Have You Ever - NEW YEAR'S EDITION 2014!!!

Accompanied by "Thanksgiving Eve" by Sally Rogers (original done by Bob Franke). I love the lyrics!

It's so easy to dream of the days gone by
It's a hard thing to think of the times to come
But the grace to accept ev'ry moment as a gift

What can you do with your days but work & hope
Let your dreams bind your work to your play
What can you do with each moment of your life
But love til you've loved it away
Love til you've loved it away

There are sorrows enough for the whole world's end
There are no guarantees but the grave
And the life that I live & the time I have spent
Are a treasure too precious to save

As it was so it is, as it is shall it be
And it shall be while lips that kiss have breath
Many waters indeed only nurture Love's seed
And its flower overshadows the power of death

Hello Everyone!

It's December 31st 2014 - NEW YEAR'S EVE DAY!! and I feel like it's only the first day of 2014!!! How did this happen?? This year has just flown by, and time seems to be zipping by faster and faster. All the more reason to take life by the reigns and live life the way you've always wanted!!

This year has certainly been an eventful one. It has been full of triumphs, challenges, heart break, sadness, tragedies, happiness, reflection! I feel like our world is becoming more and more aware of things and that our lives are shifting rapidly every day.

SOME DEFINING MOMENTS IN MY LIFE THIS YEAR:

1) I experienced a broken heart! And coupled with the ridiculous length of this past winter, it wasn't a fun experience! However, with that said it proved that I was able to connect and open up my heart to someone which is something I hadn't felt in a long while.

2) I went to Winnipeg for the first time and attended a Winnipeg Jets/Toronto Maple Leafs game! What an amazing atmosphere the MTS Centre has! I was also surprised to see so many Leaf fans there. I didn't experience the disgustingly cold weather but I was prepared with my new winter jacket that I sweat in profusely.

2) Played some amazing shows with Whiskey Epiphany! We certainly have been gaining momentum this year and I am looking forward to seeing what happens in 2015. I am truly grateful for all the support we have received over the last few years. Our friends, family and new fans of our music have given us the drive to continue to entertain and make music! Some highlights of this year were playing the Festival of the Sound on Canada Day (their boat cruise), Burlington Sound of Music Street Festival, our Mariposa audition in April where we met a lot of amazing musicians, the Caledonia Fair, opening up for Lauren Mann and The Fairly Odd Folk at 3030 Dundas West in Toronto, our many Moonshine Cafe shows (the July 11th show in particular!), the Project Autism event, and getting a standing ovation at the Winterfolk Festival in February! What a rush this all was! I am proud that I've continued to push myself to overcome the anxiety of performing. Very lucky to be sharing the stage with such awesome band mates!

3) I took the plunge this past summer to pursue my passion, and quit my part-time serving job after four years of toughing it out. I started a part-time dog sitting business called The Doodle Dog Sitter as I love dogs, love being active, and being my own boss! It has seriously been such a joy for me. I didn't think I'd get so attached to all the little pups. They are so full of love! Thank you to all my friends and family who have referred me to their own contacts! I have immense gratitude :) It definitely took a long while to get used to having so much free time on my hands and I couldn't imagine another way to fill it :)

4) My sister got engaged to her long time boyfriend!
5) My nephew Kyle's chemo treatments ended this past March! He is looking more like his old self now which is nice to see. Love the little guy!

6) I received my 10 year award at my full-time job this past December at our Christmas party in Victoria, BC. Crazy how 10 years have passed already! Definitely pretty lucky to be part of this company!

7) Took singing lessons with the great Judith Lander. An amazing person, performer and vocal coach.

8) I went on my first cruise to Cozumel, Mexico! Was fortunate to be selected by my employer to join her on a 4 night cruise aboard the beautiful Royal Caribbean Liberty of the Seas ship! What an experience that was. We had a day excursion to Tulum, Mexico and I was able to swim in the Caribbean Sea! I also tried my hand at negotiating prices with the locals for some of their beautiful dresses and failed miserably. Apparently I'm pretty transparent.

9) I went to British Columbia in December and was able to take a day trip to Squamish where I soaked up the most amazing scenery!!! I rode on the Sea to Sky Gondola, walked along two gorgeous trails, braved the 100 foot suspension bridge, saw some beautiful bald eagles in Brackendale along the dyke, and made friends with some local artists within their gallery! We talked for an hour and they even checked out our music!! It was a great trip, which also included catching up with some long time friends who I haven't seen in a while, and traveling to Victoria once again for the Christmas party :)

REALIZATIONS FROM 2014:

1) I've really become more aware of how precious life really is and of my mortality. We aren't getting any younger and life is to be lived, not wasted. I've realized that it's not worth caring so much about what others think of you, and not worth being so unkind to your own self! It's a waste of energy and time. LIVE YOUR LIFE and surround yourself with people that build you up not bring you down!!

