Friday, 15 July 2011

Have You Ever Been Confused About Dating Rules?

Accompanied by am8er: 10 Date Commandments feat Lil Kim:
So I've blogged about being a pathetic dater (which sadly has not changed), however even though there is that patheticness (it's SO a word) I have still delved into the dating world regardless. I have to say...I know why I wasn't part of it in the first place for so long!!!!!! It is SO CONFUSING! Some days I wish the dating world was the same as it used to in my Grandma's time where chivalry was the norm.

Girl meets boy.
She stares at him.
He stares at her.
HE approaches HER.
They "court".
He asks her to be his woman.
The end.

Now a days there's a ton of confusion of who even asks who anymore! Everyone is scared to get rejected or are confused with what the appropriate next step is to do when you like someone. I was reading an article the other day entitled "Are You Chasing Him?" and I couldn't help but think how stupid the dating game is. You aren't allowed to be friendly, or nice, or thoughtful because you will be looking like a stalker or looking too eager. And don't you look at him with your left eye while walking on your right foot or else he will think you are chasing him. And HELL! if you look at him at all he might think you want to marry him!!! I guess the only logical thing for me to do is close both my eyes and stand in one spot and hope that something happens.

CHIVALRY: Now a days chivalry isn't really existent and I blame the fact that we woman feel we HAVE to do everything for ourselves. Eff the guy who wants to do something nice and hold a door open for us (yah I'm capable of touching a handle and pulling it but who cares!!!)...or pay for dinner...or pay our school loans. Wait that's later on right? I personally LIKE chivalry. You feel respected and provided for which is something a man naturally wants to do. It's in their human nature to want to take on that role. I want to be courted. I'd like to not have to make all the decisions all the time and I'd like to feel like there is effort being made or some sort of pursuit happening (more specifically with a guy I actually like). And I like god damn flowers too!!!!! I certainly don't want to feel only like an object of someone's penis affection, so the whole courting phase is necessary. The whole respect thing is necessary. People move so fast these days and then things just fizzle out or become too complicated too early. I don't want that. I'd rather be the tortoise in this instance as I'm the hare in all other aspects of my life.

CALM & COLLECTED: Another rule is to remain calm and cool and not look super eager. Well that's awesome for someone who gets excited over a piece of lint. Or shiny things. Or cute little animals! Being a naturally excitable person, stifling this aspect of myself has been SUPER hard. I haven't felt this excited about actually wanting to be in a relationship in so long so remaining calm is not an easy feat. Why is it so bad to show someone you are interested and excited to see them or be with them? Doesn't someone WANT to know that you are interested? Why does there have to be so many rules to restrict a natural feeling??! I DON'T GET IT!!!!

DON'T HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE TOO SOON: Everyone has heard this before and I was recently reminded of this rule by my Hyundai shuttle driver named Dave (as I mentioned on Facebook). I personally agree that this is necessary because once you sleep with someone everything changes. Girls especially become attached too soon when they don't even really know that person so well. Then once the person isn't all that they are cracked up to be, the break-up is far worse because of that stupid attachment (this coming from some sort of experience!!). At this point I am grateful I fell off my horse as I'm not able to really move right now! Sorry potential person I'm going to meet.

Anywho...there are plenty of other rules as well. Here is the little list we have to follow (and that is said with total sarcasm!!!!):


  • - Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage. You are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
  • - Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
  • - Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more.
  • - Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
  • - Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
  • - Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.
  • - Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
  • - Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
  • - Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
  • - If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
  • - Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
  • - Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
  • - Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.
  • - Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom. Your ex-boyfriends are your business only.
  • - Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking.
  • - If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
  • - If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.
  • - Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
  • - Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing.
  • - If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
  • - You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
  • - If you want a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.
  • - Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.

Online Dating Rules
  • Always let them come to you, don't chase them via email.
  • Block anyone who annoys you instantly.
  • Post the best and most vampish photo you can find.
  • Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines.
  • Remain aloof and let yourself be chased.
  • Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt.
  • Never provide your real email or phone details.
  • Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn.
  • Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy, as well as enigmatic.
  • Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best.
  • Do not assume the person you are talking to is destitute or sad.
  • Never ever reply to emails on weekends. Wait until a weekday.
  • Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile.
  • If you don't want to date married men, spell it out in your profile.
  • A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored.
  • Make sure your humor levels come across in text.
  • Do not chat to hundreds of men at once. The delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
  • Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
  • Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results

Totally short eh? Not too hard to follow or remember. Why don't we all just become robots and get those rules programmed in. I better start practicing my kissing on a pillow to avoid my man walking away. PSHHHH.

What happened to "just be yourself??" Isn't that enough??? *GUSHING TEARS* I'm not good at playing games.

If there are any escapades to talk about I will include them in future blogs. Wish me luck everyone!!!! I am a natural crammer for exams so these rules are going to take a while to trickle into my brain. 

Have a great weekend!!!!


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