
46. Grocery shopping at night. I love the music they play and I love being able to take my time. 
47. CHRISTMAS TIME!!!! My favourite time of year. I still want my parents to wait to put the presents under the tree until I've fallen asleep!!!
48. The first snow fall
49. Being snowed in. 
50. Spooning with someone.
51. A clean house...especially when a maid has come through! Such good energy after.
52. Being able to take a vacation!! Exploring and adventures. Love.
53. Bookstores!!
54. Purchasing a new book to read. I try not to crease the binding cause I love how new they look.
55. Buying something new...I love how perfect it looks and then I drop it and the feeling is ruined. Haha
56. Going on a bike ride. 
57. Going down east. My home away from home. Magic. 
58. Nacho dips and cheesy potatoes. Yumm.
59. Birthdays! And being able to share it with 3 other people in my family. My nephew, cousin and twin sister. 
60. Serendipitous occurrences. Life is wonderous.
61. Life in general. As much as it can be hard it's also a gift. I need to remember this and take it all in...good and bad.
62. The smell of freshly baked cookies.
63. My grandmas "peedogs" - Latvian treat!!! Rolls stuffed with bacon and onions!! Addicting.
64. Baking...I feel such a sense of accomplishment when I bake something that actually turns out to be good!! that is edible! 
65. Cooking! I need to make more time to experiment with new things.
66. Movies. 
67. Moonlit walks by the lake. 
68. Angels are awesome.
69. Animals!!
70. The Polar Bear Express at the Ex!!
71. Technology. I can't believe what we are able to do nowadays. As much as it can be a hindrance it's also amazing. Some incredible minds out there. 
72. Inspirational quotes. Thank god they are out there :) 
73. Office supplies. I just love them.
74. Marajewwanna. Sometimes it just has to be smoked. 
75. Crisp fall nights.
76. Bailey's on the rocks. 
77. Colin Firth
78. Bridget Jone's Diary. 
79. The feeling of opening up new food products you just bought! 
80. Listening to my dog eat her dog food. 
81. The smell of my dog. 
82. Jakey Bakey...RIP little man. He was the best dog in the world. 
83. Knitting. I miss my Grandma Phillips.
84. IKEA.
85. Feeling connected. I've been up in the clouds a lot during my life. It's nice to feel grounded to earth.
86. True joy. 
87. Art Galleries.
88. Queen Street in Toronto.
89. Photography.
90. Finding a hair elastic in my house! They seem to disappear quite often.
91. New running shoes. 
92. Amazing conversations with random people. Generally exactly what you need to hear at the time.
93. Batteries. What would we do without them??
94. Christmas lights.
95. Decorating my apartment for Christmas.
96. Watching break dancing! 
97. New York City
98. Musical theatre!!! I have always wanted to do that. 
99. The dollar store. It makes me happy.
100. The Apple store. 
101. Incense...especially Sandalwood.
102. India Arie!! She's absolutely amazing and inspirational. 
103. Listening to Motown music. 
104. A good stretch!!!
105. Old architecture! I love learning all the history.
106. The SNOOZE BUTTON!!!!! Such a great invention.
107. Hot showers and bubble baths!
108. A good massage! 
109. Getting snail mail or a random card from a good friend!! (Lindsay Turner I love you!)
110. Getting any mail that isn't a bill!
111. Getting a random message from someone you haven't heard from in a while on Facebook.
112. Youtube!!
113. Astrology and numerology. There is some truth to numbers and signs!!!
114. Sitting by the fire.
115. Going to the cottage
116. Sailing!!! and speed boats!
117. Watching fireworks (especially with someone you like). 
118. Long weekends.
119. Candles :)
120. Hot firefighters.
121. Being a Canadian!! I love Canada. 
122. Kayaking and canoeing. 
123. Beavers (men get your minds out of the gutter).
124. Old school cartoons!!! Smurfs yo!!!! Racoons! Alvin and The Chipmunks! Carebears (uh yah).
125. Ice skating in an outdoor rink at night. 
126. Holding hands.
127. Watching the leaves change colour.
128. Seadooing!
129. Silence. 
130. Star gazing in the country. 
131. Getting your hair cut!! You feel alive and sexy. Unless they butcher it. 
132. Cellphones. I'm addicted.
133. Hugs and kisses.
134. Farmers Markets. 
135. The smell of BBQ!!
136. The smell of restaurants in the air!
137. Slip n' Slide y'all!!! 
138. Running through the sprinklers. 
139. The smell of suntan lotion, the beach and the ocean!!!
140. Bonfires on the beach
141. When my coworkers surprise the office with timbits and coffee!
142. Surprise parties. 
143. The warmth of the sun
144. Indian summer...how is it so warm in November?!
145. The smell of fresh air in my apartment
146. Finding something I've lost (which is nearly everyday!!!) - Thanks for that one Katie :)
147. Finding money that you've left in one of your coat pockets months before!
148. Finding money on the ground
149. When someone says I'm a great server at the restaurants I work out. Feels good!
150. Vegas!!!!!! Sitting by the pool and the bar scene is ridiculous!! 
151. Hearing my cell phone ding when I get some sort of message! haha...addicted to the sounds. 
152. The sound of seagulls - reminds me of summer and the beach and a nice sunny day. AND it reminds me of the time they attacked my brother on the beach as he was running with his cheesy bag!
153. Apples and cinnamon
154. New paintbrushes
155. The feeling you get when you FINALLY get what you've wanted to get done...DONE!!!!! TOTAL RELIEF AND FREEDOM!!
156. Egg fights at Easter! 
157. Challenging your fears is pretty awesome :)
158. Eating an entire bottle of Nutella...from the bottle. On its own. Delicious. 
159. The Moonshine Cafe

Yeah yeah!! Life is grand.

Lovely Lianne :) XO

**A HAVE YOU EVER CLEANING SPECIAL WAY BACK PLAYBACK**

Accompanied by "Happy Happy Joy Joy" by Ren and Stimpy because at the end of this video this is how I feel after a day of cleaning!!!!

I had done this note a while back on my facebook and thought I'd add it to my blog!!! It's the day in the life of a gal with ADHD (ahem...me) trying to clean on her day off!!!! All in real time. Enjoy.

Oh how exciting! A day off! and what better thing to do then clean my apartment! I am letting you all into my cleaning day - a day full of multi-tasking, excitement, and...that's about it:

9:20 a.m: Woken up by Marla phoning me...so much for sleeping in til 11. Damnit.
10:00 a.m: Finish conversation and try to go to sleep. Am promptly woken up by my dog's "in heat" whimpering outside my door. F Maddie. I better go walk her so she can look for man dogs.

10:01 a.m: Phone call from Ginny. I guess the dog will have to wait. I need to start cleaning soon. Make potential plans for later in the day with Ginny.

10:18 a.m: Mom calls. Blah blah blah.
10:20 a.m: Ok...will walk the dog.
10:21 a.m: Should probably check Facebook first.
10:40 a.m: Ok..time for walk...sorry dog.
11:10 a.m: Back!! Time to get at 'er. Stare into space.
11:15 a.m: Maybe I should add pictures to Facebook first as I need to eliminate ALL potential distractions that will take away from me cleaning. Righto.

11:50 a.m: Pictures added. Time for breakfast. Can't clean without eating. May faint if I have wonky blood sugar. Can't have that. I live alone.

