Have You Ever Had An Unbelievably Pathetic Dating Life?

Accompanied by a "Fake Call - How To Get Out of a Bad Date".

If you said no to this question then GOOD FOR YOU! Pssssshh. I cannot say I’ve had the same luck. My dating life is probably as active as an eleven year olds and is mostly self-induced. It’s not that I haven’t had the chance to go on dates, it’s just that I’m kind of an awkward dater so I choose not to go on them to avoid any uncomfortable situations (mainly with people that I really know I'm not entirely interested in). I know what you’re all thinking - ”how can this super hot, smart, curvaceous lady be afraid of dating??” Am I right? (Just kidding). Well to answer that question, dating to me feels so forced and full of pressure, which is a disastrous combination for me.  It almost feels like going into an interview, as there are so many expectations involved. FOR instance:

Scenario One: Most of us go on dates in hopes to connect with someone romantically and perhaps start a relationship right? Well that’s not a big expectation is it now?? What if I’m not attracted to them but they are attracted to me or vice versa? At that point someone has to make a decision to not see one another again because they aren’t feeling it and that just sucks! I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and obviously I don’t want to be hurt either. PRESSURE!! Starting off as friends without an agenda is a better scenario for me. That way no one is expecting an outcome and you can just be yourself.

Scenario Two:  The potential expectation to give a good night kiss - What if the person goes in for a kiss and you just don’t want to do it because a) it’s not what you do on a first date; b) you have garlic breath (embarrassing) or c) you would rather be kissing your hand? The head turn and back pat would make them feel like a douchebag, which sucks as well! AWKWARD PRESSURE!!

Scenario Three:  The expectation to carry on a COHERENT, interesting conversation – What if I can’t think of anything to say or the person is a total mute?? An absolute nightmare of a situation I'd say. This is actually my worst fear on a date, and because I’m afraid of silence, I end up asking a hundred questions, which has THEM feeling like they are in an interview (which someone has told me before recently. Oops). I’m pretty sure I don't leave any space after any answers to allow the person to ask me anything back. It’s something I need to work on for sure. Perhaps some sort of horse tranquilizer may help me with that problem. 

Obviously if I want to enter into a relationship of any kind, I need to get over this “what if” way of thinking and just take a risk for goodness sake. Friends and family are always saying, “enjoy this time of your life to get out there and date! You’re young and single and this time will pass soon!” Well awesome. I’m happy for that reminder. I know I’m getting old. And I know I’m being a big chicken. I certainly have TRIED to pretend that the act of dating is fun, and heeding my friends and family's advice, I even started to say yes to people asking me out more than saying NO! AND to top it off, I entered the world of online dating to see if I could rally up a few guys to take me out for a weekend jaunt. What a world online dating is. It's like shopping for men, and to be honest, it's a bit overwhelming. Most of the time I end up feeling bad for ignoring the messages of the guys I don't find attractive and don't bother even logging in to the site after a while. And according to one guy named Jeff who deemed himself "smart, sexy, athletic and fun", about 95% of guys are online to have sex with you. Sweet. Just what I wanted (ok sometimes maybe but not with all of them!). With that said, I did end up talking to a few people online to set up a few dates, and some of these wonderful dates went something like this:

1) The guy told me to sit in his car to listen to music in silence because I wasn’t relaxed enough. I felt like I was in a therapy session.

and

2) The guy pulled out his hash stash and asked me if it was ok that he did that, WHILE proceeding to put his old run down running shoes on with a gigantic shoehorn (it honestly was bigger than my forearm). 

THEN there was the guy who thought religion was the be all end all of the world’s evolution and he got into a fight with me. I quit the site after that. 

WINNERS.
 

