Have You Ever Challenged Your Fears to Live Your Dreams? - My Singing Debut

 Accompanied with "Risk" by Paul Brandt. What challenging yourself is all about.

"A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song." – Maya Angelou

Hello my pretties!

I have been slacking as per usual on my writing and I apologize!

This year has certainly been an interesting one so far. Lots of changes occurring which is exciting! As my previous blog post stated, I want to become more vulnerable in my life this year. I want to start challenging my fears and break through the limits I place on myself. I want to live my dreams damnit! SO...deciding to start the year off with a bang, I proceeded to tackle my first challenge that involved a big passion of mine - SINGING!!  Music and singing has always been an important part of my life. Without it I go crazy!! A few months ago my brother and I were in the kitchen with my mom just chatting. My brother was playing around with a new song he had written (which I personally loved since the first day I heard it). There is a female part in this particular song, so to fill it my mom suggested I jump in and sing it that night so he could practice the song. With much surprise we ended up harmonizing quite easily together and a brand new venture was born!!! I felt so much joy that night singing that song, where the feeling of elation was seriously just jumping out of my heart. A few years ago I was doing this course called The Artist's Way which is a twelve week program that helps you unlock your creativity and really just manifest whatever your heart desires. It's about following your heart without any fear. It's about finding what your heart is wanting to do without putting any limits on it - money, time, age, success. It's about letting what is in your heart come out and just be - letting the universe take care of the rest. The running trend for me throughout the course was music, performing, and singing. I've always loved musical theatre (both the singing and dancing) and have always loved watching people sing.  Perhaps it was attending many of my dad's gigs throughout my entire life that brought about this passion, but whatever the reason for its existence, it's been there for as long as I can remember. It was just something I limited myself from doing. I wasn't trained. I didn't feel I was good. I wasn't this. I wasn't that. I had the kind of thinking the course wanted you to obliterate from your life. I've always belted out tunes in my car but never around other people as I didn't want to be criticized for how I sounded. I knew I could carry a tune but would compare myself to other people and thought why bother trying to do something with it. It would take me forever to catch up to THOSE people. I mean...I am 33 right...kind of a late start. However...things changed the night I started singing with my brother. This new venture didn't have to have an outcome of any kind. It just had to be done because I loved doing it. That's it. The passion was let out, and although I was completely insecure and afraid to even sing in front of my family for god sakes, the joy was immense. I felt alive, warm, and felt a buzz that alcohol could never create! It came from the heart! 

Soon after that night, we started having discussions about performing together live which scared the absolute SHIT OUT OF ME!! I've never been a great public speaker or felt comfortable doing anything in front of people throughout my entire life. I remember the massive anxiety I felt when I had to do speeches at school (perhaps it was choosing the lame subject of swimming for my first ever speech that was the catalyst to this problem). I would hope to god each year that boys I liked were NOT in my classes that required presentations. That honestly was the first thing I would think of when I read the list of names that would be in my class for the year, on the first day of school *sigh* The trials of life. I tested people throughout the next few months, letting them hear the recording of the song my brother and I recorded to observe their reaction. I certainly wasn't going to go on stage if I was going to make people's ears bleed. I didn't tell them it was me singing with him either to see if they could tell who it was. None of them had any idea it was me. People were pleasantly surprised when I told them (it began clear to me that my talking voice is much less enjoyable than my singing voice) so I kept practicing with my brother and decided to take the leap of performing live. Doomsday came very quickly, which was scheduled for January 10th, 2012. I was to perform one song at The Moonshine Cafe in Oakville, a cute little bar that is known for its wonderful musical acts and love of music in general. I have become a regular at this place and am generally known for being the extremely loud (probably annoying) girl there. No one at this bar that I got to know over this year had any idea that I actually enjoyed singing and that I could carry a tune somewhat. The only singing they had ever heard from me was the extremely terrible kind where I would pretend to sound like real crap to avoid being vulnerable. SO it was fun to be able to surprise everyone...which is what I did. I felt like I was going to be sick from nerves for the two whole days leading up to this fateful Tuesday night but battled through the feelings and stuck with the decision to perform.  I entered the Moonshine trying to remain calm and act like I was just there to enjoy the nights music. We decided we were going to sing our song third of my brother's three song set. As I sat through his first song waiting for my turn to come, I suddenly forgot all my words. I started to panic. I hadn't written anything down!!!! God help me! I had one more song before I had to go on. However, my brother being the ever so kind brother he is, decided why not surprise Lianne and have her go up during the second song! I suddenly heard..."SO...blah blah blah...something something something...Lianne to the stage". What the fuck dude. Are you kidding me?? Do you not realize I don't know the words anymore?? I slowly walked up to the stage with people around me most likely confused as to what was happening here. I did a sound check and then the song started. My hand was firmly fastened around the mic the entire time - I was trying to play the part of an established musician ;). I hoped to god as my brother started singing that the words would suddenly appear in my blank head space. Thankfully as I started to sing, the words started to come back, but as they started to come back my body started to move. I couldn't stop moving actually for the entire song and it looked like I was doing some horrific aerobic-dance-class-walking-on-the-spot move. I was desperately trying to figure out where to look and was trying not to look like I wanted to run off the stage. As the song went on my nerves started to calm a bit and I began to enjoy myself. I was so thankful to be up there with my brother, singing his incredible song, and living out one of my passions. When the song ended, hearing the cheers of the supportive crowd was unbelievable. I had survived my first performance and was so happy it was at the Moonshine. 