12:00 p.m: Set! Clean out my front hall drawer of mail. Sift through the mail on my living room floor. Make three piles on the floor. Recycle and two piles of shit I don't know what to to do with. Left on the floor. Will figure it out later. Recycle rest.

12:05 p.m: Sift through CD's for perfect music to clean to...settle on U2 (Joshua Tree) and Audioslave. Excellent.

12:20 p.m: Start cleaning my bedroom...sweep, sweep...move bed. Pet the dog. Move stuff from under my bed. Pet the dog. Get water for dusting. Dust a shelf. Finally realize why my sinuses are bad when I wake up in the morning.

12:43 p.m: Mel calls. We decide to go on Skype because my phone sounds like crap apparently. Tell her I need to clean so I can't be long.

1:22 p.m: Text message Megan saying I can meet at perhaps 4 but am cleaning.
1:23 p.m: Text message Homer back.

1:24 p.m: Phone call ends with Mel...oops. Call Ginny to let her know there are now very loose plans to meet tonight as I have decided to clean.

1:30 p.m: Back to cleaning my bedroom. Change the dirty water.
1:43 p.m: Mom calls again to see if I can get my nephew to get dressed. Don't know how I could possibly do that over the phone but proceed to talk in a high-pitched, squeaky voice. No luck. Hang up phone.

1:49 p.m. Brother calls. Want him to send me an important play list. He didn't do it.
2:00 p.m. Finish dusting my room. Now lunch! Macaroni & Cheese...nutritious. But fast. Have to clean.

2:10 p.m. Start to chronicle my cleaning day.

2:28 p.m. Done lunch. Back to cleaning. Time to wash the floor! Wow!
2:50 p.m. Done washing the floor. Can't believe how long this cleaning is taking. F.
2:51 p.m: Have to move everything back into my room. Ok. That needs to be done. Mental note. Start cleaning the kitchen.

2:52 p.m: Rinse dishes first. Think I need to drink some water. A little parched. Become depressed at how little food there is in my fridge. Need to grocery shop. Start to make grocery list before I forget.

3:00 p.m: Where's the cap to my water jug? F.

3:10 p.m: Start running water for dishes. Think about how bad this new dish soap smells. Add another new dish soap to my grocery list. Refreshing aromatherapy my ass! I don't smell Ylang Ylang...whatever that is. More like stale water. Maybe my pipes are bad. Need to get ask my landlord.

3:13 p.m: Start washing the dishes. Finally.
3:13 p.m: Start thinking about a realistic time to get together with Megan instead of 4 p.m. Maybe 8 p.m. or tomorrow. Way to ruin our plans cleaning. God.

3:40 p.m: Finish washing the dishes.
3:41 p.m: Move stuff back into bedroom. Shuffle the mail on the living room floor. Still don't know what to do with them. You are gonna stay riigght there.

3:53 p.m: Marla calls. Thank godddd! Cleaning is tiring. Needed a break.

4:18 p.m: Dusting again. Sweeping again. Dusting again. Sweeping again. Can't decide what to focus on first so why not interchange them every minute. Sinus headache forming. Should probably do this more often. Walk to the bedroom cause I don't want to do either.

4:42 p.m: Starting to get really frustrated that I can't find anywhere to put my shit. The two piles of mail are back in my drawer. F it.

4:48 p.m: Taking the dog for a walk. Need some fresh air and dust resistant furniture and apartment. My eyeballs feel like marshmallows.

5:12 p.m: Start cleaning the bathroom.
5:13 p.m: Just kidding. Dusting again. Have to finish what I started. Oooh...there's a dog barking. The wind is blowing. What should I make for dinner?

6:06 p.m: Half done bathroom. Decided to call Megan. Talked for an hour and told her I'm still cleaning 6 hours later. I'm gonna eat now. What can I make with half a cucumber and a basil plant? That can feed a whole village somewhere so if they can do it I can too.

ZONE OUT TIME.

10:28 p.m: In true Lianne fashion there is still shit to do...BUT it's ALMOST done. I have a sinus headache fully formed, my eyes are puffy, and I am thankful that I started with my bedroom.

HAPPY CLEANING!!!

Have You Ever Been Ruled by Your Emotions?

Accompanied by India Arie's "Slow Down". This would also be applicable to my Slow Down post!!!! BUT this entire song is where I'm at right now! It's like she's singing about my life!!!! Creeeepy. 

"So long as we are under the control of disturbing emotions, real happiness is hard to find." - Dalai Lama

A change in tune after that lovely Friends With Benefits discussion, but something I've been struggling with these past few weeks that I thought I would share.

After a rather over-indulgent summer (but lots of fun nonetheless!!) I've felt the need to go into a period of hard reflection to get back on track with life. I suddenly had enough of whatever was happening in my life (decisions I was making, where my focus was being directed) and needed to just stop and be still for a little while. Perhaps it was the change of seasons that provided a catalyst for this, but whatever it was I felt the need to retract a bit. I have been reading some great books lately (10-10-10 by Suzy Welch is awesome!), going on some long walks by the trees and water close to my house, getting back to the gym FINALLY, and trying to get back into mediating. Yes MEDITATING!!! I can hear the collective gasp around the world. Most people feel this is an impossible feat for someone like me, or are shocked to know that I in fact took meditation classes that had me sitting in silence for a 45 WHOLE MINUTES without moving!!!!!! Impressive I KNOW! It was quite the accomplishment letting my constant flow of thoughts sail right through my head without attaching myself to them. PFFFFT...OK...just kidding...so I attached myself to some of them, but nevertheless, I didn't vocalize these thoughts to anyone at that particular moment like I normally would so yay for freakin me! YAY I SAY!!! (Homer...I had an inner filter!!! haha let your mom know!)  Meditating is an important and necessary factor to finding clarity in your life and to feel inner peace. It allows us to silence all the chaos and emotional turmoil that resides in any one of us, and helps release those negative emotions or find truth and hear what our hearts have to say. It helps us discipline our minds and let our emotions simmer down - which means allowing ourselves to detach from them!!! This is freakin hard to do I tell you! I have definitely been ruled by my emotions more often than not which doesn't come as a surprise to anyone!! I am one that is quick to react which is not uncommon for people to do, but something that would be best to control. Who hasn't yelled at the 89 year old woman in the car in front of you going 40 in a sixty when you're late for work though?! Or who hasn't scoffed at the person with 17 food items in a 16 item lane??! Or who hasn't made things worse in their head (or perhaps an entirely different scenario) than what's actually happening in reality?  I'm only human damnit!! *sob* There really has to be a balanced state of heart and mind because that is where you'll find happiness and contentment. I've longed for that inner peace and sense of contentment, but I give into my ego and reactions too often because quite honestly it's harder to NOT react than to just calm down and find another way to solve the issue at hand.

Sometimes we actually LIKE to get caught up in the excitement or drama of a situation as it makes you feel alive or that you are feeling at all (whether it be blowing things out of proportion with your boyfriend or husband (with hopefully a damn good make-up session after), or getting so excited over chocolate that you're shaking inside). It becomes as addicting as a drug however, as you start to feed off the high whether it's good or bad. The feeling becomes familiar and you start to associate certain situations with this type of feeling. This way of living is not really living at all as there is a lack of stability associated with it. It causes stress on the body and mind and should be nipped in the bud. Once the adrenaline dies down the other extreme presents itself and its not that fun. I have struggled with feeling content when nothing is really going on in my life and when my emotions I guess are at a balanced point (which is generally thought of as a good thing to most people!!!). I equate this straight lined emotional level as having a lack of purpose and start to feel bored and like I'm not living life to its potential. I then search for the next thing that will make my life more exciting. It's a vicious circle!!!! I have to remember that it is OK to be at a stand still; to be calm at times; and to rest and be patient with life. This doesn't mean I can't have that zest for life, it just means I can have that zest for life with a clearer heart and mind!  It is not wasting time letting life unfold by itself. And it is not being a boring old person if I am NOT letting my emotions rule my world. Being grounded is the way to be apparently *sigh*.