Aside from the awkward dating, relationships really haven’t been in the forefront of my mind for the last few years. I'm not one to settle into a relationship for the sake of having one, and after my last relationship I really wanted to focus more on getting to know who I was before entering into anything serious again. It is imperative that this happen as how is one able to know what they want in a relationship or in life for that matter, if you don’t know yourself at all? Feeling secure within yourself and honouring who you are will make for a better relationship with yourself and your partner, as you end up realizing what you are willing to tolerate and what you are willing to compromise. I've seen first hand what bad marriages and relationships are like and I really do not want to end up like that. Statistics of divorce and cheating keep growing each year, and a lot has to do with settling just to get married, and getting married too young. People grow apart because they change drastically throughout their younger years, and some marriages can't handle the changes. 

    As well with the abundance of options of how to meet people these days, I think temptation is getting the best of some. Sites like Ashley Madison, Facebook, online video games, Myspace, Twitter, Plenty of Fish, Lavalife, EHarmony, Match.com, RichMen.com, and Cougarlife.com, are just a few of the options out there to strike up a relationship discreetly. Text messages, emails, snail mail, Skype, MSN, and so on are some others, which allows for accessibility beyond belief.

Anyways...with all this said I'm hoping that one day the right guy will just pop into my life, but for now I will just continue on seeing where life takes me. I will continue to dip my toes into the dating world until my whole foot gets in the water one day. 

Have a good night everyone!

DAY 5 - I Am Grateful For...MY DOG MADDIE!

Accompanied by "I Love My Dog" by Cat Stevens.

Madison - aka "Maddie" is my ten year old Shitzu (slash not so much a shitzu), that I've had for four years now (stolen from my parents after I moved out of their house because she loved me the most). She is a rather psychotic dog who defines the word "bitch", but has the face of an angel. Most people don't believe me when I say she's evil because she is so cute, and proceed to try and pet her after I warn them that she's not very nice. Startled after the dog attacks their fingers, they look at me wide eyed and red-faced saying "yeah she isn't really nice eh?". DUH. I know! She has made children cry, and sounds like a rabid animal when I give her a bath, and has even bit me of all people! At this point you are probably asking, "why do you have her??" Well folks...even though she is the spawn of Satan's dog, her personality, and the way she snores under my bed wins me over. I can't help but love her. We are two peas in a pod and she's been my buddy ever since I've lived on my own. She's kept me company when I've felt lonely, and made me laugh numerous times as she's humping her alligator in the middle of a dinner party (I can say that she's not ashamed of her sexuality that's for sure). Even though she's a pain in the ass, and a big responsibility (and jealous of any guy I bring home), I couldn't imagine not having her around. She's been sick a lot this year which has made me more appreciative of having her around. So THANKS MADDIE for being the crazy dog that you are!

Cute Maddie.

Cute Maddie after having a bath

Cute Maddie going for a car ride

THIS IS MORE LIKE IT!!!!! THE DEVIL DOG!!!

DAY 4 – I Am Grateful For….CO-WORKERS!

http://vimeo.com/5944863


(This scene is kind of perfect for what our office goes through with our printer! It is from the movie Office Space which is one of my favourite movies :)

I have to say that I have some pretty great co-workers at the office I work at. There are four girls and eight guys that work at the Oakville location so us chicks are a tad bit outnumbered (but I don't mind it this way). I was feeling rather irritated today and kind of snapped at one of the girls who sits on the other side of the wall from me. It was a rather frustrating morning to say the least and I ended up apologizing to her as I did feel bad. I felt truly grateful that I had her understanding and feel rather lucky that I work with the people I do. We have all definitely had some interesting arguments with each other (or more like blow outs), but it’s kind of cool that we can argue and then be completely normal after a big venting session, some tears, and a major cool down! It’s almost like a family in a way.  We are able to sit in each others offices and just talk about our lives (and I mean talk about almost anything), which can get pretty entertaining and a little distracting at times (and if anyone in the head office is reading this we also do some work....*cough*). Having this type of dynamic helps you get through an eight hour work day for sure SO THANK YOU Mia for your understanding today and thank you everyone else for being awesome :) I know you ALL enjoy my singing and my bursts of frustration at my emails...one day those people will hear me on the other end damnit!!