2) I need to learn to say NO and not feel guilty or feel selfish saying it!

3) LOVE REIGNS ALL!!
4) I have mild sleep apnea. FML!! Oxygen anyone?

5) My ADHD really does affect me daily and I need to get control over that! It's not just about being hyper. Wait...a...minute...dust...is...flying...AROUND...SQUIRREL!!!

6) I don't know what to do with all my free time!! 2015 is all about using my time WISELY! Not about rotting in front of the TV that has received more glorious channels this year! AHH! Love It or List It was my new friend for the last four months.

8) I'm not comfortable with being vulnerable.
9) I love the smell of our mail room at work. It smells like an underground garage!!! *sigh*
10) I love receiving snail mail.

11) Relationships scare me. I'm not sure when this happened but I'm more scared being with someone and them getting bored of me, than being alone - hence why I'll probably be an old spinster dog lady for the rest of my life.

12) I need to get new batteries for my battery operated friends - still. I think this is on my list most years.

13) I may have a bit of social anxiety! I shall defeat it.
14) I HAVE AMAZING FAMILY AND FRIENDS! Thank you for all the support you've given me over the years :) Need to remember to show gratitude more often xoxo

INTENTIONS:

1) TO LIVE WITH LOVE IN MY HEART AND INFUSE IT INTO EVERY ACTION AND DECISION I MAKE!

2) Develop my self-worth and get a hold of my anxiety :)

3) To open myself and my heart up to people despite any potential negative outcome. It's worth the risk and I really do want companionship.

4) To live a more peaceful inner existence. I have to stop getting so riled up over meaningless things and make meditation a more frequent practice in my life! Stress is a killer and not worth keeping in our bodies.

5) To do more for MYSELF and be OK with that.
6) To go on an AWESOME ROAD TRIP!! Jenny Haldane - Lisa MacIntosh - IT'S ON!
7) To date more and try to enjoy that concept haha.

8) To take care of myself better and a develop a more disciplined life. Sleep more. Eat less sugar. Eat more greens! Eliminate dairy, wheat and alcohol! DANCE LIKE NO ONE'S WATCHING! I don't want to face the repercussions of my choices later on in life, especially since I want to live until 120 years old. Booyah!

9) Developing healthy boundaries! Boundaries for me have always been a work in progress and I need to form some healthy ones in 2015 in all aspects of my life.

10) Continue to develop my dog sitting business and the band!
11) To be of service.
12) To use and value my gifts more - writing, painting, etc.
13) To learn to play an instrument!! I have a ukulele, piano, tambourine, and shaker at home that are just itching to be used PROPERLY!

14) To be grateful for where I am at this very moment - LIVE IN THE PRESENT and prepare for the future!

15) Buy a new bedroom set! Or a least a dresser that doesn't fall apart when you open one of the drawers!
16) Surround myself with positivity.
17) Say yes more and no less when it comes to getting out there in the world and experiencing new things. No fear!

18) Need to be more gentle with myself and others. No one is perfect.
19) TO DEVELOP A BUCKET LIST!
20) Develop PATIENCE AND GRATITUDE!!! Patience is a virtue indeed. Have to not bail when things don't happen right away.

I'm going to stop there! I wish everyone a year filled with happiness, love, new adventures, overcoming obstacles and being happy with themselves. I think 2015 will be AWESOME!

An uplifting link to check out - HOW TO LIVE AND LOVE YOUR LIFE!

How to Fall Back in Love With Your Life: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-fall-back-in-love-with-your-life/

HAPPPPY NEW YEAR!

Love,
Lovely Lianne xoxo

Have You Checked Yourself Lately? RIP Nathan Cirillo.

Accompanied by Strength, Courage and Wisdom by India Arie.

Hello All!

With all that has been happening in Ottawa as of late (and really all that has been happening around this world) - the country mourning the death of one of our young soldiers who's life was taken by a senseless act of violence - it has made me really reflect inward and think about our mortality. Our lives can be taken at any second as we saw with Cpl. Nathan Cirillo. He was an unarmed guard, just doing his job, not knowing what his fate would be that afternoon. There is no knowing what will happen when you wake up in the morning, so we need to be grateful for all that we have each day.