Anywho...those are my thoughts right now. This clearly is nothing like the last post but hopefully someone can relate to this one!!!!

Til next time (which will be after Vegas...eek. Trouble fo sho biatches!!! Definitely won't be grounded there!!)

Lovely Lianne ;) XO

Have You Ever Had a Back-Up or a Friend With Benefits?

Accompanied by "Booty Call" by G.Love and The Special Sauce.

Hiro!!

I was going to write about something else this week but my co-worker and I from a restaurant I work at engaged in an interesting conversation topic the other night. It was about emergency sex. Or a "Back-Up Reserve". OR FWB (Friends with Benefits). Or simply put...Fuck buddies. There were two whole movies made about this topic this past year or two, and numerous stories and articles written about it, which led me to ask the question: Has anyone had (or has) someone like that in their life? It's really the perfect set up to satisfy your needs when you are single and do not want a relationship (or do not have any prospects at that time). You trust that person...you're attracted to that person (or perhaps not really)...and that person is just as ready to go as you are. Perfect deal if you can keep your feelings from squashing this set-up!! For me I've only had a few back-ups in my lifetime (when I was at school) and have been approached by a few friends to engage in this FWB thing. If I were drunk maybe I would do my friends but I can't just have sex with them if I'm not feeling any attraction there. Sex without that animalistic passion of wanting to rip someone's clothes off isn't really that fun!!!! It's just sex then, and personally I'd feel like a prostitute if the attraction wasn't mutual. I don't want to be pretending to make sounds of enjoyment when I could actually be making sounds of enjoyment because I was enjoying it.

HIM: This feels so good doesn't it?
ME: Uh...oh...oh...oh. Yah...totally.

I often wonder if people can really carry on doing this for a long period of time without getting their feelings involved. Personally I don't think many people (maybe more women then men) can and I certainly can't. We aren't robots, and deep down people want to feel that connection with someone and not see it as just sex. Doing it once or twice is alright but continuous intimacy will form attachment eventually. That friend or back-up starts to look mighty fine and you start to wonder if there could be a future together. Once that scenario starts in your head freakin ABORT!!!! if it's only sex you are after and if you want to still remain friends at the end. You don't want to feel like you're breaking up with someone or feel like you are being used when its all said and done.

Here are some of the many rules to follow that I found in my research that helps a FWB situation to successfully continue (mainly for woman) without emotions getting involved:

1. Don't Try to Change Them. This is a sure recipe to getting hurt. It's supposed to be casual and fun with no strings attached. They don't have to fit into the boyfriend/girlfriend mold in your head.

2. Don't Be the Affair. Self-Explanatory.

3. Don't Be Exclusive. Date other guys or else you'll become attached to this one situation. And don't go out the bar with your back-up if you're looking to pick up other people. What if you didn't pick someone up and they did? Claws may come out.

4. Communicate. If you don't want to do it anymore say it before things get weird, hurtful and just shitty.

5. Don't Force or Expect Them To Do "girly/boyfriendy" Things. It's not a relationship of that kind so don't make it like it is.

6. Be Understanding. If your FWB finds someone else in the process of effing, be happy for them and move on.

7. Don't Be Dependent. Do not look for a few "benefits" to make yourself feel desirable or pretty.
8. Be SAFE!!! You don't want a baby with this dude/chick...or an STD.
9. Have FUN! That's the whole point isn't it?

10. Set Up Some Ground Rules First. Make sure you air out all the boundaries and rules before you start the deed. Time, place, who you are going to tell, etc.

11. Set Up a Time Frame. The more you eff the more it's going to be harder to break it off for one of the parties involved. Set up a time frame of how long this can go on for.

12. DO NOT HAVE EXPECTATIONS OF ANY KIND!! Except for respect of course.You shouldn't feel cheap or devalued.

13.AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD (from me)...DO NOT enter into a FWB "relationship" PRETENDING this is all you want if you have been secretly in love with this friend or guy/girl of yours. Your mad sexual acrobatic skills will not woo them into wanting you all of a sudden (unless you're Jenna Jamieson in bed perhaps).  Rule #11 won't come by easily along with all the other rules for that matter! And conversely, DO NOT get into a FWB with someone you know has liked YOU forever just to suit your own needs (as you know it would be a sure thing). Being completely selfish isn't the name of this game as you ARE friends first.

Anywho for those that can do this...good on you!!!  To have sex with someone you've cared about as a friend and person in general is a little harder and could be dangerous territory to cross into. There is definitely nothing wrong with trying to fulfill a human need and have some fun along the way. It's if you can handle it that's the issue.

Those are my thoughts!!!! Have a great day everyone!

Lovely Lianne ;) XO

Have You Ever Had Troubles Keeping the Faith?

Accompanied by "Strength, Courage and Wisdom" by India Arie. Perfect lyrics. OR George Michael's "Faith" which has nothing to do with this blog topic but who doesn't like a little George Michael??!

Sorry for being MIA! It's been a crazy last few weeks for me after coming back from vacation. Work...work work...fun...work, fun, work. Fun. Some very interesting opportunities coming my way though so we shall see where life takes me soon! In the midst of all this craziness a few revelations were presented to me:

1) I need to calm my hormones down. Like seriously...eff.
2) I need to buy groceries eventually. Surviving on fridge air isn't working so much.
3) I need to be less like a guy and perhaps more like a girl.
4) I need to feel I deserve more than what I'm accepting.
5) I should really go back to the gym I've been paying for for the last 9 months. 
6) I don't know what I'd do without the invention of batteries. Thank the effing lord.

ANNNNDDDDD....

7) I need to have more faith and learn to let go of situations that don't serve me well!!