(I also have to say that I work with amazing people at my other two jobs as well. I've been pretty fortunate to make some really great friends from the many different jobs I've worked at throughout my brilliant years of employment so thanks all!).

DAY 3 - I Am Grateful For....CHOCOLATE!!!

Choco Choco Latte

The Chocolate Song

Accompanied by "Choco Choco Latte" and "The Chocolate Song".

I have to say that this week I have never been so grateful for chocolate IN MY LIFE! Maybe it was the weather changes, or maybe it was...ahem...PMS...............ok maybe it was more about PMS...but nevertheless I was SUPER grateful. I had the most delicious sundae at my friends house the other night, smothered with strawberries, chocolate syrup, two bite brownies, M & M's and butterscotch chips. This perhaps was eaten after I already bought a jumbo pack of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and a small bag of mini eggs at the gas station on the way up to her house (which I may or may not have eaten most of before I arrived). What some woman go through to keep their sanity eh? Effing hormones. So THANK YOU CADBURY! SMUCKERS! BREYER'S! TWO BITE BROWNIE PEOPLE!!! HERSHEY! and M & M's! And thank you freaking mother nature for giving me an excuse to stuff my face even more than I already do. Have a good night everyone :)

DAY 2 - I Am Grateful for....MY NEPHEWS!!!

Accompanied by "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts (as these ARE my wishes for my nephews and family really!)

I just got back from visiting my nephews and my sister (and her boyfriend) and I can honestly say that I'm grateful for having them in my life. When my first nephew Kyle was born almost four years ago (on our birthday!!!! My sister and I are twins) I didn't think I could be connected to a baby that much! I actually was unsure if I would be connected to this kid at all while my sister was going through her pregnancy. Thankfully it was an instant connection and I thank him for opening up my heart again (and the hearts of the rest of my family). I seriously can't get enough of him. He is quite the character and is now talking up a storm, coming out with what I think are some pretty impressive things! Today I was taking pictures of him on the swing and he yelled "Auntie Ivan! I told you to stop taking pictures because you are going to startle us!" Ummm...ok. Where did you learn the word startle??! I hardly even use that word! I can't wait to see what kind of young man he will become. And now with Colin recently arriving into this world there will be double the excitement! He is still at the sleeping, eating, pooping stage so it's not as exciting yet but it will be. Right now it's funny seeing him so intrigued with my sister's couch. That's pretty much what he smiles at these days. I guess I should really be grateful that my sister had sex period! SO thank you!!!! haha...I love being Auntie Ivan!!!!! Keep up the great job raising these kids. I will always be there for all of you XOXOXO and am truly impressed by how good a Mom and Dad you have both been :)

DAY 1 - I Am Grateful For....THUNDERSTORMS!

As I woke up this fine Saturday morning I could hear the rolling thunder in the distance (and hear my dog scurrying under my bed for protection!). I felt the breeze flowing through my window and the rain start slowly falling onto the pavement. How content I felt with my life just then.  I laid in bed, snuggling under my comfy duvet, listening to the rain fall a little harder, and saw the lightning flash. I felt truly grateful and relaxed. I know some people aren't particularly fond of thunderstorms (my grandmother for one), but I've always loved them. I love the feeling of being all cozy in my home, watching nature take its course, and putting on a show for us in some instances. I live on the 16th floor of my building, with just trees in front of me, so I've seen some pretty crazy lightning storms and it's truly amazing that we can witness such a thing!

Have You Ever Felt True Gratitude?

Accompanied by the song "Gratitude" by the Beastie Boys.