To check myself during these uncertain times, I often ask - Am I being as kind as I can be to others? Am I being kind enough to myself? Am I challenging my fears and living the life I've always dreamed of living? Am I wasting time and energy on things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things? Am I taking care of myself properly? Did I say I love you to the people that matter the most in my world? Am I taking for granted all the awesome people in my life? Did I say sorry to the people I've hurt or allowed myself to forgive the people who hurt me? Am I participating in things that make me happy? Am I HAPPY?? Am I doing enough to help others? I can certainly answer no to a bunch of these questions and am doing my best to be less anxious, lend a helping hand to others, live a more present and happy life. We are all connected in this world and the energy we give out directly affects everyone around us, so let us try and turn our energy around so we can all help each other thrive.

We have been given this body and spirit to learn, grow, and live the best life possible. I want to make sure I soak in all the wonderful moments that life brings me. I want to make sure I explore this glorious world as much and as often as I can, enjoying the simplest of things to enjoying world travels! I want to love wholeheartedly and feel contentment and happiness. I want to make people feel happy as well! I have been awarded a life in a country that isn't directly terrorized daily by war and mass destruction. I am a proud Canadian. I have been awarded a life with the ability to choose anything I want to do instead of the other way around, which is scary and liberating at the same time. So many choices are out there and I'm lucky to be able to make those choices. Yes there is still crime, yes there are still terrorist threats and bombs in our countries history, yes we still have to make smart choices and protect ourselves, but we also have so much freedom. It is hard to process and relate to the state of peoples lives in war torn countries and third world developments. Having to constantly live in fear of attacks and abductions, death, malnourishment, and poverty. It's upsetting that we are a world that has this even existing and I need to be more aware of all that goes on outside of my little bubble. Acts of terror and destruction are a choice of our society and it is scary and sad that we have become immune to this type of behaviour in some regard. We as a world can make different choices but we choose to go to war and to kill our own species. And for what? For reasons that can be talked about over killed about. I am not one to watch the news as there is too much negativity being splashed across its broadcasts and I hope one day this can turn around. I hope one day the WHOLE world can feel peace. We need to come together everyday as we do when situations like the Ottawa attack comes around. I suppose we need polarity in this world to really appreciate the positives that happen in our lives. 

Sending my love and hugs out to this world. RIP Nathan Cirillo. Thank you for serving our country with a big smile and tons of pride. Enjoy your weekend everyone! 

Love,
Lovely Lianne xoxoxox

Have You Ever Tried Living in The Present??

Accompanied by "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw.

Heeeeey!!!

Happy long weekend everyone!!!! I had the most glorious day so far and feel totally inspired to write so that's what I'm doing!

What a great morning I've had today! Coffee and breakfast in hand, I took a wonderful walk to the lake to read the rest of my book and soak in this beautiful weather. This past week I've been feeling quite anxious and kind of sad so the sun did me some good. I chatted with a few girlfriends of mine who made me swell with pride seeing how they've turned their lives around for the better and who are now living their passions. It has been really inspiring to see and I feel so much happiness for them.
   
After parking myself on a bench by the water and settling in, I went on to finish this book I've been reading called When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron (based on Buddhist teachings). I felt like I was parting with a great friend when the last page was read.  If you are looking for a book that provides a down to earth, no bullshit perspective about meditation and how to live a fulfilling, glorious life, then this book is for you! For me, it brought about so many perspectives about life that made so much sense and really resonated within my body. It calls you out on so many things you do in your daily existence that you may not want to admit to yourself or are maybe not even aware of, but are nor right or wrong things to do. It's a book about how to live in the present and how to break from our old habitual patterns and embrace all parts of ourselves. It made me start to appreciate and absorb the present moment because that's all we have right now! I've known this way of life in theory and you always hear the statement LIVE IN THE PRESENT, in which I would answer "Yes of course!" but that statement never truly clicked until now. The future is not here yet people! What we do in each present moment creates what will happen in our future. We have a choice in each moment whether it's joyful or not, to turn our life around in the way we want. There is no guarantee that we will wake up tomorrow, so embracing our lives moment by moment and feeling gratitude for all that comes to us in those moments, both good and challenging, is how we can live a truly happy and fulfilled life.  I've honestly started to understand how precious life really is and how much time I seem to waste because "there's always tomorrow to do it". We don't have a long time on earth and our days here are to be lived to the fullest - which can mean doing the most simplest things. How many of us are aware of the sound of the wind blowing through our hair and around our ears? How many of us are aware of the birds chirping in the trees? The feeling of the sun or rain on our skin? How many of us really truly absorb the cars driving past us? The people passing us on the sidewalks? The beauty of nature and of life in general? The feeling of our feet walking along the grass or sidewalks? The smell of the cedar path? The smell of the garbage in Toronto or someone's natural scent?  Do you truly listen to someone when they are talking or are you in your own head waiting to talk about yourself or thinking about your grocery list or how great the sex was last night? We are all guilty of being up in the clouds or rushing around not paying attention to the life that is around us.  Not paying attention to the people around us. Not paying attention to life at all. How many of us are so debilitated by our own fears and thoughts that we don't take risks or live the lives we want? We live this safe existence to avoid being hurt, or embarrassed or seen as a failure. How many of us run away from love to avoid risking a broken heart or awkward silence or rejection or even falling in love?? We miss out on so much when we let ourselves get in the way. We are creating these outcomes! It's quite ridiculous when you really think about it.