Faith faith faith. G. Mike sang about it, we are told to live by it, religions swear by it (let go and let God), but sometimes it's not that easy!! Perhaps it's the Virgo in me coming out wanting to control everything and anything, or maybe its the lack of stability growing up that makes me weary of having faith in anything, but letting go and having faith and trust has always been a somewhat difficult thing to grasp. It's tough to have faith when your life is stagnant and you have no effing clue what lies in front of you. It's hard to have faith when you repeatedly don't get what you want in life (jobs, relationships, money!! etc.) If there is a higher power up there listening to me and my ego ridden requests, why isn't he/she/it giving me what I'm asking for damnit??! Pssshhhaw. With all this said, it's the lack of faith in the universe, and lack of trust and confidence in my intuition and abilities that has lead me down the road called Constant FUCKING FRUSTRATION!! Like really. I tend to beat my head against a wall quite a bit over things that I KNOW won't work out but I don't want to let go of because I don't have the complete faith that something better will come along. If you've tried everything to get a situation in your life to work because you WANT it to work, even with your gut screaming at you to freaking stop the madness, then that's where faith HAS to come in and the surrendering has to start. Its wasteful to exert that much energy that can be directed to something more positive! This over attentiveness to the useless situation is also providing the perfect blindfold to the perfect opportunity that you've been waiting for forever that's right in front of your face. On the other side of the coin, there are times I don't take any action AT ALL because I'm too afraid and don't have any faith in my own self or the gifts that I've been given. I will procrastinate and do everything in my power to avoid putting myself in a place of vulnerability just in case I fail. Eventually life forces me to take action but with much resistance (control control control!!).
   Essentially by trying to control everything in life, you aren't leaving much breathing room to let things flow  how they are supposed to. You become riddled with anxiety and your knuckles turn white due to how tightly the reigns are being held. Things cannot be forced to happen whether we try hard or not. The universe has a mind of its own unfortunately. This past year I've been trying REALLY hard to just let go and let the universe do its thing. There is constant struggle between what my mind is wanting and what my intuition is saying. However despite my control issues and lack of faith in certain situations, I still have always believed that there is a purpose or plan for us and that we just need to be aware and listen to the cues we receive in life to fulfill this purpose. My issue is that I'm impatient and want things to happen at this instant, and I take control of things when it's not the right time. Theeeen I start to lose hope and faith because nothing is working in my favour. I'm trying to live with the belief that opportunities will present themselves to me at their own time, that will move me forward in the direction I desire. Whatever is meant to be will be, and when a door closes hopefully a huge ass door will open in its place. It's much less stressful taking this approach than carrying all the pressure on my own shoulders. There is no need to carry the burden when there is help and guidance out there to support me. Even if we don't see in the moment why things are happening in our lives that may be less than desirable, hindsight eventually comes in and there is a sudden realization of why all the shit happened in the first place. Starting the writing thing has certainly made me feel like I'm on some sort of track, which in turn has helped me let go of the frustration attached to other aspects of my life. I feel like life is starting to move upward and I feel that this year is going to be a great one. I will keep the faith that I'll meet the right guy, find the right profession that suits me, become a successful writer, and perhaps settle down and have kids one day (although I'm scared of producing devil children!!!) It will all happen when the time is right :) But please God...if you're listening...can you make it happen sooner than later??? Pretty please? ;)

Love ya's!!!!
Lovely Lianne :) XOXOX

Have You Ever Been to Bouctouche?

Accompanied by some Acadian Music!!!

Hey yoooo!!! SO I haven't written in a while mainly because I've been running around like an ant that's ready to be stepped on. My birthday just recently passed (the big Christ year...33!!!!!) and what better way to celebrate than to kick it off with an East Coast roadie! WOOOOHOOO! My mother, brother, his girlfriend Erin and I were all going down for my cousins wedding and I was super excited!!!!! This road trip was a bit different from my last ones due to the fact that I decided to drive up by myself. They went up a day before. The main reasons for that were:

1) I got in a fight with my Mom and probably would have thrown myself out of the car at the 2 hour mark of our trip. Period. The trip was great though with her and I :)
2) My birthday was the day before my family was to leave...aatttttt 6 a.m. Eff that. I would have been hungover...sleep deprived...and unprepared. And hungover.
3) I was unprepared.
4) I wanted to experience the liberation of driving by myself somewhere and seeing if I could actually arrive at my destination relatively in tact.
5) I wanted to see how long it would have taken before I went stir crazy and started to talk to my steering wheel...and or the imaginary passenger beside me...and or the people beside me in traffic. And or the dust bunnies floating around in my car. There ARE one hundred million of them so conversation would have certainly been continuous.
6) I wanted a chance to be with myself and reflect on my life!!! And reflect I freakin did. Definite changes needing to be made.

So off I went on September 1st at 5:30 a.m....my 33rd year in full effect and my eyes barely open. My dog wanted to attack me as I said goodbye which wasn't the kind of goodbye I had hoped for. Bitch. I had gotten up at 4 a.m. to pack the rest of my stuff which was still hanging up wet from the AFTERNOON before. Like seriously?? Awesome. I did the last minute check around to see if all was OK for my friend Deana who was staying at my place to look after the dog. I even cleaned for her. I almost didn't want to leave because I was enjoying my clean apartment so much *sigh...I am such a great friend* It was still dark out when I left and I looked like crap. I drove down the 401 with nothing but open road in front of me and a sense of absolute freedom! The sun was starting to come up, traffic was non-existent, my music was blaring, my voice was starting to come back which made it much easier to screech out the songs from my Ipod, and my eyes were becoming less foggy. I passed through Ontario snacking on all the shit I bought and sailed into Quebec with ease, which is where I unfortunately ran into my first snag. As I was belting out the tunes and loving life, my foot was also loving its life. The more I got excited the more my foot got excited and the more the gas peddle was getting excited. It was SOOO strange how that was all happening.  It was too late before I noticed the cop car sitting to my left waiting for easy targets like me to nail (and not in a sexual way). Fucker. Of course being from Ontario and as my friend pointed out, having a Leafs border around my license plate, I was fucked. I wonder if he noticed the expired sticker as well and if my unpaid Quebec parking ticket from three years ago would come up on his records. I quickly slowed down to 110 and slowly switched over to the right lane. I was hoping he would just leave me alone, but theeeen his stupid ass colourful lights came on and I had to move onto the shoulder. I slowly opened my window staring at him all doe eyed, batting my eyelashes a bit.

Cop: "You were going 128 and it's 100 here (pretty sure I was going 140 but whatever dude)."

Me: "I know....I'm trying to get to New Brunswick (yelling that excitedly! maybe he would get excited too I thought!) You should really get off the side of the road because there are a lot of trucks flying by."

My fake concern didn't work.  He went into his car to write me a ticket. Eff man. I tried not to let this bring my mood down, and started to pay better attention to my speed demon ways (which really meant...140 140 140 oops I'm going 140. 120 120 130 135 140...oops I'm going 140....) I took a power nap at 3:30 for 15 minutes and I felt more alive for the second leg of my drive. I crossed the New Brunswick border at 6:30 and a half hour before I reached my destination I got lost. It was 10:30 by that time, and I went down the wrong highway having a slight panic attack on the phone with my cousin. It was dark, the road signs said I was on my way to PEI, and I was afraid of moose and deer attacking me. BAH! I pulled off on the side of the road with cold sweats and a palpitating heart. My cousin directed me back to where I was supposed to go which I half listened to in the midst of my panic. Thankfully I wasn't far off from the correct highway exit. A half hour later I MADE IT!!!!!! And I was alive!!!!! My cousins and my mother were waiting up for me relieved that I didn't die. I felt happy that I accomplished something and it was so great to see my family.

I've been going to Bouctouche since I was a kid. My mother's side all live there, and it's one of those towns where you have to pray to god that you're not making out with one of your family members (its pretty small). It is a half hour away from Moncton, and is absolutely magical. We are the offspring of the Bouctouche Mofia...a clan made up of some powerful sisters whom can make news travel within 5 seconds of the news being delivered to one of them. I feel quite lucky to be a part of this family.  There is so much creativity and hard work that runs through our blood and so much love. We used to have amazing bonfires at my cousins cottage on the beach with all the neighbouring cottages joining in, and of course a few cute boys attending (that were probably my cousins). I remember having crushes on Michel and Julian, and trying to be set-up with a guy named Maurice. Those were the days. We would make trips to the beach (trying to avoid the disgusting jellyfish in the Bay of Fundy), visit my grandparents and my great-aunts and cousins (who tried desperately to teach us Chiac..which is really Frenglish - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chiac), and we would stop in at The Dixie Lee for some greasy food.  I remember this one summer my cousins Danielle and Michelle and my sister and I all went into Moncton to watch Free Willy. I would say we were probably 14 or so and when we sat down, there was a bunch of teenagers that sat down beside us and in front of us. There was this guy that sat beside me and the whole movie we would have our one arm and leg pressed together. Oh Free Willy. Oh boys. Such innocence. So many great memories. I was lucky to have two of my best friends come down with me one year as we all went on an East coast road trip. It was nice to show them how I spent many of my summers and have them meet my family.

