NEW YEARS POEM!
Accompanied by the "New Year Song 2013: HA HA HA HA HAPPY NEW YEAR!"
I can't believe it is already the end of 2012! I remember writing the first blog of 2012 like it was yesterday! It is crazy how fast so many months have passed!
Looking back on this year and the intentions I had set at the beginning of the year, I can definitely say I fulfilled some of my desired goals. My main goal was to be able to challenge my fears and become more vulnerable in my life, and boy did I do that! I jumped into that intention feet first and did not look back. As I wrote in a few of my previous blogs, I started singing this year and although it has been a terrifying experience it has also been very fulfilling! Singing really relates to being comfortable expressing who you are. You are baring your soul on stage and learning to become comfortable in your skin while doing it. Singing relates to being confident in having a voice at all (expressing opinions, thoughts, worries, fears - expressing it all!!) My singing experience has been similar to writing this blog, however I am now expressing myself in public, where people can potentially criticize and judge me to my face! GAH! It is definitely still a challenge for me to this day to go up and perform some nights but I fight through the anxiety and do it anyways! I am a people pleaser and care far too much about what people think of me, so the fear of failing in front of people has been present many times over! However with that said, it has been an incredible experience performing my brother's songs with him and being able to share his talents with others together. I am very proud of him and honestly am impressed each night by his quick wit and his writing abilities! You go brother!!! Can't wait to see where 2013 takes us!
WHAT I HAVE LEARNED THIS YEAR:
1) I have learned that it is OK to be where I am in my life. I had a moment this summer that had me finally feeling that much desired contentment with life. The only one who is judging my life is me! The pressure I was putting on myself to be someone and something in this lifetime disappeared and I felt FREEEEE as a bird! A weight was lifted off my shoulders and I had a spring in my step that week. The unknown is a scary thing but life is far too precious to waste worrying about things that you can't force to happen. Life really is a journey that has to be appreciated and cherished along the way and looking into the future so much has taken my focus off of that appreciation. I have said it many times before - being present in the moment is where it's at!!! It is one of my goals for 2013 and onward! I need to take my own advice.
2) I have learned that my self-worth needs to be worked on. I settle for crumbs and give less deserving people the benefit of the doubt for far too long. I need to become an advocate for myself more often and not settle for shit or accept minimum effort.
3) I have learned that I really want to travel!!! For the love of God!
4) I have learned I need to have more patience (still)! I have been reminded many times this year that the baby steps are necessary in life to build a solid foundation. I tend to see the end first and get discouraged and move onto something new if it does not happen the way I want right away. Anything in life worth pursuing needs effort, nurturing and patience put forth in order to have it grow into something spectacular in the end!!
5) I have learned I'm still a commitment phobe *sigh* BUT 2013 will be different gosh darnit.
6) I am still learning the art of sitting down for five minutes. Perhaps super glue will help with that.
7) I have learned that I have amazing friends and family. They have helped me through some dark times during my lifetime and I cannot thank them enough :) It is funny how people come out of the woodwork to give you information you really need to hear when needed. I need to feel more gratitude when times of loneliness hits. I'm not alone.
8) I have learned that I have 10,000 KMS left on my car to last me until December 2013. Ummmmmm....anyone want to come to my house...every weekend? Anyone?
9) I have learned that comparing myself to others gets me nowhere. Their journey is their own. Mine is mine. It is has been a hard train of thought to get out of my head. I need to drill this into my thoughts every day.
10) I have found that doing laundry is very relaxing. Dusting and vacuuming not so much.
11) I have learned that there really IS a use for Twitter - when you figure out what that use is.
12) I have learned that I've become a raging bitch lately. I need to control my emotions and temper!
13) I have learned that the F word is being overused in my everyday vocabulary. However... it is a great word.
14) I have learned that I'm afraid of childbirth. It's going to hurt. Really bad. I'll be the crazy aunt for a bit longer.
15) I need snow tires before I die.
16) I have learned that I do have the capacity to connect with someone or something - in any sort of way - romantic or otherwise.
17) I have an anxiety problem! Something I'm going to work on this year :)
All in all it was a year of changes and struggles with some fun along the way :) I moved into a new apartment, went on a bike excursion to Toronto from Oakville, went on a wonderful trip to Calgary this year for my friends wedding, was treated like a queen at The Moonshine Cafe for my birthday, enrolled myself into a singing course with the infamous Elaine Overholt (and took a few lessons with the very talented Brooke Harris), played many amazing shows with Whiskey Epiphany, had an incredible long weekend with my great friend Lianne in Muskoka, went to some sweet concerts, started taking Ukulele lessons, went to court for the first time (unpleasant experience), and experienced great times with awesome friends and family. I also witnessed a million and one of my friends getting engaged. It gives me hope that love is real!
This year I want to focus on becoming more disciplined and focused in my life and to really take into action all the tools I've learned throughout the years to be able to do that! I am constantly on the run and need to spend more time relaxing. I'd like to contain my emotions better and open my heart up wider. I need to take better care of my health and be less impulsive!!! I also need to just be me and give myself a break when I do stupid shit in life :)
I hope everyone has an amazing New Year's Eve and that all of your dreams come true in the upcoming year! I look forward to seeing what enfolds!!
Much love to everyone,
Lovely Lianne XOXO