Thinking that we can put things off, or that there are better things out there instead of what is right in front of us right now won't get us anywhere enjoyable. Every moment that we encounter are wondrous moments that need to be cherished and soaked in because those senses and the chance to live those experiences can be gone in seconds. It's a gift that we wake up every day breathing, feeling tired, feeling cranky, feeling amazing! There is so much of life that we take for granted. We bombard ourselves with all these distractions to escape our lives which is kind of crazy when you think about it! Why do we want to run away instead of deal with ourselves? Why do we create so much anxiety within ourselves?? Social media, our phones, music, drugs, alcohol, food, people, events - all these distractions can keep us out of the present and keep us from really feeling what is going on inside us and around us. Using these outlets to escape from being uncomfortable inside or feeling that anxiety and fear only put a temporary band-aid on the issues at hand. With these outlets we don't have to really feel what we are feeling right then and there. We are providing ourselves with a temporary fix, but we can't escape ourselves for very long. Embracing our fears, embracing our anxiety, embracing our joys, embracing our sadness, embracing our triumphs, embracing the unknown, embracing our discomfort with anything we feel uncomfortable with - silence, the idea of commitment, rejection, death, connection, traffic, life in general - is how we will truly live and get past these feelings.  Instead of trying to run away from them or fix them we need to have courage and face these feelings, staying in that present moment until the emotions/feelings pass. We can then truly observe our patterns and ourselves in an honest way, with compassion, kindness and no shame or guilt. We can accept that we are not these perfect beings, and that these imperfections are actually life's lessons that help us develop and move forward in life in a different way. Life's shitty situations can teach us a lesson in patience, or surrendering. Sometimes we just don't know what to do when presented with a situation beyond our control. Trust and faith within that insecure, shaky space is necessary. Living in the present and meditating can allow us to detach from the chaos our minds create. It is crazy how much effort is required to slow ourselves down and train ourselves to live this way. I am guilty of living in a twister like state - not truly absorbing what's around me all the time, escaping from my life to avoid the pain - but I am learning to change this around because I love life and I want to make sure I live life to the fullest! Not reacting to life is hard for me! Slowing myself down enough to just feel what I'm feeling, letting it resonate and then respond is a difficult task! BUT it allows for a more stable way of being. So in short....next time you feel uncomfortable, fearful, sad, angry, hurt, happy, content - sit in that moment and stick it out. You may be pleasantly surprised at what happens next :)

I hope everyone enjoys this glorious long weekend. I can't believe it is already July!!!! Where is the time going?!? Looking forward to five whole days off in a row.

Love you long time.

Lovely Lianne XOXOXO

Have You Ever Lived An Undisciplined Life?

Accompanied by "Better Get To Livin'" by Dolly Parton.

Hey Y'all!

Hope all is well with everyone!! It's been a while since my last blog and it's time to let things out!!! So here it goes!

Throughout the last few months, life has certainly been twisting and turning like crazy in both good and challenging ways. My relationship ended (amicably), I started singing lessons to improve my breathing and vocal range (which has also been serving as an amazing therapy session each week!), have been reading some amazing books that have brought about new ways of thinking and being to the table, met some people that have inspired me to change my life for the better, and have been facing my own truth and trying to be honest with myself. I have been inspired to really start making changes in order for me to really truly enjoy my life and with a purpose. No more running away from myself. It is actually crazy to think of how much we DO run away from ourselves! Running away from pain, fear, anxiety, success, joy - LIFE! We overindulge, work too much, play too much, do anything at all to keep ourselves from sitting and looking at ourselves in a truly honest way - without the facade or act. It can be hard to accept who we are - that we may not be these perfect, nice human beings all the time. That doesn't mean we are bad. It just is what it is at that moment, and honestly once you give up trying to be something you're not, a weight just lifts off your shoulders and you start to surrender.