The next four days of this years trip were amazing. We couldn't have asked for better weather, and we were even able to go to the beach and chill out for a few of the days. We made day trips to Moncton and to PEI which was super fun, and no one killed each other in the car which was a bonus! The wedding for my cousin Denis and his now wife Kristin was beautiful. It was intimate and full of love (and I cried which I don't normally do at weddings)! They had a great band, some really cool hand made pinwheel centre pieces (in lieu of flowers!) and I was able to catch up with all of my cousins I haven't seen since last year. A lovely evening for sure and I'm so happy for them!!!!

A couple of days after the wedding I may have driven with my parking break on for probably 15 minutes..up a hill...unnoticed until my brother and Erin heard a loud screeching sound. I didn't even realize that sound was coming from my car! When we got out of the car there was smoke coming out of both back tires and a lovely burning smell. God damnit. We had just come back from the beach so my mind wasn't in the right place clearly!

I feel hopeful for the year to come :) After having an incredible two hour conversation with my cousin Sylvio the last day I was in Bouctouche, I was able to put my life into perspective. Things are certainly shifting in a good direction so here is to an amazing year 33!!!!! I arrived back in Ontario 11:30 Tuesday night after an 18 hour drive that went surprisingly well (minus getting lost in Montreal for a bit). Can't wait for the next time :)

Some pics for your viewing pleasure:

Beach!!!!!

Eco Centre in Bouctouche. A good portion got ruined by a storm recently.

Bonfire at my cousins house when I went up with my friends

"Downtown Bouctouche"

Hope everyone is doing amazing!!!!! Au revoir! :)

Lovely Lianne xoxo

Have You Ever Been Afraid of Love?

Accompanied by "I Wanna Know What Love Is" by Foreigner. Fun song to scream out in the car. 

I can't believe it's the end of August already!!!!! Four more days until I turn....18. Sheesh. Where the time has flown eh?

These past few months I've really been talking a lot about love and all the stuff surrounding that word. Unconditional loooove....hook-uuuupsssss....daaaaating...all fun stuff. With all this talk about love I have come to a conclusion that...I am in LOVE with LOVE (or maybe the idea of love)!!! I AM! And I freakin' love boys as my friend Dave pointed out this week (well more men than boys because that would make me a pedophile/puma/cougar and I refuse to be labeled...psh). Thanks as well Dave for posting that on my Facebook wall. I am definitely a romantic at heart and have loved the idea of relationships since I was in day care (and that's no joke!!!) I remember exchanging buttons with a boy at the sandbox when I was probably four. Now I remember people pressing my buttons if you know what I mean...woot woot!! (too much info for some people but whatever!) I cry at all the sappy romantic comedies (and love all the making out/sex stuff...yeah yeah). I love the excitement of someone new in my life. I love the banter and the flirting in the beginning. I love daydreaming about where it could possibly lead, and all the things we could do together. I love seeing old people holding hands at the restaurant still engrossed in conversation like they just met (or maybe they did just meet but regardless it's super cute). Like what could you possibly still talk about??! I love all of it from afar because it's not going to break up with me that way. Pathetic eh?? I theeeeeeen start to freak out when there is a possibility that love could actually happen to ME and a new situation could actually turn out! Holy mother of God! A relationship!!!! For someone who loves love I should be more excited about the possibilities of love, however I am not. I may have become a bit jaded over the years observing certain marriages in my immediate family, or seeing the divorce rate rapidly climbing...or seeing people cheating on each other all the time. I'm actually petrified of the reality of love and the possibility of rejection and people getting bored of me. There is such a deep seeded fear of being unloved and major fears that I'm not worthy of love. I'm also pretty independent so until the right guy comes a long I'm pretty fine with being single. I tend to pick guys that are a bit of a challenge and give me bread crumbs for attention (or are total flakes). Things start off great in the beginning - there's flirting, attentiveness, and mutual interest, and then as my interest starts to show a bit more I start to get taken for granted. For instance, typical texting conversations start to go like this:

Me: Hey there! How's it going? How was your weekend?
Him: Good.
Me: What did you do? Was it fun?
*five hours later*
Him: Bar. Yah. (didn't think that that question took a large amount of thought)
Me: Cool!
Him: **TUMBLE WEEDS AND CRICKETS**
Me: K...see ya.
Him: **TUMBLE WEEDS AND CRICKETS**

Asshole.

OR It's this:

Me: Hey :) What's up?
NO ANSWER.

Fuck you then.

I pretend that this doesn't really bother me and don't really say anything to avoid any conflict, but it effing does bother me! Am I not worthy of a simple answer (and for anyone I have done that to I am seriously sorry!)? The worst is, is if I don't contact them for a week they will write me to see what's going on and where I've been but then not answer after a few messages. Why are you bothering buddy? Are you checking to see if I'm still pining over you? Damn egos. No...I'm not pining over you. I'm avoiding you and your nonsense behaviour. HAH! SO THERE! I could be attracting these people because I subconsciously know they aren't available emotionally and have their own commitment issues or could be attracting them because I feel that's what I deserve deep down inside. I tend to waste more time on the guys that aren't worth my time than see the great guys in front of me. This has been my predicament. Allowing yourself to receive the right kind of love means that you have to also love yourself wholeheartedly. And by loving yourself, I mean loving ALL parts of yourself. Loving your big feet, or your personality. Loving the fact that you explode with anger or have a bad day. Loving your past and your soul. If you love yourself you won't accept any shit from other people because you know you deserve the best. This has been a battle I've faced for a while, but have slowly started to conquer. I have always felt I needed to defend or justify who I am because obviously I am not a wallflower in this world and people like to throw out their opinions. I tend to have believed most of these opinions and started to feel like a defect or ashamed. I know I'm a bit too much to handle at times...perhaps having a bit too much energy, or perhaps being a little bit too loud most times but sometimes I can't help that!! I know I talk too much, and run around like a 5 year old but that's me god damnit! I have to just accept that I'm not made for everyone and to not take things personally and move on to people who do appreciate me. And that goes for all people in my life. It doesn't mean I'm undeserving of love.

I'm going on a date tonight with a truly nice guy who actually carries on a conversation, who planned out the date, and who is genuinely excited to go on this date. I, on the other hand, am kind of scared. This all seems too easy. I'm waiting for the ball to drop or for myself to just sabotage it. We are going golfing so hopefully I don't hit anything I'm not supposed to. If anything it will be good practice to be courted and to be treated with respect (even if it doesn't work out in the end). Wish me luck!!!

Lovely Lianne :) xo

Have You Ever Had a Vacation Hook-Up?

Accompanied By "I Wanna Sex You Up" by Color Me Bad and "Could You Be Loved" by Bob Marley. You set your own mood.

I was listening to the radio this morning on the way to work and it said that 1/3 of the population (or something like that) has randomly hooked up with someone on vacation. Who hasn't eh? If you haven't get on it. What's funny about this news report is that I was going to write this week's blog about this! It's a sign so here I go. Now...I may be at risk of making myself look like a tramp, but I can assure you I'm far from that...well...when I'm home.

