Have You Ever Had Troubles Keeping the Faith?

Accompanied by "Strength, Courage and Wisdom" by India Arie. Perfect lyrics. OR George Michael's "Faith" which has nothing to do with this blog topic but who doesn't like a little George Michael??!

Sorry for being MIA! It's been a crazy last few weeks for me after coming back from vacation. Work...work work...fun...work, fun, work. Fun. Some very interesting opportunities coming my way though so we shall see where life takes me soon! In the midst of all this craziness a few revelations were presented to me:

1) I need to calm my hormones down. Like seriously...eff.
2) I need to buy groceries eventually. Surviving on fridge air isn't working so much.
3) I need to be less like a guy and perhaps more like a girl.
4) I need to feel I deserve more than what I'm accepting.
5) I should really go back to the gym I've been paying for for the last 9 months. 
6) I don't know what I'd do without the invention of batteries. Thank the effing lord.

ANNNNDDDDD....

7) I need to have more faith and learn to let go of situations that don't serve me well!!

Faith faith faith. G. Mike sang about it, we are told to live by it, religions swear by it (let go and let God), but sometimes it's not that easy!! Perhaps it's the Virgo in me coming out wanting to control everything and anything, or maybe its the lack of stability growing up that makes me weary of having faith in anything, but letting go and having faith and trust has always been a somewhat difficult thing to grasp. It's tough to have faith when your life is stagnant and you have no effing clue what lies in front of you. It's hard to have faith when you repeatedly don't get what you want in life (jobs, relationships, money!! etc.) If there is a higher power up there listening to me and my ego ridden requests, why isn't he/she/it giving me what I'm asking for damnit??! Pssshhhaw. With all this said, it's the lack of faith in the universe, and lack of trust and confidence in my intuition and abilities that has lead me down the road called Constant FUCKING FRUSTRATION!! Like really. I tend to beat my head against a wall quite a bit over things that I KNOW won't work out but I don't want to let go of because I don't have the complete faith that something better will come along. If you've tried everything to get a situation in your life to work because you WANT it to work, even with your gut screaming at you to freaking stop the madness, then that's where faith HAS to come in and the surrendering has to start. Its wasteful to exert that much energy that can be directed to something more positive! This over attentiveness to the useless situation is also providing the perfect blindfold to the perfect opportunity that you've been waiting for forever that's right in front of your face. On the other side of the coin, there are times I don't take any action AT ALL because I'm too afraid and don't have any faith in my own self or the gifts that I've been given. I will procrastinate and do everything in my power to avoid putting myself in a place of vulnerability just in case I fail. Eventually life forces me to take action but with much resistance (control control control!!).
   Essentially by trying to control everything in life, you aren't leaving much breathing room to let things flow  how they are supposed to. You become riddled with anxiety and your knuckles turn white due to how tightly the reigns are being held. Things cannot be forced to happen whether we try hard or not. The universe has a mind of its own unfortunately. This past year I've been trying REALLY hard to just let go and let the universe do its thing. There is constant struggle between what my mind is wanting and what my intuition is saying. However despite my control issues and lack of faith in certain situations, I still have always believed that there is a purpose or plan for us and that we just need to be aware and listen to the cues we receive in life to fulfill this purpose. My issue is that I'm impatient and want things to happen at this instant, and I take control of things when it's not the right time. Theeeen I start to lose hope and faith because nothing is working in my favour. I'm trying to live with the belief that opportunities will present themselves to me at their own time, that will move me forward in the direction I desire. Whatever is meant to be will be, and when a door closes hopefully a huge ass door will open in its place. It's much less stressful taking this approach than carrying all the pressure on my own shoulders. There is no need to carry the burden when there is help and guidance out there to support me. Even if we don't see in the moment why things are happening in our lives that may be less than desirable, hindsight eventually comes in and there is a sudden realization of why all the shit happened in the first place. Starting the writing thing has certainly made me feel like I'm on some sort of track, which in turn has helped me let go of the frustration attached to other aspects of my life. I feel like life is starting to move upward and I feel that this year is going to be a great one. I will keep the faith that I'll meet the right guy, find the right profession that suits me, become a successful writer, and perhaps settle down and have kids one day (although I'm scared of producing devil children!!!) It will all happen when the time is right :) But please God...if you're listening...can you make it happen sooner than later??? Pretty please? ;)

Love ya's!!!!
Lovely Lianne :) XOXOX