All information I have known in theory regarding how to live life has started to really click and resonate within my body. The idea and benefits of meditation, the feeling of true self-love, self-acceptance and self-worth, the appreciation and self-care for my body, living a purposeful life - I am truly understanding the importance of all of it and truly understanding what it actually FEELS like for once. I've realized even more now how little I've regarded myself for so long, and how much more I want to work towards living a full, happy life. I don't ever want to just exist in life as it is too precious to just waste away. Life is to be soaked in and experienced. However with that said, in order to really put all those theories continuously into practice and live a CONSCIOUS, happy life, DISCIPLINE is necessary and that is where things become challenging for me as I'm a bit of a free spirit. Being a free spirit, living spontaneously from one moment to the next, has been both a blessing and a curse. One would assume that living freely and spontaneously would feel...well...FREE! Yes, I can certainly feel free at times, but on the flip side there is also a lack of direction and purpose that comes along with that feeling. It's like I'm this bird erratically flying above my life below. It's the one area of my life that has reared it's ugly head continuously waiting for me to get with the program. The more I avoid being disciplined and thinking that change will just occur out of thin air, the longer the issues in my life continue - and I'm not getting any younger! It's not that I can't be disciplined or focused when need be, because when I put my mind to something I can manifest it pretty quickly, however when it comes to certain areas of my own personal growth (like just being), I can't seem to stay on task. When I hear the word discipline, I want to run the other way. Like even when I'm writing the word discipline I can feel the anxiety and resistance creeping up like an unwanted friend saying - "No Lianne...stay here with me and have some fun. Do all that shit later." "UH - OK!" I say. Ugh. It's a constant conflict of interest in my brain. I observe people mastering skills, following through with exercise, eating healthy, meditating and I think god damnit I need to get back on track. How do they do that so well?? Four years ago I maintained a major lifestyle change for four whole months - changing my diet completely, taking vitamins, remedies, eliminating alcohol and caffeine, drinking more water, knitting a scarf (thanks Grandma), and it felt glorious! I was finally taking care of myself, and putting me first. I was living a more balanced, structured, accomplished life, and then it all went to shit again. This experience though has proven that I CAN actually do it, and I just need to start one thing at a time and be more gentle with myself in the process. Scheduling and structuring my day, taking time to meditate (even if it's for two minutes), taking time to rehearse (singing and ukulele), taking time to be out in nature, eliminating all the things I can't eat due to allergies, and exercising more, will be my starting point to change. Doing something everyday consistently will help me feel more accomplished and purposeful.

I have been meeting many people as of late who have really pushed me unknowingly to take a good look at myself again and eliminate the excuses as to why I can't live the life I want. I am the one holding me back. I am the one making the decisions. It takes a large amount of effort to change your life around and I've been working towards doing this. I've been slowly accepting parts of myself over the last few months such as maybe not wanting kids, or maybe never getting married, which has been a hard one to accept as both are such normal societal milestones, especially for a woman. I equated not wanting both of these things with being selfish or not being responsible, but this is just not true. If they both happen down the road then so be it, but I realized it is alright that these are not my priorities. It has certainly taken the pressure and time urgency off my shoulders!!! Perhaps this lack of urgency will help the discipline part as I will feel I can take my time to get to develop my skills. There are so many things I want to experience, and with a more balanced state of mind and being I'll be able to get there a bit easier and more consciously (and appreciate things more). I will have more confidence, a more stable energy, a sense of accomplishment, which will in turn attract what I want in life.

I feel an immense amount gratitude and love to those people and experiences that have helped me along my journey. For those people who have come into my life challenging my thoughts and ways of being, lifting my spirits, giving me hugs, cuddles and kisses, being a shoulder to cry on, being a person to vent to - THANK YOU! Tears of joy sprung in my eyes today thinking of these people and life experiences. Instead of playing victim to everything that has happened to me along the way I really am looking at these things as a blessing and taking responsibility - my lack of discipline included. We grow as people when faced with adversity. Shaking up our perceived reality, looking at new perspectives, accepting others for who they are, listening and connecting with others, loving unconditionally, letting go of the past, living in the moment, will all allow us to soar to new heights and awareness. This does not mean we won't be faced with more challenges along the way, but we will feel more equipped when having to deal with them.

To further add to this though - I have to remember the things I've accomplished in life thus far as well (thanks Heather Watts for this reminder!) as I tend to minimize them. Maybe I haven't become president of a huge company, or found the cure for cancer but they are experiences I'm proud of that I have put my heart and soul into and I need to realize that also matters!! It's the little things in life that can bring us peace and joy.

Thank you to all who have listened. Love you guys!!! Have a great weekend!!!

Love,
Lovely Lianne xoxo