Let's set the scene shall we (hypothetically of course):

"Could You Be Loved" by Bob Marley is playing in the distant background. You're lying on the beach in Jamaica under the stars beside this gorgeous guy named....uh...a guy that you've talked and flirted with all night long. Bow chica bow wow you think. You feel content, and connected.You hold hands as the ocean crashes in front of you, chatting in a VERY tipsy state for hours. You look at each other and start making out. Things start to get a little hot and heavy. Your hair softly blows in the wind (or perhaps wildly but you don't notice). Sand gets in your eyes and in your underwear but you don't care. This is just perfect. Just perfect. It doesn't matter that you can taste the beer your beau had been drinking for the whole night. It was a part of him so it didn't matter. You go back to whoever's hotel room to continue your jaunt as the beach police kick you off the beach for indecent exposure. Oops. You stumble around the room...rip off your clothes as your beau takes a nap (aka. passed out). The rest is of course up to your imagination. Perhaps he was woken up. Perhaps he wasn't. The next day you wake up...look at the OK looking guy next to you smelling like stale alcohol, gently nudge him to wake up. He looks at you...you look at him...and you ask "what the eff is your name again?"

Oh vacation hook ups. How I love you. For me a vacation hook up seems to be the only action I get these days. Like seriously...for me to get ANY action I actually HAVE to leave the province or the country. I don't know what it is...maybe I feel more free and relaxed, maybe I drink more alcohol...maybe I actually make myself available...maybe I'm not working a hundred and one hours a week that I can actually TALK to someone period...maybe I'm just a huge commitment phobe and know it's just for fun!!! Whatever the reason...it's pathetic to think about. The spiders in my room have more sex than I do in my own room! They are certainly fun experiences but short lived. If only I could be as free while at home. C'mon Lovely Lianne!!!! C'mon. Get with the program!!! What's really funny about vacation hookups is that there is this immense amount of passion that comes along with them. You connect quickly and people you may not normally go for at home are somehow good enough to be with on vacation. He could have three eyes, green hair, and a whole body tattoo, but whatever! He's rad! When you get back you want to continue talking and connecting with them and crazily think..."omg I'm going to go to Australia, or BC, or Greece to meet them again and be with them FOREVER!!!" It all feels so romantic and fun and POSSIBLE! Pft. You do connect after the trip and talk for a bit but that eventually fizzles out as you can only talk about what happened on the trip so much. This COULD happen to some people, but that's a long shot. I CAN say that there have been a few guys I've met on vacation that I've met up with when I've gotten home. They did not work out for the long term but it happened damnit! I've added four of the more significant encounters in my short 32 years of living:

NEW YORK GUY: One guy I met while I was in New York on St. Patrick's Day. I didn't even really talk to him all night but we got each other's BBM's at the end of the night and he wouldn't stop messaging me. We didn't hook up while in New York but talked pretty much everyday over BBM after I got back for four months straight. He was super nice, and older than me...and Irish. Accents are sexy. He ended up flying to Port Credit to bring me out on a date which was extremely romantic I thought, and kind of crazy. I wasn't totally sure I wanted him to come but I bit the bullet and out he flew. Why not right? I took Karate classes when I was eight. I could take him down if he turned out to be psycho! We went to dinner by the lake and out to a local bar and got a little tipsy (mainly because I was exhausted from the work day!) The night went alright, although I think he thought it went better than me (at least that's what I was getting after he kept repeating that it was such a fantastic night in my ear). I don't want to divulge too many details from the end of the night as he really is a great guy so that will be kept secret! He flew out again once more a month later and we went to a soccer game and a friends BBQ. It was comfortable and he got along great with my friends. It felt good to be with someone mature and not socially retarded! He came back to my place and we chatted and cuddled but couldn't do much else as my dog wouldn't stop barking at us. She jumped on my bed and sat on his pillow above his head and once below his feet. And she spooned with me! Fucking dog. It was brutal. Needless to say logistically it wasn't happening. He owned a business in New York and I wasn't about to move there (although I love New York City!). Ah well. C'est la vie.

BEN: Then there was Ben. Ben oh Ben. I met him while on an East Coast road trip with my two girlfriends. We met at a bar called Cheers in Halifax (which was our first destination) and he boldly came up to our table of three girls and sat down. He was kind of short (but cute) which I don't normally go for as I'm pretty tall for a girl, but I had a least 8 shots or more by that point and didn't really care. I wanted to kiss a boy and that's what I aimed to do. I actually would have preferred to make out with his tall hot friend but Ben was the ballsy one so Ben it was. Throughout the night he got more and more drunk and even called one of the guys I was with a fag. I slapped his face. You would think that that comment would have deterred me from hooking up with Ben, but no. Beer goggles were tightly fastened around my face and the logical part of my brain was completely turned off. Stupid alcohol. We all stumbled home and whatever happened...uh...happened that night. The next day we exchanged numbers and my friends and I continued on our road trip. Ben was from Ontario and we decided to set up a date when I got home. I thought I'd give him a chance, even with him being short and all. We went to a Jays game and out for dinner and he drank the whole time. It was definitely not the most romantic time but it was fun I guess. We got a long pretty well and met up with some people I knew that we randomly met walking back to his hotel. We all partied that night at The Gladstone (it was karaoke night). That's where things got messy. At the end of the night when we jumped in the cab to go home, he told the cab driver who was wearing a turban that he had a nice hairdo which I got so angry about and I started to yell at him. Then he told this actor that I really liked (since it was TIFF week) that he was a fag. Like seriously guy??? Are you scared of them?? I was completely turned off and that was that! HAH.

VEGAS BOY: Oh Vegas. The land of gambling and secrets. Sin City. And boy did I ever sin. After kissing one guy already and losing my camera (which I proceeded to cry really hard about) at Rain Nightclub, I met "Sean". We talked and danced while Run DMC was doing his thang, and we were having a great time. He seemed pretty cute from what I was able to see, and we seemed to have endless conversation (which probably consisted of a lot of repetition..."Oh this is fun". Yah it's so fun". "Oh this is so fun". "Uh yah...this is so fun."). At the end of the night we shared a long kiss and got each other's phone numbers. This was only the second night that my friends and I were there so there was definite potential to meet up again. And this we did. We met up the second last night I was there. He came over after to my room as he was at a bar in the hotel I was staying at. I had just puked my guts out and I looked ravishing. I quickly brushed my teeth and opened the hotel door. My friend was passed out in the bed beside mine so we ended up going into the lobby to "talk". We actually did talk and we made out on the couch in front of the elevators probably for like two hours. I'm pretty sure the lobby camera caught most of it which I'm sure was nothing new. I'm also sure there was worse things they've seen on those cameras. So blah blah blah we kept kissing and we perhaps ended up in the ice machine room and the staircase at one point to uh...inspect the space. It was quite animalistic and passionate and bad of me but it's Vegas so why not. We didn't part until 8:30 that morning and didn't see each other for the rest of our trip. So sad.

And last but not least....