I have learned throughout this process that I have really been afraid expressing my own voice. Not just my singing voice, but of being heard in general. I think its mainly that I've never been confident in what I have to say so I don't really say much of anything. Singing in front of people has been the most vulnerable situation I've ever experienced next to doing a few acting classes with the wonderfully talented Tom Melissis. I felt like my soul was there for all to see and that scared me - A LOT!. I realized how afraid I was of what people thought of me and how uncomfortable it made me feel removing the shell I put around myself for protection. Mike and I have now performed four times together and will be continuing to do more shows throughout this month. It's been a great experience so far and I have signed up to do some singing lessons in hopes to learn some proper breathing techniques and exercises to improve my range. I challenge everyone to do something this year that really brings you out of your comfort zone. Think of a dream that you never felt you could accomplish due to the limitations you've put in front of yourself. Anything is possible really. It's just having the belief that you can do it that makes dreams turn into action.  I never in a million years would have thought I'd be singing in front of people and now I have and I'm so happy I did!!!! 

Next challenge...being less ignorant and more informed with the world's issues. Stay tuned.

Have a great week everyone!

Lovely Lianne :) XO

Mike and I performing at The Moonshine Cafe - 2nd performance night for me.

Lyrics from Paul Brandt:


I’d rather stand on the edge of a cliff
And hang my toes over a bit,
And then jump when they dare me,
Even if it scares me and I get hurt.
I’d rather build my wings on the way down,
Do my best not to fall to the ground
and than laugh at my mistakes
‘cause there only lessons I’ll learn


Chorus:
I’d rather burn with desire deep in my soul,
And love like a fire that’s out of control, and laugh and dance and hope
and chance and kiss
I’d rather live my whole life
with a sense of abandon,
Squeeze every drop out,
no matter what happens.
And not wonder what I've missed
I’d rather risk.


Well I guess I could just play it safe
and forget about love, hope and faith,
with my eye on the shore line,
keeping my boat tied and staying home,


ohhh but I’ll never discover new land
by keeping my feet on the sand
No I’d rather set sail
and get carried away by the storm.


Chorus:
I’d rather burn with desire deep in my soul,
And love like a fire that’s out of control, and laugh and dance and hope
and chance and kiss
I’d rather live my whole life
with a sense of abandon,
Squeeze every drop out,
no matter what happens.
And not wonder what I've missed
I’d rather risk.
I would rather risk


I’d rather burn with desire deep in my soul,
And love like a fire that’s out of control,
I’d live my whole life
with a sense of abandon,
Squeeze every drop out
no matter what happens.
And not wonder what I've missed
Oh I just can’t resist,
The chance to risk


Ohhh live, and love and laugh and dance and fall and chance and kiss