I was driving home from Bolton last night after visiting my very good friend Lindsay and her new baby, and I was thinking about my blog. I have been struggling about what topic to write about this week, and what my heart wants to say, and then it came to me - GRATITUDE!  I’ve written about this before, but I really wanted to do something different this time with this topic...so I’m deciding to write about what I’m grateful for EVERY DAY!  I’m trying to challenge myself to be more disciplined with my writing and to really grasp the concept of gratitude. I think most people (which definitely includes myself) take for granted the things we receive in life. The fact that we wake up breathing and alive is something to be grateful for. The fact that we are able to walk, talk, hear or see is something to be grateful for as there are many people who don’t have that luxury in this world. We walk around life unaware of the gifts that are around us because it’s just daily life to us. Remember how amazing you feel once you come back from a really great trip, where your perspective shifts and you feel so grateful for the experience? Well the gratitude and awe that we feel traveling to different countries or cultures can be infused into everyday life, as every single day gives us something new and exciting to discover. We just have to stop long enough to take a proper look. However, instead of being grateful, we abuse our bodies, abuse the earth, work too much, play too hard, and take advantage of the life we are given without much respect. How many people don’t spend enough time with family or friends because there is “always tomorrow”? How many people watch too much T.V. or spend too much time on the computer instead of spending time outside enjoying nature or the weather because there is “always tomorrow?”  It’s easy to get caught up in this way of living because no one expects to kick the bucket the next day, and I’m not saying to live in fear of dying either, but maybe knowing that it's a luxury to live another day will give us a bit of motivation to love every day we are alive. There is the saying “live like it’s your last day on earth”, which can translate into "live with gratitude that you have seen another beautiful day and take advantage of it!" I’ve talked about myself wasting time on things I don’t need to be wasting my energy on (fear for one thing), and that’s why I wanted to start this new project.  I’ve had a lot of conversations with family members and friends about this subject, as I have fallen into many of the patterns mentioned above. I, for a long time, wasn’t feeling any joy in life and definitely wasn’t feeling much gratitude for it. Instead all I felt was anger, and was talking more about what I wasn’t getting in life, rather than what I do have. I pretty much was saying to myself everyday that the life I made for myself was shit, and that the universe, God, or whatever you want to call it, is shit too (because you know...he was the one that dropped me on this Earth). The apartment I had wasn’t good enough, the job I had wasn’t good enough, my car wasn’t good enough, my bank account CERTAINLY wasn’t good enough,  my clothes weren’t good enough, the weather wasn’t good enough, and eff those laundry machines in the basement!!! They were shit as well!!!! I just kept manifesting constant shit due to all this lack of gratitude and negative thinking. I’m not saying that someone can’t have a bad day because everyone does as we are human, but with that said there’s also a lesson in gratitude when we are having that bad day. We can be grateful that it teaches us to look at ourselves in the mirror and see what we need to change in order to live the life we want. We can be grateful that while at rock bottom, we see the strength we have in ourselves to rise back up from the hole we fell in. We can also be grateful for seeing that what we thought life was supposed to be about (material things, jobs, success) isn't all that it's cracked up to be. You really learn to prioritize what's important. The trick is to learn this before you hit rock bottom. 

     In my own reality, I have a place to live, some money in the bank, a car, great friends, a psychotic but cute dog, a shirt on my back, three million jobs, and a pretty close family (despite the problems we have). Nature is also providing me with its beauty and its resources every day. That seems like a damn lot to be grateful for.  What makes me think that the world owes me anything?? It does NOT. It’s a privilege to be supported by the earth and by the people around me, not a given. So THANK YOU EVERYONE! And THANK YOU WORLD! Life is perfect because it's happening how it should be for each of us. We just have to enjoy it. Gratitude brings about joy in your life because you are so thankful for the things you receive, and don’t expect anything back. You start to value and respect things around you instead of taking them for granted, so wish me luck! Maybe this process will help me stop losing my cameras! 

Don’t be afraid to drop a comment or two about what you’re grateful for! We can ALL start a movement of gratitude!!!!! Yeehaw! Have a great weekend everyone! Make it the best one yet!