QUEBEC-ACTION: This trip deserves a blog in itself because it was one of the biggest debacles of my life. It could be Hangover 3 really. I will not be giving too much information about this trip as it will just confirm to my mom that I am in fact an alcoholic (which I am not!). I first of all didn't think I would wake up without a hangover let alone get any action that night. I met "T", who was a Westcoaster, when I ventured back to the place I had my last memory, which was the Chateau Frontenac. This is where we all were pre-drinking. I was hoping I would find my camera and phone as I had them both in someone's room. It was 4:30 a.m. when I started walking to the hotel and I don't know how I was functioning to tell you the truth. By the look of everyone else's faces when I arrived on the 4th floor, neither could they. They looked like they were seeing a ghost. "T" knew who I was due to what ensued 5 hours prior, I however did not remember "T". What I will say is that he is a great guy. He was genuinely concerned for me and he walked around outside with me so I could have some sort of night! The sun was coming up which was kind of nice. THEN whatever happened...happened. Haha. The end. We contacted each other for a long while after that and still text once in a while which is nice. 

There have been a few other scandalous adventures after these ones that I will keep between the people who were a part of them and the friends that I told. HA. I've probably already divulged too much information. Why not add a little excitement to an overworked life though eh? As long as you are safe and you tell your friends where you are going then you are good. That's my advice kids. I am making an extra effort these days to meet people that live closer to me (meaning I'm actually talking to people here period). Not to just hook-up, but to maybe pursue something REAL!! Sigh. The trials of single life.

I hope everyone has a great rest of the week :) Til next time people.

Lovely Lianne ;) XO

Have You Ever Been To The Toronto Gift Show?

Ola!!!!! SO...I thought I'd write about the Toronto Gift Show that I went to this past weekend because my article won't really be able to talk about my own personal experience while there.

The morning started off quite early, which for me wasn't so fun considering it was my weekend "off" from my other jobs. I had to be at an awards show by 8:30 which meant that I had to set my alarm...which meant I had to hear my alarm...which meant I had to wake up. It could be a hit or miss generally. I decided to bypass the walking my dog part of the morning which for her was not very good and perhaps not a very good mommy thing to do, but I needed to function and get all the sleep I could get!!!  I didn't eat breakfast because I thought I'd only go for a couple of hours and was hoping there would be snacks there. I read the media sheet briefly to see where I was supposed to go and started my journey to The International Centre in Mississauga. When I arrived and went through the front doors of Hall 5, it was clear that I should have probably read the media sheet a little closer. I was supposed to be in an entirely different building to check-in. Oops. They were very accommodating however, and gave me a different coloured media pass until they could print me off a new one later on in the day. I just chatted with the girl in the lobby until my pass was given to me. I tried to fit in and pretend that I knew what this whole gift world was about but eff man that wasn't happening. What a world it is! The awards show itself was pretty cool as it was showcasing the 10 best products on the market for 2011 within different categories. I personally enjoyed the notebook made of limestone from Made By Humans. Pretty cool concept!!! The pages are water resistant! which is perfect for a water whore like me who spills shit on her papers all the time at work! When the awards show was over I sauntered into one of the halls where the general gifts were. I ran into a lady who made inspirational cards which is exactly what I wanted to do prior to doing this event gig. She said she was looking for writers so I'm going to jump on that!! SCORE! (check out her webpage at www.soultalk.ca). I went to a couple more booths but couldn't handle the amount of things to look at so I went to the media lounge and grabbed a coffee. By then I was debating whether or not I should go to the Congress Centre to view the rest of the booths. I decided to go based on the fact that there were free samples from all the different food vendors. Easy decision. Duh. Plus there was someone I met briefly before, running a stationary booth, so on I drove to the next venue. This venue was even more overwhelming than the last. There were so many rooms to visit! Blah! I squeezed my car in between two others which was a bad idea as it had been raining for a bit while I was driving over, which got my car wet, which in turn made my blue skirt wet on my ass as I got out of the car! Not a great impression as I'm trying to look professional as a media person. It looked like I was either sweating a lot or that I peed myself. First order of business when I stepped into the building was to dry my skirt. The walk to the washroom was really long and by the time I got there, there was hardly any wet spots on my skirt so I touched up my make up and started my walk to the food section. Wicked Gourmet was my first spot and they had fabulous dips! I tried all of them which was my breakfast for the morning. The Garlic Box was my second order of business which also had many dips and I tried all of those as well and discussed the many uses of garlic with the president of the company. If you ever get to Whole Foods try their garlic mashed potato mix!!! Amazing!!!!! And if you ever have a wart, use garlic and duck tape. Over the course of probably...10...minutes, I tried some amazing hazelnut truffles and almond gingerbread caramels from Saxon Chocolates (which I may have gone back to for seconds and talked to the president about his journey to getting to where he is now...www.saxonchocolates.com.), tried some butter tart samples from Rootham Gourmet (freaking amazing - www.roothamsgourmet.com), tried some cashew brittle from the Fudgery Shoppe, and some smoked salmon from Seachange Canadian Gifts. Their product has gone to space so obviously that needed to be eaten. I also found out one woman (who made amazing mustard's and sauces...and had chips with these sauces that obviously had to be eaten), secretly had a love of fonts. We discussed this for 20 minutes and the font choice for her bottles. There were many other stations as well, but I'm trying to avoid looking like a major pig.
     My next stop was Dave's booth which was impossible to find mainly because I can't read it seems. He works for Papere.clips which is a stationary company based out of North York. He does the graphic design there and it was neat to see all the products available that are sold within the big chains we shop at. Check out www.papereclips.com for any other information :) It was a pretty large display that looked like the size of a store!
    The entire experience of the Gift Show really showed me how hard it is to run a business, and sustain a business!!! There is so much competition out there! It's crazy! Good on you people for trying!! It's definitely a lot of work and you have to be passionate about it. I learned a lot about the whole trading part of retail, and really can say that I don't want to be a part of it!!! but thank you for letting me eat your food :)

Until next time people!!! Check out www.cgta.org if you want to learn more about the Toronto Gift Show and perhaps enter your own business as an exhibitor next year.



Bon Nuit!

Have You Ever Loved Unconditionally?

 

Accompanied by "All You Need Is Love" by The Beatles and "Everybody" by Ingrid Michaelson (great lyrics).

I haven't written a blog in a while so here it is! I'm writing about unconditional love this week because I've experienced a series of events these past few days that have produced immense anger inside. I don't like conflict AT ALL and do not like feeling this way, so I thought I'd write about love (more specifically unconditional love) to perhaps help get me out of this funk. 

As I walked my dog stewing over the issues I've been dealing with this week, I thought about how I could possibly muster up the strength to love unconditionally in the situation I am in. How can I possibly have my ego and my pride move to the side so I can send out love to this person that I'm allowing to wreak havoc in my life? How in the world did Mother Theresa do this?? How does the Dalai Lama do it? Why is it so hard much harder to love unconditionally than to continue being angry?? When I mention loving unconditionally I don't mean the romantic lovey dovey love, where hormones and lust are ruling us. What I am meaning is the kind of love that is pure, and comes straight from our hearts. This kind of love lacks judgment, and is fully and utterly complete. It is the type of love that is infinite, and not based on certain terms. Most of us probably feel that we ARE loving unconditionally, especially towards our family, friends, partners, etc., but are we? Are you letting those people be who they are without judgment? Or be who they are without expectations or demands? Are you letting them be free?? It is SO easy to judge someone based on your own perceptions of what is good or bad, and not accept someone for who they truly are. It is seemingly harder to love someone for everything that they are. In relationships of any kind, it is common to nag someone to death in order to get them to do things your way, or to try and have them live up to your standards or fit within the life YOU want. That is loving conditionally. It is the same as giving a gift with the expectation of getting something in return. How is that giving when there are strings attached?

"Hey if I give you this foot massage, can you give me three back massages because that's only fair?"

   SO how can we change this way of being so that we are all living in our hearts? It is a difficult task for sure as we live in a world full of negative media, consumerism, materialism, gossip pages, plastic surgery, greed, poverty, and so on and so on. It takes major discipline to detach yourself from all of the worlds madness and live in your heart centre. It takes major discipline to live in a more observational state of being rather than emotional state of being. By observing the world rather than reacting to the world we are able to see things clearer instead of basing our perceptions on our own emotional experiences. It takes awareness of our thoughts and our emotions to truly be able to love unconditionally. Emotions are a tricky thing and are easy to get wrapped up in. This is not saying that feeling emotion is a bad thing as it is what makes us human and alive, but learning to acknowledge the emotion, let go of it, and transmute it all into love is what is necessary. We are all put on earth to fulfill our own journeys (as I've mentioned before) and have our own personalities, and because someone doesn't fit within the mold you want for your own life, that does not make them bad or wrong. These differences need to be celebrated and loved as its what makes the world so exciting. The only way we will see the world change is by starting to love. Anger is great to kick start change, but love can kick start change as well. True love changes frequencies around us and within us, and is a universal language that can break the boundaries and limitations we are creating.  It makes us feel alive! It also is better for your health :) Think of the anxiety and physical pain negative emotions create in your life.

Additionally, when thinking about unconditional love, I can't help but think about the kind of love that's felt from our beloved pets who greet us at the door each day (or perhaps each minute) with this excitement and joy. Or that sit at our feet staring adoringly at us despite anything we may have done in our life that was deemed "wrong".  It has been said over and over again how pets are a true testament of unconditional love and this I feel is true. My dog is a little bit crazy but she is definitely a learning lesson for me in learning to love unconditionally and be accepting of others differences.  I was once walking her apologizing profusely for her psycho behaviour and this woman came up to me saying "you don't have to be sorry for who she is." She is who she is. Despite the fact that she is a little bit dangerous, the lesson did ring true and it made me really think. If we were being loved unconditionally we wouldn't have to feel the need to defend who we are to people. And if we were loving unconditionally we wouldn't be producing the need for someone else to defend themselves. 

Anywho...just some food for thought tonight. I have found some quotes that followed along the same lines as what I've said in this blog. I hope everyone has a fabulous evening and rest of the week. This definitely helped me clear some of my own thoughts.

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." ~ Thomas Merton

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get–only with what you are expecting to give–which is everything."~ Katherine Hepburn

"Love is, above all, the gift of oneself." ~ Jean Anouilh

"Love, true love, is that which can give the most without asking or demanding anything in return." ~ Mazie Hammond

"Love… What is love? Love is to love someone for who they are, who they were, and who they will be." ~ Chris Moore

"Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another’s personhood." ~ Karen Casey

 

Have You Ever Been Confused About Dating Rules?

Accompanied by am8er: 10 Date Commandments feat Lil Kim:
So I've blogged about being a pathetic dater (which sadly has not changed), however even though there is that patheticness (it's SO a word) I have still delved into the dating world regardless. I have to say...I know why I wasn't part of it in the first place for so long!!!!!! It is SO CONFUSING! Some days I wish the dating world was the same as it used to be....like in my Grandma's time where chivalry was the norm.

Girl meets boy.
She stares at him.
He stares at her.
HE approaches HER.
They "court".
He asks her to be his woman.
The end.

Now a days there's a ton of confusion of who even asks who anymore! Everyone is scared to get rejected or are confused with what the appropriate next step is to do when you like someone. I was reading an article the other day entitled "Are You Chasing Him?" and I couldn't help but think how stupid the dating game is. You aren't allowed to be friendly, or nice, or thoughtful because you will be looking like a stalker or looking too eager. And don't you look at him with your left eye while walking on your right foot or else he will think you are chasing him. And HELL! if you look at him at all he might think you want to marry him!!! I guess the only logical thing for me to do is close both my eyes and stand in one spot and hope that something happens.

CHIVALRY: Now a days chivalry isn't really existent and I blame the fact that we woman feel we HAVE to do everything for ourselves. Eff the guy who wants to do something nice and hold a door open for us (yah I'm capable of touching a handle and pulling it but who cares!!!)...or pay for dinner...or pay our school loans. Wait that's later on right? I personally LIKE chivalry. You feel respected and provided for which is something a man naturally wants to do. It's in their human nature to want to take on that role. I want to be courted. I'd like to not have to make all the decisions all the time and I'd like to feel like there is effort being made or some sort of pursuit happening (more specifically with a guy I actually like). And I like god damn flowers too!!!!! I certainly don't want to feel only like an object of someone's penis affection, so the whole courting phase is necessary. The whole respect thing is necessary. People move so fast these days and then things just fizzle out or become too complicated too early. I don't want that. I'd rather be the tortoise in this instance as I'm the hare in all other aspects of my life.

CALM & COLLECTED: Another rule is to remain calm and cool and not look super eager. Well that's awesome for someone who gets excited over a piece of lint. Or shiny things. Or cute little animals! Being a naturally excitable person, stifling this aspect of myself has been SUPER hard. I haven't felt this excited about actually wanting to be in a relationship in so long so remaining calm is not an easy feat. Why is it so bad to show someone you are interested and excited to see them or be with them? Doesn't someone WANT to know that you are interested? Why does there have to be so many rules to restrict a natural feeling??! I DON'T GET IT!!!!

DON'T HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE TOO SOON: Everyone has heard this before and I was recently reminded of this rule by my Hyundai shuttle driver named Dave (as I mentioned on Facebook). I personally agree that this is necessary because once you sleep with someone everything changes. Girls especially become attached too soon when they don't even really know that person so well. Then once the person isn't all that they are cracked up to be, the break-up is far worse because of that stupid attachment (this coming from some sort of experience!!). At this point I am grateful I fell off my horse as I'm not able to really move right now! Sorry potential person I'm going to meet.

Anywho...there are plenty of other rules as well. Here is the little list we have to follow (and that is said with total sarcasm!!!!):

(From: http://www.topdatingtips.com/dating-rules-for-women.htm)

• - Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage. You are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
• - Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
• - Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more.
• - Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
• - Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
• - Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.
• - Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
• - Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
• - Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
• - If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
• - Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
• - Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
• - Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.
• - Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom. Your ex-boyfriends are your business only.
• - Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking.
• - If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
• - If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.
• - Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
• - Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing.
• - If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
• - You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
• - If you want a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.
• - Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.

Online Dating Rules

• Always let them come to you, don't chase them via email.
• Block anyone who annoys you instantly.
• Post the best and most vampish photo you can find.
• Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines.
• Remain aloof and let yourself be chased.
• Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt.
• Never provide your real email or phone details.
• Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn.
• Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy, as well as enigmatic.
• Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best.
• Do not assume the person you are talking to is destitute or sad.
• Never ever reply to emails on weekends. Wait until a weekday.
• Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile.
• If you don't want to date married men, spell it out in your profile.
• A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored.
• Make sure your humor levels come across in text.
• Do not chat to hundreds of men at once. The delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
• Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
• Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results

Totally short eh? Not too hard to follow or remember. Why don't we all just become robots and get those rules programmed in. I better start practicing my kissing on a pillow to avoid my man walking away. PSHHHH.

What happened to "just be yourself??" Isn't that enough??? *GUSHING TEARS* I'm not good at playing games.

If there are any escapades to talk about I will include them in future blogs. Wish me luck everyone!!!! I am a natural crammer for exams so these rules are going to take a while to trickle into my brain. 

Have a great weekend!!!!

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